The Wanderer
It was with that simple action that Gina felt her throat close and her eyes cloud.
They’d known each other for what? A few weeks? A couple of months? Of course they were bonded over Landon’s problems, but they weren’t attracted to each other because of Sarah’s brother. Gina wondered how deep, how intense the relationship was now, but of course she couldn’t ask. In fact, learning this way, at a raucous football game, was a blessing; no one would notice that she was so envious she could have wept. By halftime, when Cooper and Mac wandered off to stretch their legs, leaving the women, she was composed again.
Gina turned to Sarah and said, “When did that happen? You and Cooper?”
Sarah shrugged. “A week, maybe ten days ago.”
“I like him,” Carrie said.
“Good man, Cooper,” Lou said.
Gina leaned close to Sarah’s ear and asked, “Next level?”
Before Sarah could even think about answering, Carrie said, “Gina!”
“Damn, she’s got the ears of a bloodhound,” Gina said.
“Well, it’s none of your business,” Carrie said. “Besides, it’s obvious.”
“It is?” Sarah and Gina said in unison.
With a wave of her hand, Carrie said, “It’s in the touch, the look, just the energy. Go ahead and deny it, Sarah.”
To Gina’s surprise, Sarah only laughed. “We’re just friends,” she said. “It’s very comfortable but not serious.”
“Ah, friends with benefits,” Carrie said. “The modern way.”
“Not exactly,” Sarah said. “We’re dating, that’s all. Cooper completely understands that a serious or even potentially serious relationship is out of the question for me. I’ve been divorced less than a year. My first priorities are Landon and my job and, believe me, I’m in no way ready to get involved in anything long-term. Too risky for me. My wounds are still a little fresh. And Cooper...? Well, he makes no secret about the fact that he has a few things to do here and then he’ll be leaving. He’s been doing the internet-job-search thing.”
“What about the beach?” Gina asked.
“He hasn’t decided. But he’s a helicopter pilot, military first and then civilian. There aren’t any helicopter jobs around here outside of the Coast Guard. He’s leaving, girls. And you know what? That makes him kind of safe for me.”
“Unless you accidentally fall in love with him,” Gina said.
“I already love him, but not in that typical romantic way. Not the way I fell for my ex before I knew he was a cruel, selfish bastard. I love the way Cooper keeps an eye out for my brother, love the way he makes me laugh, love that I can trust his friendship. And in two or three months, we’re not going to live in the same town, but if we’re still good friends, maybe we’ll stay in touch. Right now, all I want is a nice guy to go to dinner with sometimes and who will hold my hand in public. That’s all I want. All I have room for in my life.”
“Fling?” Lou asked.
“I’m not going to put a label on it. We could decide this is not the best idea in two weeks. Or we could stumble along for a while. We did make a promise to each other—that if it wasn’t the right thing for one of us and we had to step away, there would be no drama. I’m not going to hold a man hostage. No way.”
It hit Gina hard and suddenly. She would take any part of that, any little part. A date, a little hand-holding, some late-night chats on the phone, whatever. She’d go along with that whole “not serious” thing if that’s all there was.
But it was Lou who asked, “Think you can stick to that?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Right now if I went out with a man who was looking for a wife or even a live-in partner, I’d run for my life. We’ll go out some night, a girl’s night, and I’ll tell you about the ex, the cheating bastard who dumped me and my brother after less than a year.” She shook her head. “Not easy for me to trust men now. Just the fact that I trust Cooper’s friendship is a big step.”
“Yeah,” Lou said. “She can stick to it.”
It was only a few moments before the men were back with snacks and everything in the conversation changed as they waited for the second half to start. Except for one thing. Gina thought she had a better grasp of Mac’s fear of relationships. It must be a little like Sarah’s, but with a lot more tenacity—his wife had left him ten years ago. She knew all about his ex-wife’s betrayal. Not from Mac, though he’d mentioned a few details, but from Lou, whose anger over what Cee Jay had done to her family was enormous and frightening.
The game was won by a landslide, Landon once again the star. The parents had all been warned that there would be celebrating tonight, closing off football for the season. Everyone grabbed their bleacher cushions, lap blankets, coolers and trash and headed out. But Gina stayed for a moment. She remembered being a high school sophomore, sitting right here on these bleachers. The games were thrilling, the crowds of kids even more so. The forbidden parties afterward were electrifying. Gina had a boyfriend who hung out with a lot of Thunder Point High kids, but he wasn’t a student. He’d dropped out the year before and was an auto mechanic in Bandon, which made him dangerous and arousing. He liked the games and after-parties; he liked the girls, fast driving and late nights. And Gina—he liked Gina. She held him off for their first five secret dates and then gave in and got pregnant.
When she told her boyfriend, he split. Moved. Bolted. She heard he went to Idaho to work. A few years later his parents moved away from Thunder Point, into a seniors’ community near their married daughter and grandchildren. All ties were broken. Hell, there hadn’t been any ties! No one had even acknowledged that Ashley was his child.
