The Struggle

"So you’re the one afraid of doctors," she said.

Stefan looked disconcerted for a moment; then, he recovered. "It’s sort of a childhood phobia," he said, sounding embarrassed. He glanced sideways at Elena, who smiled nervously and gave a tiny nod. "Anyway, I don’t need one now, as you can see."

"Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? Your pulse is all right. In fact, it’s surprisingly slow, even for an athlete. I don’t think you’re hypothermic, but you’re still chilled. Let’s get a temperature."

"No, I really don’t think that’s necessary." Stefan’s voice was low, calming. Elena had heard him use that voice before, and she knew what he was trying to do. But Mary took not the slightest notice.

"Open up, please."

"Here, I’ll do it," said Elena quickly, reaching to take the thermometer from Mary. Somehow, as she did so, the little glass tube slipped out of her hand. It fell to the hardwood floor and smashed into several pieces. Uh, I’m sorry!

you’re not dangerously ill. I can’tmake you go to the clinic. But I’d strongly suggest you get a checkup tomorrow." "Thank you," said Stefan, which, Elena noticed, was not the same as agreeing.

"Elena,you look as if you could use a doctor," said Bonnie. "You’re white as a ghost."

"I’m just tired," Elena said. "It’s been a long day."

"My advice is to go home and go to bed – and stay there," Mary said. "You’re not anemic, are you?" Elena resisted the impulse to put a hand to her cheek. Was she so pale? "No, I’m just tired," she repeated. "We can go home now, if Stefan’s all right."

He nodded reassuringly, the message in his eyes for her alone. "Give us a minute, will you?" he said to Mary and the others, and they stepped back to the staircase.

"Good-bye. Take care of yourself," Elena said aloud as she hugged him. She whispered, "Why didn’t you use your Powers on Mary?"

"I did," he said grimly in her ear. "Or at least I tried. I must still be weak. Don’t worry; it’ll pass. "Of course, it will," said Elena, but her stomach lurched. "Are you sure you should be alone, though? What if – "

"I’ll be fine. You’re the one who shouldn’t be alone." Stefan’s voice was soft but urgent. "Elena, I didn’t get a chance to warn you. You were right about Damon being in Fell’s Church."

"I know. He did this to you, didn’t he?" Elena didn’t mention that she’d gone searching for him. "I – don’t remember. But he’s dangerous. Keep Bonnie and Meredith with you tonight, Elena. I don’t want you alone. And make sure no one invites a stranger into your house."

"We’re going straight to bed," Elena promised, smiling at him. "We won’t be inviting anybody in."

"Make sure of it." There was no flippancy in his tone at all, and she nodded slowly.

"I understand, Stefan. We’ll be careful."

"Good." They kissed, a mere brushing of lips, but their joined hands separated only reluctantly. "Tell the and Meredith could go back with Elena. Mary was still clearly suspicious about the night’s goings-on, and Elena couldn’t blame her. She also couldn’t think. She was too tired.

"He said to say ‘thanks’ to all of you," she remembered after Matt had left.

"He’s… welcome," Bonnie said, splitting the words with an enormous yawn as Meredith opened the car door for her.

Meredith said nothing. She had been very quiet since leaving Elena alone with Stefan. Bonnie laughed suddenly. "One thing we all forgot about," she said. "The prophecy."

"What prophecy?" said Elena.

"About the bridge. The one you say I said. Well, you went to the bridge and Death wasn’t waiting there after all. Maybe you misunderstood the words."

"No," said Meredith. "We heard the words correctly all right."

"Well, then, maybe it’s another bridge. Or… mmm…" Bonnie snuggled down in her coat, shutting her eyes, and didn’t bother to finish.

But Elena’s mind completed the sentence for her.Or another time.

An owl hooted outside as Meredith started the car.

Chapter Five

November 2, Saturday

Dear Diary,

This morning I woke up and felt so strange. I don’t know how to describe it. On the one hand, I was so weak that when I tried to stand up my muscles wouldn’t support me. But on the other hand I felt… pleasant.So comfortable , sorelaxed. As if I were floating on a bed of golden light. I didn’t care if I never moved again.

Then I remembered Stefan, and I tried to get up, but Aunt Judith put me back to bed. She said Bonnie and Meredith had left hours ago, and that I’d been so fast asleep they couldn’t wake me. She said what I needed was rest.

So here I am. Aunt Judith brought the TVin,but I don’t care about watching it. I’d rather lie here and write, or just lie here.

November 3,Sunday (10:30 p.m.)

I’ve just read over yesterday’s entry and I’m shocked. What was wrong with me? I broke off in the middle of a sentence, and now I don’teven know what I was going to say. And I didn’texplain about my new diary or anything. I must have been completely spaced out.

Anyway, this is the official start of my new diary. I boughtthis blank book at the drugstore. It’s not as beautiful as the other one, but it will have to do. I’ve given up hope of ever seeing my old one again. Whoever stole it isn’t going to bring it back. But when I think of them reading it, all my inner thoughts and my feelings about Stefan, I want to kill them. While simultaneously dying of humiliation myself.

I’m not ashamed of the way I feel about Stefan. But it’s private. And there are things in there, about the way it is when we kiss, when he holds me, that I know he wouldn’t want anybody else to read.