The Gamble
“You get messed up by a man?” he asked and I grew confused at his question for I found this a change of subject and I was intent on the last one.
“What?”
“You get messed up by a man?” he repeated and my mistake dawned.
“I’m a woman,” I covered quickly. “That happens.”
“How’d you get messed up?” he was Max therefore he didn’t let it go.
“Usual stuff, now get off me, I should go help Mindy.”
“How’d you get messed up?”
“Max, get off.”
“Nina, answer me.”
I went silent, stared at him and I considered my approach to this current dilemma. Then I decided, what the heck? I’d tried everything else, why not just lay it on him?
Still, I tested the waters before diving in. “You’re not going to get up unless I answer, are you?”
“Nope,” he responded immediately.
I nodded and said, “All right then, Max, you name it, it happened.”
“What?”
I brought my hands up between us and counted them down. “My first boyfriend cheated on me with my arch nemesis, the homecoming queen no less, which was humiliating. My second boyfriend was just a jerk. Third and fourth, both cheated, the fourth with my best friend. The fifth stole from me, not much but not much is enough when it’s stealing. The sixth got drunk a lot and got mean when he did it and he didn’t care who he was mean around and, since a lot of the time he was around me, I got the bulk of it. The seventh beat me. The eighth asked me to marry him and two days from me telling him it’s over, he hasn’t called. I haven’t been raped, thank God, but that’s enough for a girl, don’t you think?”
“The seventh beat you?” Max asked quietly.
“Twice.”
“Beat you?”
My body tensed under his, which I realized belatedly was solid as a rock, as the tone of his words penetrated and, again, my mistake dawned.
I mentally made note that the sharing strategy might not be the right one either.
“Twice,” I whispered in the face of what appeared to be his building fury.
“What happened?” he demanded, his voice getting loud.
“Max,” I was still whispering.
“What, the f**k, happened?” Max was getting louder.
“Mom told Charlie, Charlie flew to The States and paid him a visit and I took a prolonged vacation in England while Mom moved my stuff out,” I answered quietly.
“Fucking hell,” Max murmured.
“Max –”
“Fucking hell!” Max shouted and then I stared in terrified horror as his torso twisted away from me, he reared an arm back and slammed his fist into the bed at my side.
“Max,” I breathed through frozen lungs, his hand instantly moved to cup my cheek and his face was hard but his voice was suddenly soft.
“Never hurt you, baby,” he whispered and tears hit my eyes.
“Don’t –”
“Never.”
“Is everything all right?” Mindy asked and my head twisted on the bed as Max looked up and we saw Mindy standing at the top of the stairs.
“Give us a minute, darlin’,” Max said to her.
“Is everything all right?” Mindy repeated.
“We’re fine, sweetheart,” I said softly. “Down in a minute.”
“Max?” she called, her eyes on him, her face pale.
“We’ll be down in a minute.”
She studied us a second, whispered, “Okay,” then turned and ran down the stairs.
“So that’s the reason for the shield,” Max said, my head twisted back and my eyes hit his.
“Max –”
His gaze unfocused and he muttered, “Fucking hell.”
“I made those choices, Max, I wasn’t exactly blameless,” I told him and his eyes refocused so much my breath caught at their intensity.
“Don’t you dare,” he ordered.
“Sorry?”
“Don’t you f**kin’ dare take on that blame. Cheats, thieves, abusers, it’s their problem. You take on that blame you got no choice but to build a shield.”
“Max –”
“This guy now, the one you’re shakin’ off, he drink?”
“No.”
“Say shit to you?”
“Max –”
“Does he?”
“No!”
“Lift his hand to you, without your brother around to have your back?”
“Of course not.”
“Just doesn’t f**kin’ care.”
I couldn’t deny that.
“Max, please, get off.”
“Lonely path,” he said and I didn’t reply but he wasn’t looking for one, he kept talking. “You hate it.”
“I –”
“Searchin’.”
“Max, please –”
His hand at my face slid into my hair and his face got close before he said, “I know this, those ass**les are ass**les because they did what they did and because they did it to a good woman. Learned some things in my life, Duchess, one of the most important, you find a good woman, you take care of her.”
“Please.”
“This happens between us, Duchess, I’d take care of you.”
“Don’t.”
“Die doin’ it,” he vowed.
My breath stuck in my throat as his words wrapped tight around my heart and I made a noise, half gasp, half moan.
“That’s what I’ve learned,” he finished.
“Please stop talking.”
“You don’t believe me?” he asked.
“Can we stop talking now?”
“You’re so far down that path, you think you can’t find your way back.”
“Max –”
“Baby, wake up and look around, that path brought you straight to my f**kin’ house.”
I could take no more. I closed my eyes and turned my head away. If I couldn’t escape him physically, I had to escape him mentally.
His thumb slid along my cheekbone under my bruise and his next words penetrated my mental evasion.
“Shoulda f**ked him up worse.”
I gulped back tears and pressed my cheek into the bed.
“I knew a man laid his hands on you, I would have.”
I shook my head but kept it averted. Max fell quiet but his thumb slid back over my cheekbone then his fingers trailed through my hair then down my neck.
“See you’ve had enough,” he whispered and I nodded.