The Program (The Program #1)(25)
Author: Suzanne Young

I grab the picture of Brady and James off my mirror. In it, James is shirtless as usual and grinning widely, his arm over Brady’s shoulders, the river behind them. My brother is midlaugh, as if James just said something really funny. I can’t remember what it was.

The banging on my door gets louder and I hear my mother’s voice, pleading with me to open it. To not hurt myself.

I slip off my chipped purple ring, kissing it hard. I love you, James, I think. Us forever, like you promised.

I lift up my mattress, searching for the slit I’d made years ago when I was trying to hide notes from James. On the other side of the door, my mother announces to them that she’s got the key. Just then I find the tear and slip the picture and the ring into it. Then I drop my mattress and cover it with the sheet. Once I’m gone, they’ll sanitize my room, but they won’t look there. I don’t think they’ll look there.

When I come back from The Program, I’ll find it. And I’ll find James and ask him about it. Maybe then we’ll remember who we are. What we meant to each other.

I spy a pair of scissors on my dresser, surprised that I didn’t notice them before. I consider fighting my way out. Stabbing the handlers—especially the one who has been after me from the beginning—and pushing past my parents. Refusing to let them take my life from me.

I grab the shears, clutching them in my fist.

There’s a clicking sound and then the door swings open. My mother swallows hard when she sees the scissors in my hand. My father calls to me, sounding terrified.

I back toward the window. My face is hot and my mouth is wet. I think I’m drooling, overwhelmed with rage as I growl at them.

“Miss Barstow,” the dark-haired handler says calmly as he enters. “Put the scissors down.” He shoots a look to the other handler and they separate, each taking one side of the room to surround me.

“No.” But my voice is like an animal’s. My father starts to cry again and even though I’m angry, I can’t hate him. Brady broke him. He can’t go through it again.

“Miss Barstow,” the handler repeats as he grabs for something at his waist. I suddenly realize he must have a Taser.

And I know it’s over. This life, it’s over. I meet my mother’s eyes and force a bitter smile. “I’ll never forgive you,” I murmur. Then, just because this is my last moment of having a real emotion, I tighten my grip on my scissors. And I slash my wrist.

I fall back against the wall, the pain more immediate than I thought it would be. I close my eyes and feel hands grip me hard on my upper arms. A needle pierces my skin, and within seconds a wave rushes over me, crashing above my head and drowning me in sleep.

• • •

“Hello?”

I hear a voice, but I’m too tired to open my eyes all the way. I try again and fail. The voice laughs softly.

“Is there anybody in there?”

I feel a touch, a pinch in my arm, and then there’s a rush of adrenaline. My eyes fly open and I take in a sudden breath. My arms are tight at my sides, as if tied down.

“Ah, there you are,” the voice says. “Welcome to The Program.”

PART II

THE PROGRAM

CHAPTER ONE

I SLOWLY LOOK TO MY SIDE, MY VISION A BIT BLURRY as I wake. Next to me, close, is the dark-haired handler. He smiles. “Worried I’d given you too much Thorazine. You’ve been out for hours.” He reaches to brush my hair away from my face. I jump, turning my head violently away, repulsed.

“Don’t touch me,” I hiss. “Don’t you dare touch me.”

He laughs. “Miss Barstow, I know you’re upset. I know you’re unwell.” He leans close, his voice a whisper in my ear. “But it’s no excuse for bad manners.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, thinking that maybe I should feel frightened, sad. But all I can feel is rage. They changed James. Lacey. They’re going to change me.

“Now,” the handler says, “I’m going to tell the doctor you’re awake.” He touches my hair again. “I’ll be seeing you around, Sloane.”

My stomach twists when he says my name. I try to turn my body away, but my hands are tied down with leather straps, buckled to the bed. As I move, my wrist hurts, and I remember how I cut myself in my room before they took me.

I clench my jaw tighter, listening to the sound of the handler’s feet shuffling across the floor. When I hear the door close, I open my eyes and look around.

The room is white, just white. The walls are smooth and unmarked, and there is a chair next to my bed. Everything is clean and smells like rubbing alcohol. My heart pounds as I wait. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. If it’ll hurt when they get inside my head.

I lie back against the pillow, letting the sorrow seep in for a second. My parents betrayed me. I hate them, even though I know I shouldn’t. They thought they were saving me, but instead they’ve condemned me to a half-lived life. I’m losing everything.

A tear tickles my cheek as it runs down, and I curse myself for not holding it in. I turn my head into my pillow to wipe it and then sniffle, staring at the ceiling. It’s quiet—so quiet that the only sound is my breathing. I wonder if the silence alone can drive me mad.

The door opens with a quiet click. I freeze, not sure I want to look.

“Good evening,” a deep voice says. It has the slightest hint of a British accent and it’s calm. Almost inviting. I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m Dr. Francis,” he says, and I hear chair wheels squeak as he sits down.

I’m afraid to move, but when his warm hands touch my arm, I flinch. Then I realize he’s undoing my wrist straps. I look suddenly to my side, where his fingers work to release me.

“I am sorry about this,” he says as he unbuckles. “It’s a precaution we have to take for all incoming patients.”

“I don’t want to be a patient,” I reply.

Dr. Francis pauses, his green eyes searching my face as he studies me. His brown hair is clipped short and he’s clean shaven. “Sloane,” he says kindly. “I know you’re scared, but we really only want to help. You don’t see it, but you’re sick. You even attempted suicide.”

“No, I didn’t. I just didn’t want them to take me.” I don’t mention how I tried to drown in the river.

“We’re not going to hurt you.” He stands and walks around the bed, pausing at my other strap to undo it. “We’re going to remove the sickness, Sloane. That’s it.”