The Rules of Attraction
Everyone is nodding but me. I search the table for another beer. I grab a Beck’s and open it quickly, taking a long, deep swallow. I look at Marie, who, like me, has been silent for the duration of this nightmarish event.
“That’s weird that you mention that,” Lauren says. “I saw two dogs making love in front of my dorm this morning. It was really strange, but it was, admittedly, poetic in terms of erotic imagery.”
I finally have to say something. “Lauren, dogs don’t make love,” I tell her. “They f**k.”
“Well they certainly have no qualms about o**l s*x,” Mona laughs.
“Dogs don’t make love?” Stump asks me, incredulous. “I’d think about that if I were you.”
“Um, no … no … I do believe that dogs make love … um, yes they make love in the … in the sunlight,” Vittorio says wistfully. “In the golden, golden … sunlight, they make love.”
They are all talking about a book I haven’t read. I sit back down on the chair next to Lauren and hear one of the editors say, “Seminal … seminal,” and another one say, “Yes, a landmark.” I open another beer and look back at Lauren who gives me this questioning, pleading look. I tip the bottle back and look over at Mona and her see-through blouse.
“The way she represented like the total earth mother figure was amazing, not to say audacious,” Mona says, nodding her head vigorously.
“But it wasn’t just the way she represented her,” Stump says. “It was the Joycean implications that blew me away.”
“So Joyce, so Joyce,” Mona agrees.
“You wouldn’t like it,” she says, not looking at me.
“Why not?” I ask.
“It ‘doesn’t make sense.’” She sips her drink.
“Not only Joyce, but it reminded me a bit of Acker’s work,” Trav is saying. “Has anyone read by the way, Crad Kilodney’s Lightning Struck My Dick? It’s amazing, amazing.” He shakes his head.
“What does that mean?” I ask her.
“Figure it out,” she whispers.
I sit back, stifle a yawn, drink more of the beer.
“Oh Tra-av,” Mona says.
“Um … bogus?” Vittorio mumbles. “What is this bogus … you speak of? I have … not read the book … um…” He turns to Lauren. “Bogus? … mmm, did you like the book?”
“Oh yeah,” Lauren nods. “It was really good.”
“I … I have not read this … this book,” Vittorio says shyly, looking down at his drink.
I look over at Vittorio and suddenly sympathize with the man. I want to tell him that I haven’t read the book either, and I can see that Lauren feels the same way too, because she turns to him and says, “Oh Vittorio, I wish you would stay.”