True Believer(25)
Author: Nicholas Sparks

“Some of your jokes aren’t funny.”

“You like her, don’t you? I mean, you like her a lot.”

“I told you that we’re just friends.”

“I can’t believe this. You’re falling in love.”

“No,” Jeremy said.

“Hey, pal, I know you, so don’t try to deny it. And I think that’s great. Weird but great. But unfortunately, I have to cut this short if I’m going to catch my flight. Traffic is miserable, as you can probably imagine. But I can’t wait to see the woman who finally tamed you.”

“She didn’t tame me,” Jeremy protested. “Why aren’t you listening to me?”

“I am listening,” he said. “I just hear the things you’re not saying.”

“Yeah, whatever. When will you be here?”

“I’m guessing around seven tonight. I’ll see you then. And, by the way, say hello from me, okay? Tell her I’m dying to meet her and her friend . . .”

Jeremy ended the call before Alvin had a chance to finish, and, as if to underscore the point, he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

No wonder he’d been keeping it turned off. It must have been a subconscious decision, one based on the fact that both his friends had a tendency to be irritating at times. First, there was Nate the Energizer Bunny and his never-ending search for fame. And now this.

Alvin didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about. They may have been friends, they may have spent a lot of Friday nights staring at women over beers, they may have talked about life for hours, and deep down, Alvin may have honestly believed that he was right. But he wasn’t, simply because he couldn’t be.

The facts, after all, spoke for themselves. For one thing, Jeremy hadn’t loved a woman in years, and though it had been a long time, he could still remember how he’d felt back then. He was certain that he would have recognized the feeling again, and frankly, he didn’t. And in light of the fact that he’d just met the woman, the whole idea seemed preposterous. Even his highly emotional Italian mother didn’t believe that true love could blossom overnight. Like his brothers and sisters-in-law, she wanted nothing more for him than to marry and start a family, but if he showed up at her doorstep and said that he’d met someone two days ago and knew she was the one for him, his mother would smack him with a broom, curse in Italian, and drag him to church, sure that he had some serious sins that needed confessing.

His mother knew men. She’d married one, raised six boys, and was sure she’d seen it all. She knew exactly how men tended to think when it came to women, and although she relied on common sense instead of science, she was completely accurate in her judgment that love wasn’t possible in just a couple of days. Love could be set in motion quickly, but true love needed time to grow into something strong and enduring. Love was, above all, about commitment and dedication and a belief that spending years with a certain person would create something greater than the sum of what the two could accomplish separately. Only time, however, could show whether you’d been accurate in your judgment.

Lust, meanwhile, could happen almost instantly, and that’s why his mother would have smacked him. To her, the description of lust was simple: two people learn they’re compatible, attraction grows, and the ancient instinct to preserve the species kicks in. All of which meant that while lust was a possibility, he couldn’t love Lexie.

So there it was. Case closed. Alvin was wrong, Jeremy was right, and once again, the truth had set him free.

He smiled with satisfaction for a moment before his brow began to wrinkle.

And yet . . .

Well, the thing was, it didn’t quite feel like lust, either. Not this morning, anyway. Because even more than wanting to hold her or kiss her, he simply ached to see her again. To spend time with her. To talk to her. He wanted to watch her roll her eyes when he said something ridiculous, he wanted to feel her hand on his arm like the day before. He wanted to watch her nervously tuck strands of hair behind her ear, and listen as she told him about her childhood. He wanted to ask her about her dreams and hopes for the future, to know her secrets.

But that wasn’t the strange part. The strange part was that he couldn’t perceive an ulterior motive for his impulses. Granted, he wouldn’t say no if she wanted to sleep with him, but even if she didn’t, just spending time with her would be enough for now.

Deep down, he simply lacked an ulterior motive. He’d already made the decision that he would never again put Lexie in the position he had the night before. It had taken a lot of courage, he thought, to say what she had. More courage than he had. After all, in the two days they’d seen each other, he hadn’t even been able to tell her that he’d been married before.

But if it couldn’t be love and it didn’t feel like lust, what was it? Like? Did he like her? Of course, he did, but that word didn’t quite capture his feelings, either. It was a little too . . . vague and soft around the edges. People liked ice cream. People liked to watch television. It meant nothing, and it didn’t come close to explaining why, for the first time, he felt the urge to tell someone else the truth about his divorce. His brothers didn’t know the truth, nor did his parents. But, for whatever reason, he couldn’t shake the realization that he wanted Lexie to know; and right now she was nowhere to be found.

Two minutes later, Jeremy’s phone rang, and he recognized the number on the screen of his cell phone. Though not in the mood, he knew he had to answer, or the man would probably burst an artery.

“Hey there,” Jeremy said. “What’s happening?”

“Jeremy!” Nate shouted. Through the static, Jeremy could barely hear him. “Great news! You can’t believe how busy I’ve been. It’s been a madhouse! We’ve got a conference call with ABC at two o’clock!”

“Great,” he said.

“Hold on. I can’t hear you. This reception is terrible.”

“Sorry . . .”

“Jeremy! Are you still there? You’re breaking up!”

“Yeah, Nate, I’m here . . .”

“Jeremy?” Nate shouted, oblivious to his answer. “Listen, if you can still hear me, you’ve got to use a public phone and call me here. At two o’clock! Your career depends on this! Your entire future depends on this!”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” he said, almost as if talking to himself. “I can’t hear a thing you’re saying. Hit a button if you caught everything I’m saying.”

Jeremy pressed the 6.

“Great! Fantastic! Two o’clock! And be yourself! Except for the sarcastic part, I mean. These people seem pretty uptight . . .”

Jeremy hung up the phone, wondering how long it would take for Nate to realize that he wasn’t on the line anymore.

