This Is What Happy Looks Like(20)
Author: Jennifer E. Smith

But Quinn only shook her head. “I don’t care about that,” she said. “I mean, I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been fun to have a fling with a celebrity this summer, or that it’s not hard to get my head around the idea of you and Graham Larkin, but…”

Ellie braced herself. “But?”

“I can’t believe you never told me,” she said, looking genuinely hurt. “All this time you’ve been keeping it a secret? I thought the deal was that we tell each other everything.”

“It is,” Ellie said, lowering her eyes. “We do. It’s just that—”

She was interrupted by the sound of the village clock as it rang out over the town, a series of deep thudding tones, and Quinn swore under her breath.

“I’ve got to go,” she said. “We’ll have to finish talking about this later.”

“Okay,” Ellie said, aware of the guilty blush that was making her cheeks hot. “I promise I can explain…”

“You better,” Quinn said, and to Ellie’s relief, she offered a small smile. “Otherwise you won’t get to hear about what happened to me last night.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing much,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Just that Devon Alexander kissed me.”

Ellie’s mouth fell open. “How did that happen?”

“After Graham left to find you, Devon ended up having dinner with me, and I think he was feeling bad that my big date left, so he was being really sweet, and afterward he walked me home, and it just sort of happened.” Quinn was shaking her head, though it was hard to tell whether it was with amazement or disbelief. Everyone knew that Devon had been in love with her since the second grade, but she’d never been remotely interested in him, and had in fact spent as much energy ignoring him as he’d spent adoring her. “And the thing is, it was kind of not so bad.”

“Kind of not so bad?” Ellie said, and Quinn’s face broke into a real smile this time.

“Okay, fine,” she said. “It was kind of good. Can you believe it?”

Ellie laughed. “No, actually.”

“So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Did you kiss Graham Larkin?”

She laughed. “Weren’t you running late?”

“Yeah,” Quinn said, glancing at her watch. “I’ve got to go. But you’re not off the hook, okay? I’ll call you later.” She downed the last of her lemonade before dashing back over to the door. Just before stepping outside, she turned around again. “Hey, El?” she said. “Don’t be weird about this thing, okay?”

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked with a frown.

“It’s just that he’s actually nice. And it’s obvious he really likes you. So just try not to get in your own way.”

“I don’t…” Ellie began to protest, but the door bounced shut before she could finish. She stood there for a moment in the quiet of the shop, thinking about Graham, and about Devon and Quinn and how unlikely that was. Her eyes slid back to the computer screen, and she bit her lip.

This time, her fingers seemed to move on their own.

Yes, she typed, just to see what it felt like.

The door opened again, and once more, Ellie clicked away from her in-box, looking up as a family of tourists wandered in. She flashed her most welcoming smile, but they were immediately distracted by the barrels of beach toys near the door. The two boys each grabbed a foam noodle and began jousting as their mother tried to wrestle them from their hands, but it was the youngest one that Ellie was watching, a small tow-haired girl who couldn’t have been older than four.

While the mother dealt with the boys, the father took the girl’s hand and led her over to the display of postcards, kneeling beside her and pointing at the various scenes. Her face was serious as she picked out one after another, holding them by the edges, her eyes big as she studied them.

Watching the two of them, Ellie couldn’t help the thought that always came to her in these moments, petty and jealous as it was: that there was no way that little girl would remember this. Childhood memories were like airplane luggage; no matter how far you were traveling or how long you needed them to last, you were only ever allowed two bags. And while those bags might hold a few hazy recollections—a diner with a jukebox at the table, being pushed on a swing set, the way it felt to be picked up and spun around—it didn’t seem enough to last a whole lifetime.

Still, whether this one would count for her or not, there was no doubt this girl would have more memories of her father than Ellie, who only had a handful to go back to again and again. Now, after so many years, they were fuzzy and well worn, like papers that had been folded and refolded enough times that you might mistake them for cloth.

Her father had been a first-term congressman and a rising star in the Republican Party when he met her mother, a waitress at his favorite diner, who was ready with his pancakes and coffee every morning before he even walked in the door. Over time, ordering turned to talking, which turned to flirting, which turned into something more, and before long, she was pregnant with Ellie.

The only problem was, he was already married.

Secrets never stay secret for very long. But they managed to keep this one hidden for four years. Mom refused his money, and let him visit only sparingly. During those times, she later told Ellie, Paul Whitman would hang up his expensive jacket and sit on the ratty floor of the even rattier apartment to play with his daughter for an hour or two—he and Mom barely exchanging a word—and then, when the time was up, he would rise and kiss Ellie on the forehead, try once more unsuccessfully to hand Mom a check, and then he would be gone again.

It might have continued like that for longer if he wasn’t a politician, and if his name wasn’t starting to be bandied about as a future presidential candidate. But as it was, the press had taken a keen interest in him, especially once he decided to run for the Senate. Ellie was four when the story broke. And in its wake, everything else broke too.

For three months, Mom tried to stick it out. For three months, she was hounded by the press, followed everywhere with cameras, harassed by reporters and peppered with questions. The pictures Ellie had seen online showed a younger version of her mother hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses. In every one, she’s carrying Ellie on her hip, pressing her daughter’s face into her sweater to protect her from the glare of the unwavering spotlight.