The Darkest Pleasure
"ORDER'S UP."
Danika Ford caught the two steaming plates that slid across the silver warmer. One a greasy hamburger, hold the onions. The other a chili dog with extra cheese. Both were overflowing with heart-attack-in-the-making fries and wafting delicious scents to her nose, making her mouth water and her stomach rumble.
Last thing she'd eaten had been a bologna sandwich before bed last night. The bread had been crusty and the meat ripe. Sadly, she would have paid good money for another crusty, overripe sandwich just then. If she'd had any money, that is.
Three more hours till her shift ended, then she could eat again. Three feet-throbbing, backbreaking, limb-shaking hours. She wouldn't last. Don't be a princess. Chin up. Game on. You're a Ford. Built for strength and all that jazz.
Despite the pep talk, her gaze fell to the plates. She swiped her tongue over her lips. Maybe a nibble. What could it hurt? No one would know.
Her arm rose before she could stop it, her fingers reached...
"I think she's stealing one of my fries," she heard a man whisper.
Another whispered back, "What'd you expect from someone like her?"
Danika froze. For a moment, her appetite was forgotten and a million emotions swept through her. Sadness, frustration and embarrassment were the front-runners. This is what my life has become. From sheltered daughter to woman-on-the-run in a single bleak night. From well-respected artist to take-whatever's-dished waitress.
"Like to say I'm surprised, but..."
"Check your wallet when we leave."
Embarrassment edged ahead of the other two. She didn't have to see the men to know they were watching her with hard, judging eyes. Three times they'd come to eat at Enrique's and all three times they'd given her self-esteem a good workout. It was weird, too. They never said anything harsh, always smiled and thanked her when she brought them something, but they just couldn't mask the distaste shining in their eyes.
She'd dubbed them the Bird Brothers, so badly did she want to flip them off.
Don't bring attention to yourself, her common sense piped up. These days, it was the only rule she lived by.
"I better not catch you trying to sneak food again," her boss snapped. Enrique was the owner, as well as the short-order cook. "Now, hurry up. Their food's getting cold."
"Actually, it's too hot. They might burn themselves and sue." The plates were obscenely warm against her cold skin - skin she hadn't been able to warm in weeks. Even now, in the heat of the diner, she wore a sweater she'd purchased for $3.99 at the thrift shop down the street. But to her consternation, the burn from the plates never seeped inside her.
Surely something good would happen to her soon. Weren't good and evil supposed to balance each other out? Once, she had thought so. Had believed happiness waited around every corner. Sadly, Danika now knew better.
Behind her, past the wall of windows that provided a mocking view into the pulsing heart of L.A.'s nightlife, cars whizzed and people strolled, carefree and laughing. Not too long ago, that was me.
Danika had taken the job here, working as many hours as possible, because Enrique paid her under the table, no social security number required. Cash, no taxes deducted. She could disappear at a moment's notice.
Was her mother living like this? Her sister? Her granny - if she was still alive?
"The Darkest Pleasure"
Two months ago, the four of them had decided to take an extended vacation in Budapest, her grandpa's favorite city. Magical, he'd always said. After he died, they'd gone to celebrate his memory and finally say goodbye.
Biggest. Mistake. Ever.
They'd soon found themselves kidnapped and locked away. By monsters. Real, honest-to-God monsters. Creatures the Boogeyman probably searched his closet for before daring to go to bed. Creatures who sometimes looked human and sometimes didn't. Every so often, Danika had caught a glimpse of fangs, claws and skeletal faces underneath their human personas.
In a moment of luck, she and her family had been rescued. But she'd been captured again, only to be released unharmed. Unharmed but warned: Run, hide. You'll be hunted soon. If you're found, you and your family are dead.
So each of them had run. They'd split up, hoping they would be harder to find that way. They'd hidden, shadows their new best friends. Danika had first traveled to New York, the city that never slept, trying to lose herself in the crowds. Somehow, the monsters had found her. Again. But once more she'd managed to escape them, hitching nonstop to L.A., each day making just enough money to survive and pay for self-defense lessons.
In the beginning, she and her family had maintained contact every day by calling and leaving disposable cell-phone numbers with trusted friends. Then Danika's grandmother had gone silent. No more calls.
