The Unidentified Redhead (Redhead #1)(4)
Author: Alice Clayton

“I really wouldn’t rush to judgment on that yet. You don’t know how abnormal I am,” I stated, placing my hands on my hips.

“I have to tell you, Jack, she’s not right in the head,” Holly warned. “You don’t want any of this. Believe me, I know. I’ve known Grace since college, and she’s insane,” Holly agreed, knocking back the last of her cocktail.

“Wait, is this Grace, your best friend Grace? The one who leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house?” he asked, looking back and forth between us.

“Yep, this is my Gracie. Now ask her why she leaves piles of Chex Mix around the house,” Holly teased while Jack looked at me questioningly.

I gave her a look. “First of all, thanks for telling my tales all over town, ass.

And to clarify, it is not piles all over the house. I happen to not care for the little Melba toasts, so whenever I eat Chex Mix, I set aside the toasts so that I don’t have to eat them. That way, if anyone else wants them, they can have them,” I finished, showing Holly my middle finger.

“I happen to love the Melba toasts,” he confessed, laughing at Holly’s face when she realized that this seemed to make perfect sense to him.

“Well, next time I have a pile, I’ll save them for you. This way if you’re ever in some kind of toast emergency …” I offered.

“… I’ll have some on standby. I feel good about this plan,” he continued.

Holly shook her head at both of us. I noticed the two girls Jack had been talking to inside coming out to join us on the terrace. They approached from both sides as Holly winked at Jack and began pulling me into the house.

“I’ll see you later, dear. Make sure you come and say goodbye to me before you leave,” Holly said over her shoulder as we walked back across the slate tiles.

“Let me know when you’re ready for that tryst,” I shot over my shoulder, winking at the girls who looked a little stunned. I couldn’t resist.

“You, me, Melba toasts.” He grinned back at me.

“Since when do you invite groupies to your house?” I asked once we were inside.

“Groupies? Oh, those two? Sweetie, the blonde is an entertainment lawyer and the brunette is a PR exec. But Brit Boy over there turns them al into giggling idiots.” She smiled knowingly as I looked back over my shoulder at the three of them on the terrace. Jack was standing between them as they jostled to get closer. He caught my eye and smiled that same sheepish grin.

Wow, really, a lawyer … those stories must be damn good.

About an hour later, with the party finally winding down, I was in the kitchen getting some crackers to begin sucking up the five dirty martinis I had sucked down. I was leaning on my elbows on the granite counter top, thinking about how my head was going to hurt tomorrow, when I heard someone come in.

“Hello, again,” I heard a musical voice say.

I looked up with my eyes, not even bothering to push myself back up off the counter where I was now half-laying. It was Jack … and the Giggle Girls were nowhere in sight.

“Hello, yourself. Did you have a good time tonight?’ I asked, before shoving a Saltine in my mouth.

“Oh, no. Crackers … that’s never a good sign. Too much?” he asked.

“Maybe, if you consider three more than I usually have too much.” I grimaced, remembering the last time I was hung over. I was really not looking forward to tomorrow.

“I find that the best cure for a hangover is to just keep drinking,” he said, smirking. He walked toward the other side of the counter, placing his hands on either side of me.

“Yes, well, that’s because you’re like seventeen and capable of shit like that,” I said. “I, on the other hand, will wake up tomorrow feeling like something died in my mouth, with my eyes puffed up like cabbages,” I said with a chuckle.

“Wow, that’s a really descriptive picture. I’m almost tempted to stick around and see that.” He laughed. “And I’m twenty-four, not seventeen, for future reference,” he added. I arched my eyebrow at him.

Young pup. I used to be able to drink and dance all night, get one hour of sleep, and go to work the next day, still looking fabulous. Ah, to be young and foolish again.

You’re still foolish …

I stretched my arms over my head and then back behind me, trying to work the kinks out. When I looked back at him, I realized that I had basically just thrust my chest in his face, and he was letting his eyes linger.

“Are you looking at my boobies?” I asked, doing a little shimmy shake. He froze, and then burst out laughing.

“Yes, yes, I guess I am looking at your boobies. They’re quite nice boobies,” he managed to choke out between laughs.

“They are quite nice, that’s true. And all mine. You probably don’t get to touch a lot of real bona fide natural boobies here in L.A., but there’s still a few of us rocking the real stuff.” I laughed along with him.

“I also think you like men looking at your boobies. Why else did you put sparkles on them?” he stated, finally looking me in the eyes again, still chuckling.

“Sparkles, what are you talking about?” I looked down at the girls and noticed that I did have a few sparkles on my cle**age. “Oh yeah, I guess I did.

I put on a little shimmer body lotion before I got dressed tonight.”

“Wow, girls sure do weird stuff. Especially you American girls. So much shimmer and sparkle. Who told you tits were supposed to sparkle? Sorry, boobies,” he corrected.

“You can say tits, although I prefer boobies. I also like Ta-Tas,” I said with a straight face.

“How about love pillows?” he countered.

“Breasticles?” I offered.

“Uhhh, how about Flap Jacks?” he asked, struggling not to laugh.

“Nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to sweater meat,” I managed to get out before laughing so loud I sprayed Saltines all over the counter. He joined me, and I actually had tears streaming down my face as we started wiping up my cracker spittle. Holly walked in at that moment, took one look at us and started shaking her head.

“Oh boy, what the hell is going on in here? Never mind. Jack, your ladies are looking for you. They are salivating all over the entry-way. It’s time to take them back to your place. Grace, why are there cracker crumbs all over your cle**age?” she asked, staring at my Saltine-encrusted chest.

We both started laughing again as I extended my hand.