Sweet Soul

“Because of you,” I said, and smiled.

But Levi shook his head. “No, because of you.”

I closed my eyes, but I shivered in the cold water. “Come on,” Levi said, and pressed a kiss behind my ear. “Time to get out.”

I let Levi help me from the water. I let him pat me down with the towel and wrap me in a robe. I let him lead me to bed, lights off, but for the jar by my side, and the plastic stars twinkling on the ceiling.

The minute we were in the bed, Levi wrapped me in his arms. “Do you know what I wish for, Levi, what I hope and pray for all the time?”

“What, bella mia?”

“That people have one thought, one instinct: Be kind-hearted. Simply be kind of heart.”

Levi exhaled into my hair. “It’s a good wish to have for people, baby.”

“But it won’t come true. Just look at my mom, look at me, now look at Clara. It never ends.” My heart physically ached at that truth. “Why can’t it end?” I swallowed, my throat raw from tonight. “Words are the worst kind of ammunition. Physical pain fades in time, but bullets of cruelty forever penetrate the soul.”

Levi didn’t say anything in response. What was there to say to this sad truth?

As we closed our eyes to sleep, I heard my mom’s voice: there’s no place for us in this world, baby girl. Even as I lay here in Levi’s arms, safe and adored, I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d been right.

I wasn’t sure I could live with this fear anymore.

I was sick of hiding my voice.

I was sick of the power people had over others.

… To victor cruelty, not hope…

Chapter Fifteen

Levi

I opened my eyes, my head banging like I’d been hit by a truck. I stared at the wall beside my bed and immediately felt my stomach drop. I’d hardly slept all night, too busy holding Elsie in my arms, my mind circling with what she’d told me, how she’d opened up… and I felt shamed. Shamed that I hadn’t seen those scars, never questioning why those cuffs were around her wrists. And those girls at the dinner? Those cruel bitches…

I gritted my teeth, my blood boiling with rage. I took a deep breath, and turned in the bed, my arm reaching out to pull Elsie close. I frowned when I felt her side of the bed was empty. I sat up when I felt the linen beneath my palm was cold.

Throwing the comforter off me, I searched the room with my eyes. “Elsie, bella mia?” I called, but there was no reply.

I looked to the clock on the wall, and my eyes widened when I saw it was nearly midday. I’d slept in. I took a deep breath. Elsie was probably in with Lexi. After losing Clara I wondered if she’d gone to the center.

I threw on a Huskies Football sweatshirt, sweatpants and my chucks and ran across the yard. The day was dry, completely different to last night.

I entered the kitchen through the back door, only to see Lexi with Dante and Austin sitting at the table with coffees. I quickly searched the front room.

“You okay, Lev?” Austin asked.

“Is Elsie in here?”

Lexi and Austin looked to each other with questioning glances. “No,” Austin said and got to his feet.

My pulse kicked into a sprint. I looked to Lexi. “Could she be at the center?” Lexi lowered the spoon she was feeding Dante with.

“I’ve just been there, Lev. I’ve been with Celesha all this morning taking care of Clara’s family and all the paperwork for what happened.”

“And she wasn’t there?” I affirmed, dread setting in my chest.

Lexi shook her head and I ran my fingers through my hair. “You can’t find her?” Austin questioned.

“She ain’t in my room. I slept in. I got no sleep last night after dealing with Elsie…” I shook my head, “the shit she told me… what she’s been through.” I looked to my brother, then Lexi who had stood and was by her husband’s side. “Last night, what those girls did and Clara too. She’s lived that. She, she nearly died, Lex.”

“I know,” Lexi said quietly and all my breath rushed from my lungs.

“You knew?”

Lexi’s face fell. “I checked on her records, Lev. She was a runaway. She ran from a group home after she’d been in hospital for attempting to commit suicide. I saw the scars the first night we brought her back here when I cleaned her up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my story to tell. You know how I feel about forcing someone to talk about their past. It normally does more harm than good. I know this first hand.” Austin wrapped his arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer. Dante squirmed in her arms and she kissed him on his chubby cheek. “Lev, I didn’t know what she was dealing with, if it was something she’d moved on from or whether it was still part of a struggle.”

“It’s a struggle,” I rasped, thinking back to her numbness last night, of her haunted stare and sad voice as she told me about Annabelle and her suicide attempt. “A real struggle. And after last night…” I turned away, panic setting in. “She wasn’t right. She told me about trying to kill herself, and she told me how she’d wanted to die.”

I stilled. “What if last night brought it all back? What if…” I trailed off unable to finish that sentence.

Austin gripped my arm. “Don’t, Lev. Don’t fucking do it.” He pushed me toward the door, back to the pool house. “We’ll find her, come on.” Spurred on by Austin’s words I ran back across the yard, briefly stopping at Lexi’s craft shed. It was empty.

When I was back in the pool house, I rushed to the bathroom, finding it the same with nothing moved. Next was the closet. Most of her clothes were there, but I saw her jacket, scarf and hat were gone, as were her Uggs. And my hoodie. The hoodie I’d given her that first night she came into my room, returning my stolen rosary. It had gone from the hook on the door.

“Anything?” Austin asked as he stood the center of the main room. I shook my head, wondering where the hell she could go when I looked to her bedside table.

“No,” I whispered, my eyes shutting as reality hit.

“What?” Austin pushed and I met my brother’s eyes.

“Her jar’s gone.”

Austin’s expression was of confusion. “Jar?” he questioned.