Had she been found by the monsters? Killed?
Last time Danika had heard from her, her granny had arrived in a small town in Oklahoma. She had friends there, had known better than to travel anywhere familiar, but at her age had probably grown weary of running. Yet even those friends had not heard from her in weeks; Grandma Mallory had gone to the market and simply never returned.
Thinking about her beloved grandmother and the pain the woman might have endured caused grief and sorrow to well up inside Danika's chest. She couldn't call her mom or her sister and ask if they'd heard anything. They, too, had stopped checking in. For everyone's safety, her mom had said during their last conversation. Calls could be traced, cell phones confiscated and used against them.
Her eyes burned and her chin trembled. No. No! What are you doing? She couldn't think about her family now. "What if" would paralyze her.
"You're wasting time," Enrique said, tugging her from her dark musings. "Shake your ass like I told you. Your customers are waiting and if they send back their food 'cause it's cold, you're going to pay for it."
She wanted to throw the plates at him, but "No attention!" was screaming inside her head, so she just smiled and pivoted on her heels, ratty sneakers squeaking. Chin high, back straight, she marched toward the table with dread congealing in her stomach. Both men watched her with those hard eyes. They were clearly middle-class with their inexpensive clothes and average haircuts. Tanned and buff as they were, they could have been construction workers. If so, they hadn't come straight from a job. They were clean, their jeans and T-shirts unstained.
One had a toothpick sticking out from between his teeth and was rolling it from one side of his mouth to the other, the motions faster and faster the closer she came. Her hands were shaking from fatigue, but she managed to set the plates in front of each man without accidentally dumping the food in their laps. A lock of inky hair escaped her ponytail and fell down her temple.
Hands finally free, she hooked the strands behind her ear. BB - before Budapest - she'd had long blond hair. AB - after Budapest - she'd chopped it to shoulder length and dyed it black to alter her appearance. Another crime to lay at the monsters' door.
"Sorry about the fry." Despite their clear disdain for her, these men were good tippers. "I wasn't trying to eat it, just to keep it on the plate." Liar. God, she never used to lie.
"Don't worry about it," Bird One said, unable to mask the slight twinge of irritation in his voice.
Don't send the food back. Please don't send the food back. She couldn't afford the cut in her pay. "Can I get you anything else?" Their cups were almost full, so she left them in place.
"We're fine," Bird Two replied. Again, polite enough words but uttered in an unmistakably waspish tone. He waved one of the paper napkins and settled it on his lap.
She caught a glimpse of a small figure eight tattooed on the inside of his wrist. Surprising. Had anyone asked her to bet, she would have put big money on a dark-haired female with a bloody hatchet coming out of her back.
"Well, holler if you need anything." She forced herself to smile, knowing she probably resembled a feral wolf. "I hope you enjoy your meal." Just as she was about to move away -
Uh, what now? He wanted to know when she went on break? Why? She doubted he'd asked for romantic reasons, since he was still watching her with mild distaste. "I, uh, don't."
"The Darkest Pleasure"
He popped a fry in his mouth, chewed, then licked his grease-smeared lips. "How about taking one tonight?"
"Sorry. Can't." Keep smiling. "I have other tables." She should have added: Maybe next time. Encouragement might have softened him at tip time. But the words clumped together in her throat, forming a hard knot. Go, go, go.
Pivot. They disappeared from view. Her smile - gone. Six quick strides and she reached Gilly, the only other waitress on duty tonight, who stood in front of the drink counter, filling three plastic cups with different sodas. Though Danika should've been checking on the patrons she'd used as an excuse only seconds before, she needed a moment to fortify her composure.
"God save me," she muttered. She flattened her hands on the bar and leaned forward, cocking her hip. Thankfully, a half wall blocked her from the customers' view.
"He won't." Gilly, a sixteen-year-old runaway - eighteen if anyone asked - flashed Danika a tired grimace of sympathy. They'd both been working fourteen-hour days. "He's already given up on us, I think."
Such pessimism seemed wrong in someone so young. "I refuse to believe that." Lying must have become second nature to her. Danika wasn't sure God cared anymore, either. "Something wonderful could be days away." Yeah. Right.
