The Husband She Never Knew(21)
Author: Kate Hewitt

Ammar had angled his head away from her so he was gazing out of the window, his body still tense. ‘Of me?’ he asked, and she shook her head.

‘No—I’ve never been afraid of you. Never. It’s just … I felt there were all these things I didn’t know, and they kept me from feeling close to you. And when a woman approached me at the ball—’

‘I don’t want to hear it,’ Ammar cut across her, his hands clenching into fists.

‘I won’t tell you,’ Noelle said, her heart hammering so hard now, hard enough to hurt, ‘because it doesn’t matter. I admit, I was startled. I hadn’t let myself think of it. Think of the past, and the things you’ve done. I’d just glossed over it in my mind.’

‘I know,’ he said, his voice so low she had to strain to hear him. ‘I didn’t want you to think of it.’

‘And it shook me, all this doubt I was feeling. It made me wonder—’ She stopped suddenly, not wanting to finish that thought. To admit how weak she’d been.

‘If you loved me,’ Ammar filled in, and she blinked hard.

‘I just didn’t know how it would feel,’ she whispered. ‘To know those things. And it made all the old memories and fears came back. I wondered if I really knew you at all. It was my problem, Ammar.’

‘I see,’ he said, and he sounded so remote that Noelle took a step towards him.

‘I’m sorry for doubting you,’ she whispered. ‘And doubting what I felt for you. I should have stayed, I should have told you all this, I know. I should have been honest, and maybe that would have helped. But I was afraid of being honest, of risking what we had because it felt so fragile—’

‘I know how that feels,’ Ammar said quietly, and she felt some of the awful tension leave her body. ‘I should have told you the whole truth a long time ago. The night of our wedding—it wasn’t just because of the memories that I stayed away. My father spoke to me.’

‘He woke you up, didn’t he,’ Noelle said, understanding now. Understanding so much. ‘From our dream world.’

He nodded. ‘When he spoke to me, I realised how deluded I’d been, thinking we could have something, that things could change.’ He paused, swallowed. ‘That you could love me.’

‘Oh, Ammar.’

‘I convinced myself I was protecting you by leaving, and maybe I was, but I was also protecting myself. I would have rather walked away than have you know the truth about me.’

‘But I know the truth now.’

‘I know you do.’

‘And I love you.’

He jerked his gaze back to her, clearly startled.

‘I love you,’ Noelle said again. ‘And I’m sorry, so sorry for hurting you and for leaving you the way I did. I wasn’t thinking properly. I just wanted some space to get away—not from you, even, but from myself and my own desperate thoughts.’ She took another step towards him. ‘The moment I got on that train I felt I’d made a mistake. And when I arrived in Lyon I felt even worse. I thought I was going home, but I wasn’t. I left my home when I left you.’

Noelle saw a blaze of feeling in his eyes. ‘Do you mean that?’

‘Yes. It took me leaving to realise how much I wanted to stay. How little any of the gossip or rumours—’

‘It’s not just gossip or rumours, Noelle. You know that.’ He sounded so bleak that her heart ached for him.

‘Yes, I know that. I realise you did things on your father’s command—’

‘Don’t let my father take all the blame. I was a grown man. I didn’t like everything I did, but I enjoyed the power. I liked feeling in control.’

‘After the kind of childhood you had, I can understand—’

‘Don’t,’ he said harshly. ‘Don’t explain it away. It was wrong.’

She swallowed. ‘I know that.’

‘I could have made other choices. My brother did. Khalis. He left when he was twenty-one, turned his back on my father and started his own company. He was strong enough to leave—’

‘Sometimes,’ Noelle whispered, ‘it’s stronger to stay.’

For a moment his face crumpled, almost as if he would cry, and then he shook his head. ‘No. Never.’

‘Yes,’ she said firmly. ‘It is. And I know I can’t even imagine what you endured, Ammar. I’m not excusing you, or any of the things you did. I know you did things that were wrong, or even criminal. I know and I accept it, because I know you’ve changed. I know what kind of man you want to be, what kind of man you are. And I’m absolving you, because you can’t carry that crippling weight around any more.’

