The Awakening

Elena pondered this, fascinated by a view of Stefan she’d never considered before. He always seemed so controlled, so calm and undisturbed. But then, she knew she seemed that way herself to other people. Was it possible that underneath he was as confused and unhappy as she was? 

It was then that the idea came, and it was ridiculously simple. No complicated schemes, no thunderstorms or cars breaking down.

"Matt," she said, slowly, "don’t you think it would be a good thing if somebody did get behind that wall? A good thing for Stefan, I mean? Don’t you think that would be the best thing that could happen to him?" She looked up at him intensely, willing him to understand.

He stared at her a moment, then shut his eyes briefly and shook his head in disbelief. "Elena," he said, "you are incredible. You twist people around your little finger, and I don’t think you even know you’re doing it. And now you’re going to ask me to do something to help you ambush Stefan, and I’m such a dumb sucker I might even agree to do it."

"You’re not dumb, you’re a gentleman. And Ido want to ask you a favor, .but only if you think it’s right. I don’t want to hurt Stefan, and I don’t want to hurt you." 

"Don’t you?" 

"No. I know how that must sound, but it’s true. I only want-" She broke off again. How could she explain what she wanted when she didn’t even understand it herself? 

"You only want everybody and everything revolving around Elena Gilbert," he said bitterly. "You only want everything you don’t have." 

Shocked, she stepped back and looked at him. Her throat swelled, and warmth gathered in her eyes.

"Don’t," he said. "Elena, don’t look like that. I’m sorry." He sighed. "All right, what is it I’m supposed to do? Hog-tie him and dump him on your doorstep?" 

"No," said Elena, still trying to make the tears go back where they belonged. "I only wanted you to get him to come to the Homecoming Dance next week." 

Mart’s expression was odd. "You just want him to be at the dance." 

Elena nodded.

"All right. I’m pretty sure he’ll be there. And, Elena… there really isn’t anybody but you I want to take." 

"All right," said Elena after a moment. "And, well, thank you." 

Matt’s expression was still peculiar. "Don’t thank me, Elena. It’s nothing… really." She was puzzling over that when he turned away and walked down the hall.

"Hold still," said Meredith, giving Elena’s hair a reproving twitch.

"I still think," said Bonnie from the window seat, "that they were both wonderful." 

"Who?" Elena murmured absently.

"As if you didn’t know," said Bonnie. "Those two guys of yours who pulled off the last-minute miracle at the game yesterday. When Stefan caught that last pass, I thought I was going to faint. Or throw up." 

"Oh,please ," said Meredith.

"And Matt-that boy is simply poetry in motion…" 

"And neither of them is mine," Elena said flatly. Under Meredith’s expert fingers, her hair was becoming a work of art, a soft mass of twisted gold. And the dress was all right; the iced-violet color brought out the violet in her eyes. But even to herself she looked pale and steely, not softly flushed with excitement but white and determined, like a very young soldier being sent to the front lines.

Standing on the football field yesterday when her name was announced as Homecoming Queen, there had been only one thought in her mind. Hecouldn’t refuse to dance with her. If he came to the dance at all, he couldn’t refuse the Homecoming Queen. And standing in front of the mirror now, she said it to herself again.

"Tonight anyone you want will be yours," Bonnie was saying soothingly. "And, listen, when you get rid of Matt, can I take him off and comfort him?" 

Meredith snorted. "What’s Raymond going to think?" 

"Oh,you can comforthim . But, really, Elena, I like Matt. And once you home in on Stefan, your threesome is going to get a little crowded. So…" 

"Oh, do whatever you want. Matt deserves some consideration." He’s certainly not getting it from me, Elena thought. She still couldn’t exactly believe what she was doing to him. But just now she couldn’t afford to second-guess herself; she needed all her strength and concentration.

"There." Meredith put the last pin in Elena’s hair. "Now look at us, the Homecoming Queen and her court-or part of it, anyway. We’re beautiful." 

"Is that the royal ‘we’?" Elena said mockingly, but it was true. They were beautiful. Meredith’s dress was a pure sweep of burgundy satin, gathered tight at the waist and pouring into folds from the hips. Her dark hair hung loose down her back. And Bonnie, as she stood up and joined the others in front of the mirror, was like a shimmering party favor in pink taffeta and black sequins.

As for herself… Elena scanned her image with an experienced eye and thought again, The dress is all right. The only other phrase that came to mind wascrystallized violets . Her grandmother had kept a little jar of them, real flowers dipped in crystallized sugar and frozen.

They went downstairs together, as they had for every dance since the seventh grade-except that before, Caroline had always been with them. Elena realized with faint surprise that she didn’t even know who Caroline was going with tonight.

Aunt Judith and Robert-soon to be Uncle Robert-were in the living room, along with Margaret in her pajamas.

"Oh, you girls all look lovely," said Aunt Judith, as fluttery and excited as if she were going to the dance herself. She kissed Elena, and Margaret held up her arms for a hug.