Thoughtful (Thoughtless #1.5)(93)
Author: S.C. Stephens

As we sought comfort in each other’s embrace, a light knock sounded on the door. Wanting whoever it was to go away, I ignored it. “Guys? It’s me…Jenny.” Kiera and I both continued ignoring her; whatever she wanted could wait. Kiera and I didn’t have much time together, and she tasted so good…

Jenny wasn’t one to be ignored for long, so she opened the door and came inside. Since she knew everything anyway, Kiera and I kept right on kissing. “Uh…Kiera, sorry, but you wanted me to find you?”

Kiera nodded and I smiled, but we didn’t stop kissing. I never wanted to stop kissing her. Jenny, sounding a little irritated, told us, “Uh, okay…can you guys stop doing that?”

My reply was instant. “No,” I muttered around Kiera’s lips. Whatever she wanted, she could tell us while we kissed. And if it made her uncomfortable, she didn’t have to watch.

While Kiera laughed in my mouth, Jenny sighed and said, “Okay, then. Well, two things actually. One, Kellan, you’re up.”

I gave her a thumbs-up, which made Kiera laugh again. I took the opportunity to stroke the roof of her mouth with my tongue. If I had more time, I would have stroked a lot more of her with my tongue…

Jenny sighed again. “Second, Denny talked to Griffin.”

That got my attention. Fucking Griffin.

The moment over, Kiera and I broke apart. Looking over at Jenny, we simultaneously said, “What?”

Jenny’s expression was sullen as she shrugged. “I tried to sideline Griffin, but Denny was talking about you having a hard time leaving your family.” She paused to give Kiera a withering look. “Denny casually mentioned Anna, so, naturally, Griffin told him every gory detail of their time together while she was here.” She cringed. Jenny had heard those details before. We all had. Except Kiera…and Denny. “Denny, of course, brought up Kellan and Anna, and the fight between you and Kellan in the bar. Griffin got all bent out of shape. He vehemently denied that Kellan had ever slept with her. That he actually took Anna out from under Kellan, and that…” She looked over at me, and seemed reluctant to finish her thought. “…Kellan was a prick for trying to…and I’m quoting here…‘nab his score.’” She cringed again, then looked over at Kiera. “I’m sorry, Kiera…but Denny knows that you lied.”

So that was it. The charade was over. Oddly enough, I felt completely calm. I guess all of my preparation for this moment had paid off. Kiera couldn’t choose, Denny was about to figure it out. It was time for me to go. It was time for my final goodbye. Silently wishing I’d brought the necklace with me, so I could give it to Kiera tonight, I thanked Jenny for relaying the message.

She apologized again, then left us alone. Kiera started panicking. She wasn’t prepared for this moment, like I was. Clutching my shoulders so hard I could feel her nails digging into my skin, she said, “What do we do?” Searching my face, she started running though complicated scenarios that, in the end, wouldn’t save us. “Okay…it’s not so bad. I’ll just tell him that you lied to me…and Anna lied to me…and…” Seeing the pointlessness of lies upon lies, she looked away.

“Kiera…that won’t work. He’ll just be even more suspicious if you start saying that everyone else is lying. No lies will work, baby.”

She looked back at me, a small smile on her lips as my term of endearment warmed her. It fell off her face in an instant though. “Then what do we do?”

I say goodbye and let you have the better man, before it’s too late and you lose him forever.

Sighing, I ran a finger down her cheek. “We do the only thing we can do. I go onstage, and you go back to work.”

She obviously couldn’t see the solution in that. “Kellan…”

“It will be fine, Kiera. I need to go. I need to talk to Evan before we start.” It was time to add our new song to the mix. I hoped the crowd liked it, and I hoped Kiera understood why I had to play it. It was better to end the lie.

Kissing her head, I left her reeling in the bathroom while I sought out Evan. He was beside the stage, getting ready to go up. I stopped him with a hand on his arm. Even though I couldn’t even look Denny’s way, I could feel his icy eyes on my back. Denny was a smart guy, and now that the wool had been lifted from his eyes, he knew the truth. He knew I had betrayed him.