He stared at her hungrily, as if she were offering something he didn’t dare believe in. ‘You have no idea,’ he began, ‘even now, what I’ve—’

‘I don’t need to know,’ she said, walking towards him, full of a wonderful, singing certainty now. ‘I know you, and I love you. I see what you’re doing with the company now, and I see how tender you are with me, and I believe in you utterly. I trust you, Ammar, with my life. With my heart.’ She stood before him, her whole body trembling, a tremulous smile on her lips. ‘I love you. So very much.’

Ammar stared at her for a long, fathomless moment. If only she knew what he was thinking. If only she knew that he believed her, trusted her—

Then his face crumpled and he looked away, blinking hard. Noelle’s breath caught in her chest. ‘Oh, Ammar.’ Without needing to think about what she was doing, she crossed to him and drew him into her arms. She felt his whole body shudder with the force of his feeling. Had he ever grieved for the boy he’d been, full of hope and happiness, waiting for his father’s birthday present? Had he grieved for the man he’d become, harsh, unyielding, loveless, even cruel?

Only with the acknowledgement of that grief could he believe in the man she already knew he was, knew with her entire being. Her whole heart.

After a long moment he lifted his head, looked at her with damp eyes. She gazed back, full of certainty, buoyant with it. And then Ammar pulled her to him and, as his lips found hers, she wrapped her arms around him, stood on tiptoe and pulled him as close as he could get.

He kissed her deeply, his mouth moving on hers, seeking and finding. Pleasure and relief, joy and desire coursed through her as she returned the kiss with all the passion and love she felt.

Finally, with a shuddering breath he released her, rested his forehead against hers. ‘I love you,’ he said softly. ‘So much. And I’m sorry, so very sorry, for ever hurting you.’

In answer, in absolution, she kissed him again, softly. The past was truly finished now. They had only to look towards the future. Their future.

With a playful smile she looped her arms around his neck. ‘Does this place have a bedroom?’

His mouth quirked upwards. ‘Three.’

‘And does one have a big bed and a fireplace?’ She’d been very specific about their dream house.

‘And a chestnut tree outside.’

She laughed, the sound of pure joy, because she couldn’t believe he’d remembered everything, he’d thought of everything. He’d made every one of her dreams a reality.

‘Then let’s go upstairs and find it,’ she said and, smiling, her hand in his, Ammar turned and showed her the way.

EPILOGUE

Three months later

NOELLE lay on the bed, her whole body tingling with anticipation. Tonight was her wedding night.

It had been a beautiful, wonderful day. They had had a quiet ceremony at a small church in Lyon, just a handful of family and friends attending. That was how they both wanted it; they’d had the big wedding before. Today was something different.

It had been good to have people there, the people who mattered. Her parents had come, presenting a united front for her sake although their marriage was still in jeopardy. Her father had, at least, stopped seeing his mistress. Her mother still looked strained, but hopeful. Who knew what would happen? Noelle hoped her parents could find even a fraction of the happiness she felt now.

Ammar’s brother Khalis and his new wife Grace had also come, smiling, so obviously in love. As in love as Noelle was with Ammar. Her husband.

She shivered, the night air cool on her bare skin. No virginal white peignoir for her tonight. She wore nothing at all. She smiled as she thought of Ammar seeing her as he came into the suite they were staying in for this first night of their marriage, an opulent set of rooms in the Château de Bagnols, once an ancient fortress and now a world-class hotel. A fire flickered in the grate and shadows danced across the huge four-poster bed. He’d let her come upstairs first, knowing she wanted to get ready. Knowing, just as Noelle did, that it needed to happen this way.

She smiled and stretched, impatience warring with her excitement. Surely Ammar would arrive soon. She felt no fear or worry, only a glorious anticipation for what was to come.

Tonight, and many more nights. The rest of their lives.

She heard footsteps, and the doorknob turned. The door opened and smiling, his eyes alight with love, Ammar came into the room.