She hadn’t gone to another high school football game until Ashley began cheering.
“Hey,” Mac called from several seats below. “Coming?”
Not in years, she wanted to say. Instead, she said, “Coming.”
It’s not as though Gina hadn’t realized before tonight that she had no romantic partner in her life. Never had. She’d had a few meaningless dates that had never shown potential and one big heartthrob who kept her at arm’s length.
Mac put out his hand as she stepped down the bleachers and she let him help her. They walked together toward the parking lot.
“Good game,” he said.
She nodded.
“I can’t wait to see what that kid does next year,” Mac said. “Dupre. He’s some ball player.”
Her buddy, Mac, she thought. Her pal.
“Hey, what’s up with you? You’re quiet.”
She stopped walking and looked up at him. She thought, This has gone on long enough. I have to get on with my life. He’s never going to be mine. “Headache,” she said.
“Too much noise?” he asked.
“Maybe.”
“The kids are all going out. Lou can take Dee Dee and Ryan home. How bad is that headache? We could grab a beer and still be home by curfew.”
And then I can go home and fall asleep to that old fantasy that we might be more than pals? When it’s never going to happen? “Maybe another time, Mac. I’m working in the morning.”
“You sure?” he asked. “We could get you an aspirin or something.”
“I think I need my bed.” They got to the parking lot and she veered off toward her car. Carrie stood there, talking with Lou, waiting for her.
“See you later, then,” he said.
“Later,” she answered. And later and later and later and later...
* * *
The next morning, Gina cursed the doorbell. It was eleven o’clock. Carrie was at the deli, Ashley had gone shopping with Eve, Gina was finally alone and desperately needed to be. She had held her wrecked emotions inside until she could have some space, some privacy. She ignored the doorbell, but it rang again and again. With her red nose and watering eyes, she finally threw her ratty old robe over her pajamas and opened the door to meanly tell the stupid SOB who was leaning on the bell to get off her porch.
“Hi. You okay?” Mac asked.
“What are you doing here?” she shot back.
“You called in sick to the diner. You never call in sick.” He peered at her closely. “God, you look awful.”
She glared at him. “Thanks so much.”
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor? Do you have a fever?”
“No! It’s a cold, it’ll pass! But I’m not feeling like company.”
He pushed his way inside. “I’ll make you some tea or soup or something. You go lay on the couch. Did your headache turn into a cold? Must’ve been sinus or something. Maybe I should get some soup from Carrie.”
She rolled her eyes. Oh, God, she internally wailed. Just what she needed—Mac. And Mac at the deli, looking for chicken soup? Carrie, who left for work before dawn, had no idea Gina was staying home, claiming a cold. She was supposed to be having a richly deserved self-pity party! This was her only chance. She sank down onto the couch and pressed a tissue up to her face. “Mac, all I really need is to sleep.”
He stepped back into the living room, holding a can of chicken soup—Chicken & Stars, not something the owner of a deli would brag about. “I could warm this up for you.”
“No, thank you,” she said. “Please go. Before you breathe my air and get sick.”
He sat down in the chair across the small room from her, transferring the can from hand to hand. He just looked at her for a moment. She blew her nose. She tried a little cough.
“You’re not sick,” he said. “You’re crying. Why are you crying? What happened? Who did this to you?”
She shook her head and in spite of her determination, her eyes welled with unshed tears. She was not going to talk to him about this! “Mac, it’s very personal. Please. Don’t push.”
“But what is it?” he asked again, leaning toward her, his elbows on his knees, gripping the soup can. “Is Ashley in trouble? Is Carrie all right? Did someone hurt you? Do you need money?”
“Oh, for God’s sake! No! No! No! Will you leave this alone?”
“I can’t,” he said. “I’ve never seen you cry. Tell me, Gina.”
“You’re pissing me off!”
“Tell me!”
“Cooper and Sarah were holding hands at the game!” she blurted. Then she dropped her head into her hands. “Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!”
Mac was silent. She lifted her head, wiped off her eyes and nose with the tissue and saw by his expression that he was stunned. “You have a thing for Cooper?” he asked quietly.
She just looked at him in wonder. She shook her head. “No, Mac, I don’t have a thing for Cooper. I haven’t had a date in five years. I saw Sarah and Cooper holding hands and it hit me—they’ve only known each other a few weeks. And I’m alone. Way too alone.”
“You’re not alone, Gina. You have your mom, your daughter, friends...”
“You’re an idiot.” She stood up. “And now you have to go because at this moment I want to be alone!” She went to the front door and opened it.
Mac slowly stood. “I don’t think I understand what’s—”
“I know you don’t. Gimme that soup,” she said, snatching it from his hand.
“I thought, if you’re not sick, maybe you want to go out tonight. It’s Lou’s bunco night, but Eve can watch the kids and—”
“I’m busy,” she said, cutting him off. “Maybe another time. Now if you don’t mind...”
“Jesus, Gina,” he said.
“See you later,” she said. “Nice of you to check on me. Bye.”