The Ugly Duckling Debutante(20)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Before she had a chance to respond, he leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. Careful to keep his body under control, he felt at any moment he would, in fact, die a slow and painful death from the need of her.

Sara’s response was swift and intoxicating, sending tremors through his body. How did a maiden know how to kiss so soundly? He groaned as he pushed himself up from the ground taking her with him. Swinging her around like she was nothing but a little girl he laughed against her lips. “Is that a yes?”

She looked away. “Only if you can catch me.” And she ran off into the field leaving his heart pumping with desire. He put the energy to good use and ran after her, tackling her by the picnic basket onto a big blanket.

“Ouch!” he yelled. “I think I landed on a rock.” He got up to inspect the damage but was left breathless at the sight of his soon-to-be bride. She was sprawled across the blanket, already putting strawberries into her perfectly pouted mouth. Odd, that in the time he had known her he had become jealous of everything she touched, first the flower and now strawberries?

Marriage can’t come soon enough, he grumbled to himself as he sat down beside her.

“It won’t be easy for you.”

“Marriage?” she asked mockingly. “No, I doubt it would be easy for anyone, but the good things never are.”

Nicholas grinned. “I wasn’t talking about marriage, but you are correct in your assumption. Good things always take more work, but the benefit is that much more satisfying.”

She returned his smile. “Then you’re referring to being your wife amidst all the scandal, but I can handle it. I assure you, I’m much stronger than I look.”

He gazed down, silently cursing himself for being so vulnerable. “You aren’t ashamed of me?” He couldn’t bring himself to look back into her eyes out of fear of her response.

How many times had he lain awake at night cursing himself for being such a foolish boy? Granted, it was only two years ago, but it might as well have been a different lifetime. Since finding God, his whole life was different. He had more purpose. His intentions were no longer selfish, but to seek the best for everyone around him. He tried to justify to himself that the duke had deserved everything that happened to him. But his conscience told him the truth.

Lisa was his first real love. He thought she would be his only love. The duchess had hated her name and despised anyone to call her anything except for “Your Grace.” But often she allowed Nicholas to call her by her first name. He relished the times they had enjoyed the intimacy of using first names, which unfortunately, were only when they were alone grasped in sin.

He sighed just as Sara put her hand on his arm. “How could I be ashamed of you? I’ll admit, currently you’re a mess. But you’ve been a good friend, and a loving father for bringing Duncan back.. You will be an excellent husband, and most of all, you tried to make something good out of what happened so long ago. How foolish would it be for me to hold your past sins against you? God doesn’t, so why would I?”

Such a simple answer, but it was like balm for his torn heart. It made him want to do anything in his power to make sure Sara never spent a day, never had a moment when she might feel unhappy. He would rather be a servant in her household than never see her again. That thought alone was humbling for someone of his selfish past.

He pulled her arms to him and kissed her palms, letting his face caress her hands as if they were the finest silk in the land, which is exactly what it felt like to him.

“I guess we should tell Lady Fenton that we wish to proceed?” he suggested.

Sara giggled. “Poor Aunt. She’s probably had more attention this week than in her entire life. Yes, let’s tell her. We’ll have the wedding breakfast at Fenton House and the ceremony in one of the small churches?”

The last part was more of a question, leaving Nicholas panicked. If they married in a church, the whole of the ton would want to come just to see if the bride left the groom standing at the altar. Sara seemed to notice the panic in his face. “You know, we can always do a small ceremony and a reception at Fenton House afterwards?”

He exhaled slowly, finally releasing the air he had been harboring over the last few seconds, and smiled. “I just want you to be happy, Sara. Your wish is my command.”

“In that case…I want a pony.”

“So almost any wish.”

“An island?”

He laughed.

“How about a pony on an island?”

He shook his head. “I’ll see what I can do.”

She giggled. “Too much? Well, on second thought, I guess you’ll just have to do.”

“Your ability to humble me is extraordinary,” he beamed and pulled her into a kiss.

“Get used to it,” she whispered against his lips. Nicholas responded by tackling her and stealing the strawberries.

Chapter Fourteen

Sara walked through the doors of her aunt’s house, giddy with delight. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. Impossible for her to contain her excitement; with every breath he heart threatened to explode. It took every ounce of self-control just to keep herself from smiling everywhere she went. She was getting married in a few days to the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Sure, scandal seemed to follow him at every turn, and he did have a son out of wedlock, but she found herself inexplicably drawn to him. In a way, they needed each other. Nicholas’s heart was half-broken from past mistakes, and hers was just starting to beat again and regain courage after a childhood riddled with neglect and scorn from the people who should have loved her most. The two of them could find love in each other, or so she hoped.

