Tie Me

“Yes, Mommy,” Owen said.

Owen glanced at Lindsey’s back, turned a shade paler, and then reached for his sandwich. He took a small bite, as if worried she’d dosed it with a love potion. Owen really needed to talk about this. Kellen felt bad for having his phone off the night before and for keeping the topics of their earlier conversations all about himself.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Kellen said, “could I get that sandwich to go? I forgot that Owen and I have somewhere we need to be in ten minutes.”

“Sure,” she said, offering Owen a disappointed glance.

“Where?” Jacob asked.

Kellen kicked him under the table. “You know. That thing we always do eight hours before a concert?”

“Masturbate?” Jacob said in all seriousness.

Kellen touched his fingertips to his forehead and shook his head in disbelief. Owen sniggered, then chuckled, and then burst into laughter as if Jacob had just delivered the greatest punch line of all time. Yeah, Kellen definitely needed to let the man vent. He was about to explode.

Lindsey opened a drawer in the tiny kitchen area and rummaged through the contents. “Are there any baggies around here?”

“Not since Adam went straight,” Jacob said.

Owen laughed so hard, he was in danger of splitting both sides. Kellen slipped out of the booth and dragged Owen out behind him by the torn front of his shirt.

“Don’t worry about wrapping it up,” Kellen said, collecting his sandwich from Lindsey’s hand. “I’ll just carry it like this.” He took a huge bite and smiled at her. “Thanks,” he said with a full mouth. “I’m starving.”

He made sure that Owen was carrying his sandwich before he shoved him toward the door. Kellen wasn’t sure where he was taking Owen, but the bus was apparently the worst place for him at the moment.

“Do you need a ride to the hotel?” a man dressed in a black suit and tie asked as soon as they stepped off the bus.

“Yes,” Kellen said. “We need to take our bags to our rooms.”

“Is that the thing we always do eight hours before a concert?” Owen asked.

“No, we masturbate. Remember?”

Owen smiled and snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. In the back of the limo. Hope you have some tissues in the back seat,” he said to the limo driver, patting him hard on the shoulder.

Owen took a big bite of his sandwich and headed to the door that hid a baggage compartment under the bus.

“Don’t worry,” Kellen said to the stunned driver who visibly relaxed at Kellen’s placation. “I’m sure he has his own supply of tissues in his bag.”

“If not, I’ll just use your shirt.” Owen looked at Kellen and jerked, as if taken aback by his lack of shirt. “Where’s your shirt, bro?”

“Where do you think, Jizz-o-matic Plus?”

“Sorry about that. We really need to stock up on more tissues.”

When the driver was busy digging around in the trunk of the limo—probably for tissues—Owen and Kellen performed their secret victory handshake. Fucking with people was great fun. Owen had relaxed twenty-fold since they’d left Lindsey’s company. So how exactly did he plan to put up with the chick for the next three months—and if the baby did turn out to be his, put up with her forever?

Owen yanked Kellen’s overnight bag from the luggage compartment and handed it to him while he rummaged around for his own bag. By the time their baggage was in the limo’s trunk, the driver was in a panic.

“It seems I’m out of tissues,” he said.

“And I’m out of shirts,” Kellen said.

“That’s okay,” Owen said to the driver. “I’ll just use your sock. Hand it over.”

Kellen knew it would give up their juvenile gig, but he couldn’t help but laugh when the driver winced and then bent to remove his shoe.

“Dude!” Owen said, pounding the driver on the shoulder. “We’re just f**king with you. I don’t need your sock or a tissue.”

The driver’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Kelly swallows.”

Kellen slugged Owen half-heartedly and took another bite of his sandwich before sliding through the open back door of the limo.

“That was a joke too,” he heard Owen say outside. “Lighten up a little, man.”

“I apologize, sir,” the driver said stiffly. “My regular passengers don’t usually joke about such things.”

“What do they joke about?”

“Uh, the stock market mostly, sir.”

“Hmm, I’m afraid I’m not sophisticated enough to joke about the stock market, but I do know a joke about a donkey, three potatoes, and a sailor.”

“Owen, get in the car,” Kellen said. He was glad Owen was more himself now that they were out of Lindsey’s presence, but he still wanted to have a serious conversation with him. If Owen ended up in an anus-and-fart-joke frame of mind, there was no way Kellen would be able to get him to have an adult discussion. He’d be too busy trying to make Kellen laugh.

Owen entered the car and sat next to Kellen. “Good sandwich,” he said and took another bite. “Anything to drink in the minibar?”

Kellen opened the small fridge to his left and fished out a pair of beers. “Are you comfy?” Kellen asked him as he handed him a cold bottle.

Owen squirmed around in his seat. “Yep.”

“Good. Start talking.”

“About what?”

“What happened after I left last night?” Kellen opened the twist top on his beer and took a long drag.

Owen told him about Lindsey showing up unannounced and Caitlyn beating a trail out of there as fast as she could go.

“She was really upset,” Owen said

“Because she likes you and she probably wonders how it can possibly work out between the two of you now that you have a baby on the way.”

“I don’t think it’s mine,” Owen said.

“Then why are you the one taking responsibility for it?”

“Because no one else would.”

“So you had to stick your neck out and be the nice guy? Owen, sometimes you have to put yourself first.”

“If you saw the look on Lindsey’s face, you’d have done the same thing. She’s better today. Last night, she had a complete emotional meltdown and everyone was treating her like she’s toxic.”

“And you’re treating her like that today.”