"Well, my something wonderful was that the Bird Brothers sat in your section again."
"Who are you kidding? They smile at you as if you're the Sugar Plum Fairy and they smirk at me as if I'm the Wicked Witch of the West. I have no idea what I did to them or why they keep coming back for more of me." Second time they'd come in, she'd feared they meant to pull her back into the nightmare she'd just escaped. But they'd never revealed a monstrous side, so she'd eventually relaxed.
Gilly laughed. "Want me to shank them for you?"
"Now, Gilly, that would be a travesty. Shanking's a felony and cuffs are so not a good look for you."
The girl's smile slowly melted away. "Don't I know it," she muttered.
Part of Danika wanted to tell her to go home; life with her mom couldn't be this bad. The other part admitted that life with Gilly's mom could indeed be much, much worse. The terrible things Danika had seen on these darkened streets, even in the short time she'd been here...women with deadened eyes selling their bodies. Beatings. Drug overdoses. Whatever Gilly's mother had done to drive the teenager to the streets had to have been severe.
Once, Danika had been able to delude herself into thinking the world was a safe and magnificent place, full of possibilities. Now, her eyes had been opened.
"Are you going to class in the morning?" she asked, propelling them into a safer conversation. She'd only worked here a week, but every day of that week she and Gilly had taken self-defense lessons, learning how to kick, hit and yes, kill with lethal precision. Besides her family, those lessons were the only thing Danika lived for anymore.
She would never be helpless again.
Gilly sighed and faced her. Danika thought again that she looked too young and fresh to be leading such a life of drudgery. Dark, chin-length hair, as straight as a pin. Big brown eyes. Honey-kissed skin. Average height, curvy body. She was innocence mixed with haunted sensuality. Right now, she was the only friend Danika had.
"My feet will loathe me forever, but yeah. I'm going. You?"
"Absolutely." Friends weren't something she could afford these days, but Danika had taken one look at the sad, brave girl and felt an instant kinship with her.
"Maybe we'll overpower the instructor again. Now, that was fun."
A chuckle escaped her, the first in what seemed forever. "Maybe."
A bell rang, hacking through the cackle of voices that echoed across the diner. Another order was up. Neither of them moved, however.
"Gotta tell you," Gilly said, anchoring her hand on her hip. "When Charles told us to come at him, rage, like, took me over. I could have killed him and giggled about it later."
"Me, too." Sadly, those words were not a lie.
Picture me as your enemy and show me what you've learned so far. Attack me, Charles had said, and both of them had.
He'd needed fifty-nine stitches before the night had ended. Fortunately, he'd been a good sport about it.
Dark fury had consumed Danika as images of Aeron, Lucien and Reyes - she gulped. Reyes! - had fluttered through her mind. Her kidnappers, her tormentors. Men she should hate with every fiber of her being. Did hate. Except for one. Reyes. Stupid girl.
Him, she dreamed about constantly. Waking, sleeping, didn't matter. He was always on her mind, as if he'd been branded there.
Sometimes he even defeated the creatures in her nightmares. He would attack them, they would fight violently, and blood would flow in rivers. Always afterward, he would come to Danika, injured and hurting. Without hesitation, she would take him in her arms. He would kiss her everywhere - slow, so slow - laving his tongue over her hollows and planes, each lick another brand.
"The Darkest Pleasure"
Every nighttime second spent with him caused her to crave more and more and more, until he was all she wanted, all she needed. He became more important to her than air. He was like a drug, the worst kind of addiction.
What's wrong with me? He'd kidnapped her for no reason, held her family hostage. He didn't deserve her desire! Why did she crave him so desperately? He was handsome, dangerously so, but other men were handsome, too. He was strong, but he would use that strength against her. He was intelligent, but he didn't exude any sort of humor. He never smiled. Yet she had never wanted a man the way she wanted Reyes.
Like Gilly, he had dark hair, dark eyes and honey-kissed skin. Honey mixed with melted chocolate. He also possessed that same haunted sensuality, as if he'd seen the most painful side of love and was marked forevermore.