Evan’s mouth was in a firm line as he looked at me. In a low voice, he said, “Kellan, we’ve got trouble. Griffin—”

I put my hand up to stop him. “I know. Jenny told me. Denny knows we lied. He’s figuring it out, right now.”

Evan looked over my shoulder, to where Denny was still seated at our table. “Yeah, and if looks could kill, you’d be sizzling right now. You should go talk to him. Fess up.”

I closed my eyes. Talk to him. That was what a mature, responsible man in my position would do. A man who was worthy of having Kiera. But that man wasn’t me…and I couldn’t face Denny. Opening my eyes, I shook my head. “I can’t…I can’t deal with him yet. But I want to sing the new song tonight.”

Evan’s jaw dropped. “Kellan…you can’t sing that with him here, especially since he knows now. It’s a neon sign—”

I shook my head again. “I don’t care. It’s for her. It’s what I want to do. I have to…I have to say goodbye, and this is the only way…”

Evan leaned in to me. “It’s not the only way.” Glancing up, he scowled. He wasn’t looking at Denny this time, so I had to believe Kiera had reentered the bar. Evan’s expression darkened as he returned his eyes to me. “This is stupid. I don’t think we should—”

I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t often pull rank, but this was important to me. “I don’t give a shit what you think. This is my band, and we’re playing the song. End of discussion.”

Feeling like the largest d-bag on the planet, I watched as Evan gave me a curt nod, glanced at Denny, then hopped onstage. The rest of the guys joined him, and Evan passed along the new lineup.

Wishing I hadn’t said any of that to Evan, I risked a glance at Denny. He hadn’t heard us arguing, but he’d witnessed it. The look on his face was cold…suspicious. It was an odd expression to see on him; he’d never looked at me that way before. As far as I’d seen, he’d never looked at anyone that way before. Kiera carefully avoided looking up at the stage, so I made myself not look her way either. Not that it really mattered now. Denny knew, or would soon. Nothing we did now would change that, so I might as well say goodbye the way I wanted to.

At the end of our set, I announced to the crowd that we had one more song for them, a new one. Evan frowned but started playing on cue. Even though Kiera was acting as if she wasn’t paying attention, I hoped she heard the words…they were for her.

I tuned everything out: the crowd, Denny, Evan, Jenny, Kiera…everyone, and purely focused on the words. I wanted to bleed them from me. “You’re everything I need, but I’m nothing you need…” “You’ll be all right…when he holds you tight…” “It will hurt me, it will hurt you too. But everything ends, so save your tears…”

My heart breaking, I decided to fuck it all and sing this last part directly at Kiera. She was the only one I really wanted to hear it anyway. She was standing in place, staring at me in shock, and there were tears on her cheeks. She understood. Good. Struggling to keep my pain from my voice, I sang the next lyrics clear and strong. “It’s better to never say goodbye, to just move on, to end the lie…”

A tear ran down my cheek as the emotion overwhelmed me. Kiera’s tears turned into a torrent as she continued to stare at me. “Every single day I’ll keep you with me, no matter how far from me you are…” She put one hand over her mouth while the other clutched her stomach. It was like I was ripping her in two. I was shredding us both at the same time. It had to happen though. Surely she understood that.

While the music started building to the final crescendo, Jenny approached Kiera. She whispered something to her, then started pulling her away. Kiera looked like she was about to sink to her knees and sob. My own legs were shaking with the effort of keeping me upright. I managed to keep my voice clear, but another tear rolled down my cheek. I’m going to miss you, so much.

Jenny pulled her into the kitchen while I sang the last few words. “I promise you…my love for you will never die.” You’re all I will ever want. When she disappeared from my sight, the moment suddenly felt real. Horrifyingly real. My voice cracked on the final phrase, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could finish it.

When the song was over, Kiera was gone, the crowd was silent, and my heart was so raw my chest hurt. The fans had no idea what to do with the emotional display they’d just witnessed. I wasn’t sure if they had noticed Kiera’s and my connection, but they’d certainly noticed my tears. The girls in the front were whispering to each other and pointing at me. That wasn’t a reaction I was used to.

Throwing on a smile—because I still had a job to do—I raised my hand in the air and said, “Thanks for coming out to listen to us! Have a great night!” Continue on as usual. Nothing to see here.