Jeremy waited. Then waited some more.

He paced the library, he wandered past Lexie’s office, he peeked out the window for signs of her car, feeling a growing sense of uneasiness as the minutes ticked by. It was just a hunch, but nothing about her absence this morning seemed right. Nonetheless, he did his best to convince himself otherwise. He told himself that she would come in eventually, and later he’d probably laugh about his ridiculous feelings. Still, now that he was finished with his research—other than possibly finding anecdotes in some of the diaries, which he hadn’t finished going through yet—he wasn’t sure what to do next.

Greenleaf was out—he didn’t want to spend any more time there than he had to, even though he was beginning to like the towel hangers. Alvin wouldn’t be here until the evening, and the last thing he wanted was to wander around town, where he might be corralled by Mayor Gherkin. Nor did he want to hang around the library all day.

He really wished Lexie had been a bit more specific in her note about when she might show up. Or even where she’d gone. He couldn’t make sense of the note even after reading it a third time. Had the lack of detail been inadvertent or something she’d done on purpose? Neither possibility made him feel any better. He had to get out of here; it was hard not to think the worst.

After gathering his things, he went downstairs and paused at the reception desk. The elderly volunteer was buried in a book. Standing before her, he cleared his throat. When she looked up, she beamed. “Well, Mr. Marsh!” she said. “I saw you come in earlier, but you looked preoccupied, so I just let you go. What can I do for you?”

Jeremy adjusted the notes beneath his arm, attempting to sound as casual as he could.

“Do you know where Ms. Darnell is? I got a note that said that she was out, and I was just wondering when she might be coming in.”

“That’s funny,” she said, “she was here when I came in.” She checked the calendar on her desk. “She doesn’t have any meetings scheduled and I don’t see any other appointments. Have you checked her office? Maybe she’s locked herself in. She does that quite a bit when the work starts piling up.”

“I have,” he said. “Would you know if she happens to have a cell phone where I can reach her?”

“She doesn’t—that I know for sure. She’s told me that when she’s off and about, the last thing she wants is for someone to find her.”

“Well . . . thanks, anyway.”

“Is there anything I could help you with?”

“No,” he said, “I just needed her help on my story.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be more help to you.”

“That’s okay.”

“Have you thought about checking Herbs? She might be helping Doris get things ready for the weekend. Or maybe she went home. The thing about Lexie is that you can never predict anything about her. I’ve learned not to be surprised by anything she does.”

“Thanks, anyway. But if she comes in, will you tell her that I was looking for her?”

Feeling more agitated than ever, Jeremy left the library.

Before heading to Herbs, Jeremy swung by Lexie’s house, noting the drawn curtains in the window and the fact that her car was gone. Although there was nothing out of the ordinary about the scene before him, it again struck him as wrong somehow, and the uneasiness only deepened as he retraced the roads back to town.

The morning rush at Herbs had died down, and the restaurant was in the twilight period between breakfast and lunch, when things were cleaned up from the last rush and preparations were being made for the next. The staff outnumbered the remaining patrons four to one, and it took only a moment to see that Lexie wasn’t here, either. Rachel was wiping a table and waved a towel when she saw him.

“Morning, darlin’,” she said, approaching. “It’s a little late, but I’m sure we can whip up some breakfast if you’re hungry.”

Jeremy slipped his keys into his pocket. “No, thanks,” he said. “I’m not that hungry. But would you happen to know if Doris is around? I’d love to talk to her if she has a moment.”

“Back for her again, huh?” She smiled and nodded over her shoulder. “She’s in the back. I’ll tell her you’re here. And by the way, that was quite a party last night. People were talking about you all morning, and the mayor dropped by to see if you’d recovered. I think he was disappointed you weren’t here.”

“I enjoyed it.”

“Do you want some coffee or tea while you’re waiting?”

“No, thanks,” he answered.

She disappeared into the back, and a minute later, Doris emerged, wiping her hands on her apron. Her cheek was smudged with dough, but even from a distance, he could see the bags under her eyes, and she seemed to be moving more slowly than usual.

“Sorry about looking like this,” she said, gesturing at herself. “You caught me mixing dough. Last night set me back a little for the weekend, and it’s going to take a bit to catch up before the crowds tomorrow.”

Remembering what Lexie had told him, he asked, “How many people are you expecting this weekend?”

“Who knows?” she said. “Usually, a couple of hundred come in for the tour, sometimes a bit more. The mayor was hoping for close to a thousand for the tour this year, but it’s always a wild guess for me to figure out how many will come in for breakfast and lunch.”

“If the mayor’s right, that’s quite a jump this year.”

“Well, take his estimate for what it’s worth. Tom has a tendency to be overly optimistic, but he’s got to create a sense of urgency to get everything ready in time. And besides, even if people don’t do the tour, folks still like to come to the parade on Saturday. The Shriners will be here zooming around with their cars, you know, and kids love to see them. And there’ll be a petting zoo, too, this year, which is new.”

“Sounds great.”

“It would be better if it wasn’t in the middle of winter. The Pamlico Festival always draws the biggest crowds, but that’s in June, and we usually have one of those traveling carnivals set up shop that weekend. Now, those are weekends that can make or break a business. Talk about stress. It’s about ten times what I’m going through now.”

He smiled. “Life here never ceases to amaze me.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it. I have a funny feeling you’d love it here.”

She sounded almost as if she was testing him, and he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Behind them, Rachel cleared a table while jawing with the cook, who was half a room away. Both were laughing at something one or the other had said.

“But, anyway,” Doris said, letting him off the hook, “I’m glad you came by. Lexie mentioned that she told you about my notebook. She warned me that you probably wouldn’t believe a word of it, but you’re welcome to look through it if you’d like. It’s in my office in the back.”