The differences ended there, however. Reyes was tall and stacked with a warrior's muscle. He wore more knives than he did clothing, strapping them behind his head, on his wrists, ankles and thighs and hanging them at his waist. Every time she'd seen him, he'd been covered in combat wounds, cuts up and down his arms and legs, bruises on his face. He was a soldier to the bone.
They all were, those self-proclaimed "Lords of the Underworld."
Lords of Nightmares, she called them, for of all the frightening dreams she'd had in her life, none came close to the reality of these men.
Aeron had black gossamer wings and could fly like a bird - or a malevolent dragon of lore. Lucien had multicolored eyes that swirled hypnotically just before he disappeared as if he'd never existed. The scent of roses always drifted from him, insidiously sweet.
What magical ability Reyes possessed, she didn't know.
All she knew was that he'd saved her once. Had fought his fellow soldier for her. Why? she'd wondered so many times since. Why had he hurt his friend rather than her? Why had he looked at her as if she were his only reason for breathing? Why had he then set her free, again?
Another ding sounded, slicing through her thoughts. "Girls!" Enrique shouted.
Gilly moaned.
Danika massaged the back of her neck. Reprieve over. She straightened. From the corner of her eye, she saw one of her customers wave his arm in a bid for her attention. To Gilly, she said, "I'll be at your place about...four-thirty tomorrow morning? Sound good?"
"Make it five. Yep, I'll be tired but ready." Gilly turned and gathered the drinks.
Danika moved off. Ten minutes of napkin and straw duty, coffee pouring and fetching for the Bird Brothers followed. Kept her mind off Reyes, at least.
Twice, Bird One dropped his fork and needed her to fetch him a new one. Once, Bird Two needed a refill. Once he needed a clean napkin. When she tried to leave after the last delivery, Two grabbed her wrist to stop her, his touch sharpening her nerves to razor points.
She didn't rebuke him - every penny counts, every damn penny counts - but politely asked what he needed and tugged free.
"We'd like to talk to you," he said, reaching for her once more.
She stepped backward. If he touched her again, she just might snap. No longer were strangers allowed to put their hands on her. Not for any reason. "About what?"
A mother and young son strolled inside, the bell above the door tinkling to announce their arrival.
"About what?" she repeated.
"About a job. Money."
Her eyes widened. Dear God. They thought she was a hooker? So that was what they'd meant by "someone like her." Funny that they looked at her with disdain and yet were willing to buy her services. "No, thank you. I'm happy where I am, doing what I do." Well, not really happy, but they didn't need to know that.
"Danika," Enrique called. "Got people waiting."
The men glanced at the entrance and frowned. "Later," Two said.
How about never? Seriously. A hooker? Closer to the door than Gilly, Danika gathered two menus and ushered the new arrivals to a table. They were a little unkempt, thin, clothing stained and wrinkled. They would not be good tippers, but the smile she gave them was genuine, if a bit envious.
She missed her mother like crazy.
"What can I get you to drink?"
"Water," they said in unison.
There was a wistful gaze in the boy's blue eyes as he stared at the soda resting on the table a few feet away from him, condensation running down the plastic. Danika's head tilted to the side, her artist's eye seeing the heart-wrenching possibilities of a portrait. Human desires were always simplified when all but the bare essentials were taken away.
You're not going to paint anymore, remember?
It was too much of a luxury in this die-any-moment world. Besides, she had to feel to paint. Not just happiness, either. For her, painting required a wide spectrum of emotion. Fury, sadness, bliss. Hate, love, sorrow. Without them, she simply mixed colors and splattered them on a canvas. But with them, she would lose the edge she needed to stay alive.
"The Darkest Pleasure"
Tamping down the sadness she couldn't afford, she handed the pair their menus. "I'll be back in a moment with your drinks, and then I'll take your order."
"Thank you," the mother said.
On the way to the fountain, Bird Two grabbed her arm again, fingers locked in a tight grip. Danika stiffened, sparks of fury so hot under her skin she suddenly felt wrapped in flames. She couldn't fight the emotion, couldn't tamp it down as easily as she had the sadness. The ice she'd imagined coating her skin all these weeks melted.
"What time do you get off?"
"I don't."
