The True Meaning of Smekday

“Not so loud,” I whispered, and peeked around the edge of the rack. “Did what?”

Chuuk “Tipmom! I found Tipmom! She is here!”

“Is she okay?”

Shckuk “I do not know.”

“Well, ask her,” I said, and tried to make myself small as I heard approaching footsteps.

Chhhrk “No no. She is in the computer! The Gorg did teleport her, but not alls the way. She is stored into the computer as datas!”

I groped around in my backpack and pulled out the camera.

“Ohmygosh. Can you get her out?”

Shhhsh “Yes! I will bring her here, safe as sounds!”

“Hold on.”

I slipped the walkie-talkie back into my bag and looked up from the floor at the circle of Gorg leaning over me.

“Hi,” I said. “Cheese.”

The camera in my hand flashed, and all four Gorg recoiled slightly as I threw about sixty aspirin straight up in the air like a referee. Half the Gorg recovered enough to try following me as I dove out between the others’ legs, then the falling aspirin burst on their backs, and I was lucky to catch the edge of the quickly expanding planet of snow that engulfed the store. The cold foam punched me like a big boxing glove into the street. A glance over my shoulder showed a snowball the size of a hot air balloon and getting larger, with bits and pieces of Gorg and cartoon mouse poking out here and there. But the snowball was already coming apart, and I dashed down the street, past J.Lo’s restroom, and fished the walkie-talkie out by its antenna again.

“Hello? J.Lo?”

Chhhk “Where did you go? What is happening?”

“Nothing. Stopped to take a picture. Is Mom there?”

Chuk “No—you said to—”

I missed the rest as I heard a rumble of feet and ran toward a familiar-looking trapdoor in the street. Guns went off behind me and tore the top off a churro stand. I wrenched open the door and threw myself down a ladder.

Shch “What was that?”

“Just a thing. Don’t bring Mom back until the explosions stop, okay?”

Chch “Yes.”

Fire rained down the ladder behind me.

“Good! As soon as you’re through, begin Operation: Catastrophe!”

The Gorg struggled to follow me down the hatch, but they were too big.

Chk “I thought we’d decided to call it Operation: Piggyback.”

“Can’t talk about it right now. Busy.”

I was sprinting down the dark hall as the Gorg fired, their flaming ammo slamming into the pavement above. I couldn’t see it, but they were making the hole bigger.

Shhhk “You nevers want to talk about my ideas. When is it J.Lo’s time?”

The hallway met up with another that I was sure would take me under the Snow Queen’s Castle. From there I could get to the English Puffins ride and surface again, just like J.Lo and I had before.

“I never agreed to Operation: Piggyback,” I said into the mouthpiece. “It’s stupid.”

Chh “You only do not understands it. You see, it has the word ‘back,’ like as ‘feedback loop.’ And it has the word ‘Pig’ as in ‘Pig.’”

Ahead was the orange outline of a door.

“If you have to explain the name,” I shouted to J.Lo, “then it’s not a good name! And please tell me you’re making cats while we’re talking about this!”

Chhh “Of course. Listen—I have learned something interesting from the computer.”

Just then I felt a tug against my ankle, and heard the clanking of cans and spoons.

“I am such an idiot,” I sighed.

Ssssk “Are you there?”

“Just a minute, J.Lo.”

The door didn’t burst open this time. I didn’t squirt a little kid with window cleaner. Instead I pushed the door open myself and peeked in. Twenty feet off stood the BOOB boys, half a castle hanging upside down behind them. They were aiming guns and looked terrified.

“Hold your fire!” said Curly.

I relaxed a little and rushed toward them.

“We all have to get out of here,” I said. “The Gorg—”

There was a noise like Bwak bwak, and I felt a stinging in my chest.

“Bleep, Alberto,” Curly groaned. “I said ‘hold your fire.’”

“He didn’t mean to,” said Christian. “Look—his hands are shaking.”

I looked down at my shirt and saw a wet red stain where I’d been hit.

“What…what did you do?” I said.

“Relax,” said Curly. “They’re only paint guns.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling dumb. Then I heard noises in the hall behind me.

“What the bleep is going on up there?”

“We gotta go,” I said. “The Gorg will be here in a second.”

This caused pandemonium. From the shouting it was obvious they weren’t even certain who the Gorg were, but it hardly mattered.

“Everyone shut up!” Curly shouted.

“What do we do?” said Yosuan.

The boys looked at Curly. Curly looked at Christian.

“The back way,” Christian said. “Single file. Go!”

We rushed through a far door. Christian was the last one out, and he shut off the lights and pulled two levers that started the castle turning.

“Paint guns?” I asked.

“It slows the big aliens down if you shoot them in the eyes,” Christian said. “You gave us the idea.”

I probably blushed. An orchestra of banging and roaring could be heard behind us. The Gorg were making their way through the spinning castle room.

“We need a teleclone booth,” I said as we entered a space hung with an upside-down candy mountain and bindle sticks.

“A what?”

“Oh…uh…it’s this cage-booth thing.”

“Oh, those. There’s one in the Motorama bathroom. Make this left, guys!”

“HALT, MONKEYS!” shouted a Gorg behind us, and comets came shooting after.

Ssch “Tip?”

I drew the walkie-talkie out of my bag again.

“Okay, quickly,” I said to J.Lo while passing an upside-down model of the solar system. “What did you learn from the computer?”

CHHshh “You were right! The Gorg did not perfect the complex cloning! There are mistakes!”

“Mistakes?” I said.

Up a ramping hallway, Christian told the other boys to dump all their paintballs behind us. I wouldn’t understand why until I heard the Gorg slip and fall on them a minute later.