It was easy to see Nicholas still wanted to punish himself. In spite of his disclosure about the contract for the first year of their marriage, he escorted her home earlier that day and explained their plans to Lady Fenton.

Sara expected her to be shocked, but she merely said she assumed as much and had already made some inquires as to which churches were available for the ceremony. Sara had to admit her aunt was surprising her more and more each day.

“Sara?” Her aunt’s voice was soft and cautious behind the closed door of her room.

“Yes?” she answered.

“May I speak with you?”

Sara opened the door to her aunt and Davina holding a tray of tea and biscuits. “Of course, Aunt. Do come in.”

They sat near the fireplace silently eating the biscuits and drinking tea. Her aunt was the first to break the silence. “Davina, will you excuse us, please?”

Davina flashed a worried glance toward Sara and curtsied.

Lady Fenton’s hands were trembling as she put her teacup back onto the tray. “My dear, I have a confession to make.”

“Another?” Sara asked before realizing how sarcastic it would sound. She opened her mouth to apologize, but her aunt smiled in response. She was probably used to Sara speaking before thinking.

“Yes, I know. It seems I’ve done nothing but hide the truth from you and manipulate you, but I do believe your marriage will be a love match—if he lets you in, that is.” So, her aunt also saw how much he guarded himself; she would need to work with him on becoming more vulnerable.

“I want to talk to you about your parents.”

Sara’s stomach clenched at the thought of her parents. Their treatment of her, as if she was an unwelcome stranger in her own home. “What about my parents?”

“You have to understand, my dear. They did the best they could, given the circumstances. I owe them so much more than I’m willing to admit.” Her aunt was beginning to pale as the conversation drew on. “I was so young when it happened. I had no idea the consequences of my choice. I wanted to marry an earl or a viscount. I had no other options.”

“What are you talking about?” Sara whispered, leaning toward her now noticeably frail aunt. She was speaking in riddles.

“I fell in love; I let the duke seduce me with his smooth words. He always joked about wanting to marry, but I took him seriously. When I found out I was with child, he offered to fund a family to adopt the child, so nobody would get wind of the scandal. In my heart I couldn’t do that, so I took the child into the country to be raised by my sister and her husband." Sara’s aunt stared at her own trembling hands. She paused, as if struggling with something. When she continued, it was by pure force of will, dredging out the words that were so obviously weighing heavily on her. "It wasn’t until recently, a few short weeks ago, I realized the treatment you were actually receiving. At the time I was so shocked to see your state that I was angry. Angry at myself for not being brave; angry that you were more beautiful than I could have imagined; angry that I missed your entire childhood.”

Sara’s mind reeled, What was the woman saying? Lady Fenton shook her head fiercely, “I never meant for you to believe you were ugly. I was the one who was ugly with my words and actions. It was too easy to take my anger out on you. But since you’ve come to stay with me, as I have watched you handle yourself in all these dreadful circumstances, I have seen that you are everything I never was and more. You are far more beautiful and kind than I could ever dream to be. I—“ She cut off abruptly and lifted a handkerchief to her eye.

Sara couldn’t think; she couldn’t speak. All those years, all those horrible years of enduring unfair treatment from her parents. She thought they despised her and viewed her as useless, ugly, and different. No wonder she looked nothing like her family! She had been living with an aunt and uncle the entire time! She wanted to scream, My entire life has been a lie! But then again, hadn’t she always known? Did she ever really feel connected to her family? No, she was more attuned to the families in books; the ones which didn’t exist. In her heart, she felt nothing for those who raised her. They abused her verbally and treated her like a slave.

“I am so proud of you, Sara. And I do truly believe this match with Lord Renwick will be perfect for you. I am sorry to say the money I left you was taken by your parents, when I signed you over to their care.”

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” Sara asked calmly. Thoughts of how badly she’d been treated made her want to cry at the injustice.

“I’m ashamed to admit I only recently told my husband of your existence. I told myself you were happier without me. When I heard of your sisters’ elopement and your parents’ need for funds, I scolded myself for not checking up on you more consistently. I told myself I would see how you fared and leave money with your parents. Instead I found myself begging your mother to allow you to come back with me for a season. They won’t release their hold on you until you are married, my dear. Then you will be your husband’s property, and you will be free of them.”

“I need to think about all of this. I need…time,” Sara said slowly, wondering how she was able to sound so calm when everything inside her, everything she knew about herself, was in utter chaos.

“I understand completely, my dear; I only ask one thing…”

Sara met Lady Fenton’s gaze.