"We're asking for your own good. The world is a bad, bad place and unless you're one of the bad guys, you shouldn't be out there alone."
"Grab me again," she said through clenched teeth, ignoring his feigned concern, "and you'll regret it. I'm not a hooker, and I'm not looking to make any money. Okay?"
As both gaped at her, she ripped free. She stalked away from them before she did something stupid. At the station in back, she filled the mother and son's drink order, her hands shaking. Her heartbeat nearly cracked her ribs. You have to calm down. Deep breath in, deep breath out. That's the way. Finally her muscles released their vise-grip on her bones.
She steered clear of the Bird Brothers on her way back to the table, remaining completely out of reach. When the mother realized she'd brought the boy a Coke, she opened her mouth to protest but Danika stopped her with a raised hand - a still-shaking hand, she realized with surprise. Hadn't calmed from Two's touch, then. Another deep breath in, another deep breath out.
"On the house," she whispered. Enrique gave nothing away, not even to his waitresses, and would deduct the dollar ninety-seven from Danika's pay if he heard. "If it's okay that he has it, that is."
The boy's expression lit with happiness. "It's okay, right, Mom? Please, please, please."
The mother gave Danika a grateful smile. "It's okay. Thank you."
"My pleasure. Know what you want to order?" She withdrew the pad and pencil from her apron. Her hand had stopped shaking, but the muscles were so rigid she accidentally snapped the pencil in two. "Oops. Sorry." More carefully, she dug out the spare.
The pair placed their order, and as she wrote she scanned the diner. Another family had just walked in. She gave them only a cursory inspection. Less and less, she jumped when people entered. First few days here, she'd expected Reyes to stalk through the door, throw her over his shoulder and steal into the night with her.
Gilly motioned the family to the only other available booth, her gaze catching Danika's. They shared a tired smile. Danika's felt brittle, her nervous system clearly still raw from Two's touch. You know you can't react like this. You have to be prepared, ready for anything.
"Did you get that?" the woman asked her.
She returned her attention to her customer. "Yes. Two hamburgers, one plain, one with everything, both with fries."
"I'll get this turned in. Shouldn't take too long to get it cooked." Danika tore the page from her pad and marched toward Enrique.
Bird One grabbed her this time. "Look. We don't think you're a prostitute. We just want to talk to you. Bad things are headed your way."
Before she could stop it, instinct took over. In her mind, she saw her sister's panicked face the night they'd been snatched from their hotel room and carted to that fortress, prisoners of the monsters. She heard her mother's voice in her head: Your grandmother might be dead. Might have been murdered.
Red clouded her vision and fury returned full force, morphing her from woman to berserker. Attack! Never helpless again! She slammed her free hand into the man's nose. Cartilage broke on contact, and blood poured onto his shirt, his plate. He howled in pain, tenting his hands over his face.
In the wake of that howl, there was a heavy silence. Then someone dropped a cup. Clang, splash. Liquid gurgled over the tiled floor. Someone cursed. All of the sounds boomed like thunder, piercing her mind and jerking her out of the vengeful haze.
Danika's mouth fell open.
Two gasped, his eyes widening. He jumped up, breath sawing in and out. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, bitch?"
"I - I - " A tremor rolled through her entire body. She stood frozen, fighting panic. She'd just brought attention to herself. A lot of it, and none of it good. "I - I told you guys not to touch me."
"You assaulted him!" Looming menacingly, the uninjured man settled his hands atop her shoulders and shoved her backward.
She could have stopped him from pushing her, could have shoved her pencil in his jugular before stumbling away. She didn't. Mortification blended with regret and both tumbled through her, overshadowing any lingering hint of fury. Where's your numbness now?
"You know what?" he said, snarling at her. "You're just like them. 'She might be innocent,' I was told, 'so be careful with her. Be gentle.' I didn't believe it, not for a second, but I obeyed. Shouldn't have. You just proved how despicable you really are. Maybe you're a whore after all - their whore."
"The Darkest Pleasure"
You're just like them, he had said. Just like who? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean - I - " There was nothing she could say to make this better. Clearing her throat, she smoothed the wrinkles from her sweater. Blood must have splattered her palm because streaks of crimson appeared everywhere her hands touched. "I'm truly sorry."
