The Lover’s Secret (No Exceptions #1)(14)
Author: J.C. Reed

How could I promise that? What if he hurt me again? While I didn’t fear the fights, I wasn’t sure I would survive another crack in my fragile heart.

My fingers reached for the flickering candle on the side table—an old habit born out of pain and a need for control—and for a moment, I remembered the feeling of being burned. There had been a time when I welcomed the sting and the painful blisters. Just like a flame, Jett’s actions had once burned me. He had shattered what we built over days and weeks, after which came the claim that, even back then, he had loved me.

He was my flickering candle—so beautiful yet so dangerous to the touch. Promising him that I would trust him, that I’d never go away, was like lighting a match and waiting for the flame to singe my heart and soul. I wasn’t yet ready to surrender all control to him. For the time being, I needed to belong to myself.

“I can’t, Jett.” I shook my head, just in case he didn’t hear my whisper. “I just can’t.” My gaze remained glued to my hands, my knuckles white under the taut skin. “I’m sorry.”

The silence was oppressing. No, make it upsetting. Utterly, totally depressing. For a long time, it remained unbroken and suffocating, with no reply.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I gathered the courage to look up, only to see the dark glint in his eyes. There was a depth in them that spoke of chaos and secrets, of wanting to possess and not quite knowing when to let go. Or maybe it was the chaos inside me that I saw reflected in his eyes.

“Why not?” he asked eventually.

It was just a question: no pressure, no blaming. It was a simple inquiry, as if he was asking why I wouldn’t want to take the rest of the day off work.

Why not actually?

Because it’s not him. It’s you. You can’t trust him.

Despair washed over me as I realized it wasn’t just a question of whether or not I wanted to trust Jett. It was a matter of whether I would even be able to trust him. Just as some people lose the ability to laugh or be happy, trust no longer came naturally to me. And while Jett seemed perfect in every way, after discovering that email, I felt a strong need to find out whether I could trust him. After all, there had been a time when Jett had targeted me for my estate…and that I would never forget.

Was it all just some odd coincidence that the email was deleted? Or was it maybe some sort of sign?

I wasn’t sure.

“Letting you back into my life was hard for me,” I whispered. “You’ve taught me what it means to love, but life’s shown me how easy it is to lose it all in the blink of an eye. That scar might fade over time, but it’ll never go away. If I make such a promise, I’ll basically be giving you my permission to hurt me all over again, just because you’ll know I’d never leave. And I’m not going to do that, Jett. I can’t, and you shouldn’t expect me to. There’s no way I’d ever want to repeat the experience of loving and having my trust betrayed.”

He leaned forward, his expression hard and unreadable. “Are you saying you won’t make a promise out of fear that something might happen to us? Between us?”

“Yeah, something like that.” I let out a slow breath. A cold chill washed over me as I thought back to my parents. Unconsciously, I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them while my thoughts about the past slowly shaped into words. “My father made a promise to my mother. I still remember how much he loved her.” I paused for effect. “But in spite of his deep love and his vows, when my sister died, none of that was enough. He still left her. He killed himself, betraying his own vows, his promises, and breaking my mother’s heart. Even to this day, she hasn’t recovered from that blow.”

I looked up and realized that Jett was staring at me, hanging on my every word, but that wasn’t the only thing I saw before my eyes. The picture flickering before me was that of my parents fighting over me, because I had let my sister sneak out, on the very night when she met her tragic fate. Her boyfriend, Danny, had sold her like a prostitute.

“My father didn’t love my mom enough not to leave her behind, nor did he find it in his heart to forgive me,” I whispered, unable to stop a tear running down my cheek. “That was enough proof to me that love and life are unpredictable, just like a storm. So…” I looked up to meet Jett’s beautiful, green gaze. “I don’t want you talking about risks, Jett—or trust, for that matter. Life is unpredictable, and the circumstances of today might not be the circumstances of tomorrow.”

He touched my hand gently, but not imposing. “This is different, Brooke. What we have is different.”

I shook my head, pressing my lips into a tight line. The difference didn’t matter; it didn’t matter how different what he thought we had was. In the end, there would only be one outcome, one finale. It could end well or badly—a simple conclusion with absolutely no guarantee.

“I want a choice, Jett. An option,” I whispered. ”I want to be able to leave if you betray me or lie to me again. I can’t promise you that I’ll stay. What I can promise, though, is that when we fight, I’ll listen to your reasons, and then make up my mind. But I won’t give up my choice to leave.”

“That’s not good enough,” he said, his jaw clenching.

“I’m sorry, but it’s the best I can do.”

“It’s still not good enough. I need you to stay so I can protect you.” He placed his hands on my womb. I gazed up at him, my whole body tensing. Something shifted in him, and I realized that I had taken it all wrong. It wasn’t just about our separation; it was a matter of life and death. He was concerned because of the things that had happened back in Italy and New York. I closed my eyes to escape the memories that flooded my mind: being abducted and locked up, a young woman’s brutal rape, and the knowledge that I’d be next. That was my life before now.

“Now that you’re carrying my child, I have a right to make the decisions, and I say you’ll never leave my side again,” he said, as though reading my mind. “I don’t want anything bad happening to you or our baby.”

I sighed, blinking back the tears. He knew too much about me, and that in turn made it impossible for me to escape my memories when I was around him. It was hard to believe that he’d delete that email, but no one else, not even Jett, had access to my account. Still, he had the means to log into my account by using his connections. He was asking me to trust him, yet he’d done something so untrustworthy already.