Sweet (True Believers #2)(39)
Author: Erin McCarthy

“I don’t know. What if he drops an F bomb or something?”

“I doubt that will be the first time a social worker hears a kid swearing.”

He sighed. “I guess I can speculate all f**king night. Nothing can be done about it. This paper pusher has me by the balls. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Riley reached for a cigarette from the half-empty pack by the gearshift.

I didn’t even consider complaining about the smoke. Let him have that. It was better than the whiskey escape of the other night.

“What do you want to talk about then? I can recite a poem for you if you’d like.”

“You do not know any poems by heart.”

He had a point. “You’re right. I don’t. But I do know Bible verses.”

“Oh, God.”

“Exactly.”

Riley laughed. “I guess that makes you a good preacher’s daughter.”

“Good is a loose, all-encompassing term.”

“Do you believe in God?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious, taking a drag on his just lit cigarette.

“Yes. I just don’t believe in using religion as an excuse to hate or exclude others, or as a self-righteous shield.” I had thought a lot about the hypocrisy of religions, or rather of the people who professed to practice it. It didn’t sit well with me that you could claim yourself a devout Christian, then plot revenge on your neighbor for their dog destroying your flower garden. And that was on the small end of the scale.

“I don’t know what I believe.” The smoke rose in front of his features, his eyes troubled, jaw set.

“You believe in your brothers.”

“Yeah. I do.” Riley pulled into his driveway and turned off the car. He looked at me. “I know that my life as it is right now is how it will always be. I’m cool with that. But I want better for them.”

I nodded. “I know.” I did. I could see his sincerity. Knew that he lived his life to take care of everyone else but himself. Until Tyler had gotten arrested, most of Riley’s income had gone to pay Tyler’s tuition. It had been their plan to secure Tyler a decent paying job. But then their mother had dicked them over by planting her drugs on Tyler to avoid her own arrest.

It was clear Riley wasn’t really sure how to adjust to the new reality, how to create a new plan. I didn’t know what my plan was either. We totally had that in common, though his stakes were way higher. Mine were just my own future, not the responsibility of other human beings.

“Sometimes I picture the future my parents want for me, and I feel like I’m drowning,” I told him. “But I guess I deal with it by telling myself to just live now.”

“What future do your parents want for you?”

“Arm candy for a junior minister. Social coordinator for the church. Donation solicitor.”

His eyebrows shot up. “For real?”

I nodded. “I’m double majoring in Religious Studies and Interior Design. Their call, not mine. I get to chose my husband, but only from a church member.”

“Holy shit.” He looked astonished. “Then what are you doing here with me?”

“Living in the now.” I wanted him to understand, to hear what no one had ever heard. “I won’t be able to do it, you know. I’ll fail. At some point, I will be kicked out by my family. It’s just a matter of when, of when they figure out that I can never be good enough. Pure enough.”

“They’ll really cut you off?”

“Without a doubt.” It was something I had never said out loud before, but it was the truth, I knew it.

His hand stroked my knee. “I guess we’re both f**ked, huh?”

“Looks that way.”

“Then I guess it’s a damn good thing we found each other.”

It was.

Chapter Twelve

By the time Riley finally called me at eleven thirty the next day, I was clammy from anxiety. My temporary roommate, Maggie, had been trying to chat with me after Tyler had dropped me off that morning, but I had been so lame and boring, she’d given up.

“Hello?” I said, already pacing back and forth in the small kitchen.

“It went good. The social worker said everything looks fine. That it was a clean and ‘pleasant environment’ for four guys our age.”

“Yes!” I gave a fist pump, letting out a sigh of relief.

He laughed. “She had Easton go through the pictures in the hallway and tell her about them. When he got to the one of you and me, he said, ‘That’s Jessica. She says no one is allowed to smoke in the house.’ The social worker said that was a good rule.”

“My work is done here,” I told Riley, highly satisfied. “Though I didn’t even realize Easton heard me.” Or remembered my name.

“He hears everything. It’s his superpower.”

“What’s your superpower?”

“You haven’t seen it yet.”

Oh, my. The night before we had just spooned again. No making out, no nothing. It was like Riley had been too worried to be turned on. I had tried not to find it weird, but the truth was, I found it weird. Most guys I knew used sex as an excuse to avoid anything and everything. Or it was the one thing that could distract them from something they didn’t want to deal with. Riley was different.

“Oh, yeah? That sounds ominous.”

“Nah. Superpowers are always a positive thing.” There was a pause where I could tell he was lighting a cigarette because there was a muffled rustling as his shoulder connected with the phone.

I wondered when his birthday was, because I wanted to buy him a nicotine patch.

“The cookie jar was a nice touch, by the way. Jayden reached in and got one out and he actually remembered to offer one to her. I don’t know how he pulled manners out of his ass at the right second, but it was golden.”

“That’s awesome. I’m really happy it went so well.” Happy and relieved.

“Thanks, babe. I owe you one.”

Hopefully it would be in the form of a giant orgasm. “What are you doing now?” Maybe we could celebrate.

“I’m heading to work. I’ll at least get a half day’s pay.”

Ick. So much for thoughts of celebration. “Hey, I forgot to ask, how was the zoo yesterday? Did you actually make it?”

“Yes. And it was ninety degrees there. It was like doing laps in ball soup. We saw a gorilla eat his own shit and two lemurs f**king.”

“Hm. Sounds delightful.”