"Someone call 9-1-1, for fuck's sake!"
Oh, God. She was going to have to run again, when she'd only just settled in. If this made the papers...Oh, God, she thought again. Her heart once more began slamming against her ribs.
Enrique stomped out of the kitchen, double doors swinging behind him. He was a big man, both tall and overweight, and utterly imposing. His thinning hair fell into his narrowed eyes as he barked, "You, little girl, are fired. And that's the least of your problems. Go to the back and wait 'til the cops get here."
Of course she was fired. And deep down, she knew he was going to stiff her for today's work. "I'll go," she lied, "just as soon as you pay me. You owe me for - "
"You'll march back there now! You're scaring the customers."
Danika's gaze moved through the diner and landed on the mother and son. The woman had one arm locked protectively around the boy while the other pushed away the Coke Danika had given him. Both were staring at her in fear. Me? But I was merely defending myself.
Her eyes moved away, and Gilly came into focus. Concern radiated from the girl's face as she approached, obviously meaning to support Danika. She'd lose her job and today's pay, as well, and Danika couldn't allow that.
"I'll wait for the police at my apartment," she lied.
"No, you won't," Enrique said. "You'll - "
Turning, she marched from the diner, head high, shoulders squared. Thankfully, no one tried to stop her, not even Bird Two. The night was warm, lit with neon signs and crowded. She felt as if she were spotlighted in the glare and everyone she passed was staring at her.
God, what was she going to do?
She quickened her pace, almost running. She had forty dollars in her pocket. Enough for a bus ticket somewhere. Where should she go? Georgia, maybe. The peach state was a good distance away. More importantly, she would pass through Oklahoma. She could search for her grandmother.
The thought had barely registered before something slammed into her back, propelling her into a darkened alley. She hit the pavement with so much force, oxygen whooshed from her lungs. Rocks cut past her thin sweater and T-shirt and into her skin. Her jaw cracked against the concrete. Bright white stars glittered behind her lids.
"Demon bitch!" a man growled at her temple, spittle spraying into her hair. Bird Two. Hadn't let her escape, after all. "Did you really think I'd let you run again? You're ours and, baby, you're going to suffer just like your friends. I'm not allowed to kill them, but you...you'll beg for it."
Instinct once again kicked into gear. Don't scream, just fight. Don't react, just strike. The words had been drilled into her mind and now seemed as much a part of her as her arm or leg. When her assailant grabbed her by the hair, lifting her, she spun of her own accord. Her scalp stung as the hairs ripped free, but that didn't slow her as she jabbed her arm forward to cut off his airway and buy herself enough time to slip free while he gasped for breath. Contact.
There was a grunt, a wail. His hold on her loosened.
Warm liquid ran down her fingers, pooling in her knuckles. What the - realization clattered through her. She'd still been gripping the pencil and she'd shoved the tip deep into his jugular - just as she'd stopped herself from doing in the diner.
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God!" Dazed, she scrambled to her feet. She swayed and had to grab on to his shoulders to stay upright. Horror nearly drowned her as the man fell to his knees, gurgling.
Moonlight seeped past the buildings surrounding him, highlighting his pale, pain-filled, shocked features. He tried to speak, but no sound emerged.
"I'm sorry!" She splayed her fingers, releasing him completely. She held up her hands, palms out, and the blood poured down her arms. Panic blended with her horror. There was no precious numbness to be found. Not now.
One step, two, she backed away. Oh, God. Oh, God. Murderer, her mind screamed. You're a murderer. The metallic scent of his blood blended with the aromas of urine and body odor.
Two slumped, collapsed onto the concrete. His head was turned and his eyes seemed to focus on her as his chest stilled. Oh, God. Bile rose in her throat. You had to do it. He would have killed you.
Not knowing what else to do, Danika spun, ran and barreled through the people crowding the far side of the building. Those neon signs illuminated her every movement, and her raspy pants were like drumbeats in her ears. No one tried to stop her.
Two weeks ago in New York, one of her self-defense instructors had told her that she didn't have a killer instinct.
"The Darkest Pleasure"
If only.
I'm as bad as the monsters.