True Bliss (Bliss #2)(50)
Author: B.J. Harvey

“No, not at all. Mac, what aren’t you telling me?” I looked her straight in the eyes, shocked when I see her look away. Her body tensed up, and she looked across at Daniel who just shrugged his shoulders, oblivious to her discomfort.

“Mac?” Then it hit me.

I stood up, pointing my finger down at her. “You knew, didn’t you? You f**king knew it was him. That’s why you were encouraging me to pursue it with nightdancer…and Zander, come to think of it. Oh my f**king god. What the hell? You’re supposed to be my best friend!” I wave my hands between us angrily. “We’re supposed to tell each other everything. I can’t believe you of all people would deceive me.” I grabbed my purse and walked toward the door.

“Kate, wait!” Daniel called out, his voice low. He was angry as well, but as I turned to face him, I saw that it wasn’t with me. Mac was still sitting on the couch staring at us in disbelief.

“Stay in the guest room. I don’t want you out there by yourself when you’re so upset. If you need space, you’ve got it, but don’t go home. You know he won’t leave until he sees you again. I hardly know the guy, but from what I saw this afternoon, he’s too far gone to let you go without one hell of a fight. Sleep on it. Okay?”

He rubbed his arms up and down my arms and I sighed. Knowing he was right, I turned and started walking toward the guest room.

“I’m so sorry, babe, but you know he loves you. It may not seem like it now, but he does. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s different with you.” I looked up at Mac to see her eyes full of tears. I couldn’t trust myself not to say something I’d regret which wouldn’t do either of us any good. She’s heavily pregnant with twins, and she doesn’t need stress, and I was too pissed off and upset to control myself, or my words.

“I’m sorry too.” I said, turning my back to her.

I heard Daniel’s raised voice as I slammed the door behind me. I hated that I’d caused trouble for them, but Mac was in the wrong. Whatever her reasons, she was wrong.

I collapsed on the queen sized bed in front of me. I kicked my shoes off and curled into a ball, grabbing a pillow from under my head. I’d let the tears fall. One for every moment I’d thought that Zander was different; that he wasn’t like all of the other men in my past. I felt my phone vibrate again and looked to see Zander’s name flashing at me. He’d been ringing non-stop since I’d left. He must’ve known better than to come after me, but the ten missed calls and numerous texts showed that he was worried.

I powered my phone down and threw it on the floor. I didn’t care about anything right now.

I fell asleep in the same position, clutching the pillow for dear life.

Chapter 26: “Give Your Heart A Break”

KATE

When I wake up in the morning, I feel exhausted. I tossed and turned all night. For the first night in three months, I slept alone, and I found myself unconsciously reaching for the man I knew wasn’t there, craving the feel of his hard warm body against mine.

My heart aches like never before over the loss of the good man I thought I knew, and the pain of finding out my best friend knew all along and couldn’t tell me.

I reach over and grab my phone from the floor. I turn it on and find more missed calls and unanswered texts. I’m past anger at this point. I’ve skipped the bargaining stage of loss and moved straight into depression. My body feels heavy. I want to stay tucked up in this room forever and forget about the mess waiting for me outside these walls and this apartment.

How can something so right go so horribly wrong in mere minutes? How can I go from an extreme high to such a devastating low?

I read through the texts from Zander, tormenting myself with the hope that he’s feeling as bad as I am.

Zan: Baby, you need to let me explain. I’m so sorry. I love you.

Zan: I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to get to know you. You’ve been with me since that night I put you to bed.

Zan: I only saw your goodbye on that site yesterday. I was going to talk to you about everything at dinner. I love you.

Zan: I’m going to give you space. But I’m not letting you go. I’m gonna fight for you until there is no fight left in me. I love you.

Then my worst fears are realized when I read the text he’d sent me first thing this morning.

Zan: I’ve hardly slept. I know you’re at Mac’s because she texted me last night and told me you went there. I miss you like crazy, and couldn’t sleep without you here, but I’m moving back into Zach’s. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up. You just need to let me explain and apologize. I love you more than anything.

He ended every single message telling me he loved me. Is that what a man using his circumstances to his advantage says? If it was only casual sex to him, and a bit of a game, would he ring me twenty five times and send me numerous text messages telling me he needs to explain and that he was going to tell me everything last night anyway?

That message set me off again. He actually listened to me and gave me what I thought I wanted at the time. I was full of anger and hurt beyond belief when I asked him to leave.

What the hell have I done?

I look at the time. He’ll be at work by now. He’s starting a five day stint. I was looking forward to a week of waking up with him and going to bed together at night. Now all that awaits me is an empty apartment.

Did I overreact? Should I have let him explain? Have I f**ked this up by not letting him have his say? I stumble out into the living area to find Daniel sitting at the dining table with a coffee in his hands, reading the newspaper.

“Morning. Where’s Mac?”

He looks up and gives me a small smile. “She’s having a soak in the tub. She didn’t sleep well. It may have something to do with the few harsh words I had for her last night. I think she’s feeling a bit worse for wear. She feels really bad for hurting you, Kate.”

I sigh and sit down across from him. “I know. I just didn’t expect that from her, you know?”

“I do. Her intentions were good. The execution, not so much.” He shrugs and I can tell he’s feeling sorry for me.

“I hope I haven’t caused problems between you two. I love you both so much. I couldn’t bear it.”

“Kate, nothing will make me love that woman of mine any less. She f**ked up, and I made sure she was aware of it, but she’ll be back soon. What I want to know is what you are going to do now that you know the whole story.” He leans back and looks at me. This is Daniel acting as a big brother, and to be honest, it’s exactly what I need.

“I love him. I can’t help it. I don’t know if Mac told you about Liam, but he was my ex-boyfriend who kept me as his dirty little secret for six months before I walked in on his impromptu engagement party with his fiancé. Lying has always been my deal breaker. I can probably work through anything else except that.”