This Is What Happy Looks Like(44)
Author: Jennifer E. Smith

It wasn’t about not wanting him. She was only protecting herself.

But it didn’t matter now. They sat facing each other on the enormous sloping rock that jutted out above the surf. The sun was falling lower in the sky, and though she was now wearing shorts and a T-shirt, Ellie still hugged the towel around her like a blanket, shivering in spite of the late-day heat. Her long hair was still damp from the water, and her nose was pink from the sun.

She’d tried to talk first, and so had he, their words tumbling into one another like bumper cars until she made him sit down across from her, and they each took a deep breath, laughing without any good reason except that there was a rare kind of joy in this, being here together again. Even without any explanations or apologies, it felt like a redo, a second chance, a new beginning. It was a gift, and Graham didn’t want to be the one to spoil it. But there were things to be said, and so he cleared his throat and leaned forward.

“Me first,” he said, and Ellie nodded, her face growing sober. It was hard to figure out where to begin, and Graham hesitated. “I know what happened,” he said eventually. “I know that it wasn’t about you and me. It was about your dad.”

She flinched. “How do you—”

“Harry found out,” he said. “My manager. He won’t tell anyone. It’s just that he knew I liked you, and he was only trying to protect me—”

“Protect you?” she said, her green eyes flashing.

“That’s just his job,” he said. “But it’s not the point. It wasn’t ever about us, right? Which means it doesn’t matter anymore. Now that I know.”

Ellie frowned. “Of course it matters,” she said. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“It changes everything,” Graham said. “I don’t care about your past, or who your dad is. It was just about the publicity, right? The cameras?” He lifted his shoulders. “So we’ll stay away from them.”

“Graham,” she said, her voice stern, though the corner of her mouth was twitching in an effort not to smile. “Just think about it for a second. It’s not that easy to stay away from them. It’s part of who you are.”

“It’s not who I am,” he said, feeling a small flicker of annoyance, and her face softened.

“That’s not what I meant,” she said, and then, to Graham’s surprise, she reached out and touched the side of his face. He felt the heat of her hand on his skin, impossibly soft, but before he could react, she pulled away again, looking embarrassed. “I only meant that it’s too big a risk to take. I’m glad you know the story. I’ve never been able to tell anyone. But being with you—it’s too public. I just can’t do that to my mom.” She paused and looked out across the water. “And Harry’s probably right. It can’t be the best publicity for you either.”

“I don’t care,” he said. “It’s not important.”

“It is,” she said, looking at him a bit sadly. “And it’s just not worth the risk. You’re only here for a few more days anyway.”

“Exactly,” he said, inching closer. “We’ve wasted three whole weeks.”

She lowered her eyes. “I know.”

“That’s a long time,” he said. “I haven’t even gone three hours without knowing what you’ve been doing since we first started talking.”

She smiled, but it fell away again almost immediately. “We can’t do this.”

“Because of the cameras?”

Ellie nodded. “You know that the minute we go back into town—”

“Okay,” Graham said, looking around the beach. The sun had finally dipped behind the trees, and the waves were tinged with gold. “Then we’ll just stay here.”

She laughed. “Forever?”

“Sure,” he said. “Seems as good a place to live as any.”

“Nice waterfront view.”

“Plenty of light.”

“A beachfront property.

And no cameras.”

He nodded. “No cameras.”

She reached for his hand, and her fingers were warm against his. “I don’t want to lose any more time,” she said quietly, and when he leaned forward to kiss her, he could taste the salt on her lips. It was like gravity, this thing between them, a pull as strong as the tides and unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He’d meant it as a joke when he said he could stay here forever, but he suddenly felt it to be true.

When she pulled back, he was unprepared to let her go just yet, so he looped an arm around her shoulders, and she fell back onto his chest, curled up against him. They stayed there like that for a long time, looking out over the water without speaking, the setting sun at their backs.

“Is this where you watch the sunrise?” he asked. “I bet it’s the perfect spot.”

Ellie twisted to face him with a sheepish expression. “Actually, I’ve never seen it.”

“What? How is that even possible?”

“I always sleep through them,” she admitted. “I know, it’s terrible.”

“But that was on your list.”

“What list?”

“Of the things that make you happy.”

“Oh,” she said. “Right. I guess that was more wishful thinking. Anyway, you lied too.”

He raised his eyebrows. “How?”

“You said you liked meeting new people…”

She didn’t have to finish the thought. He knew what she meant. And it was true—or at least it had been, before he met Ellie. But now everything had changed.

“I wasn’t lying,” he said, resting his chin on top of her head. “I was talking about you.”

“Good,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Because I liked meeting you too.”

“Hopefully better than you like sunrises.”

“Having never seen them,” she supplied, and he nodded.

“Exactly. How can you know it makes you happy if you’ve never experienced it?”

“There are different kinds of happy,” she said. “Some kinds don’t need any proof.”

“Like sunrises?”

“Exactly,” she said. “I know enough to know that they’re happy things. There’s just nothing sad about a sunrise.”

“As opposed to a sunset.”