True (True Believers #1)(55)
Author: Erin McCarthy

Tyler smiled and brushed his hand across my cheek. “No freaking out. It’s all going to be cool. What’s the worst that can happen?”

We both knew the worst that could happen. He could get a year in prison.

“My lawyer says I won’t get the maximum sentence. Now I need to go before I’m late.”

Tyler kissed me, a long lingering kiss that made my tension loosen and my bare toes curl into the carpet. “Mm,” he said. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

***

I hadn’t heard anything by one, so I turned off my phone when it was time for my exam and took my seat. I floated my way through Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Williams. It amazed me that two parts of my brain could coexist so easily—one methodically plodding through symbolism, the other in a courtroom downtown with Tyler.

As I answered essay questions on A Streetcar Named Desire, I remembered my first conversation with Tyler about Stella’s reaction to Stanley throwing a shoe. Tyler had been right. I hadn’t understood then that love and passion weren’t logical, that you could stand outside and observe and say that someone was behaving ridiculously, but that when you were the one in the room, nothing made sense but the volcano of emotion that erupted when you were with your lover.

I still wasn’t convinced that tossing a shoe didn’t mean you harbored an anger-management problem, but I did understand love now. How it wrapped around you and made you more aware of the prickles on your skin, the roots of your hair, the intensity of every touch and every inch of you. It was like life on hi-def. Everything was sharper.

After I turned in the exam and left the room, the first thing I did was turn on my phone. I walked down the hallway, impatiently waiting for it to make its various tech noises as it fired up, then as I received texts and e-mails.

There was no text from Tyler.

But there was one from Nathan.

Got 30 days and 1500 fine. Starts serving now.

Relief that he had not gotten a year was immediately replaced by panic. Wait a minute. Did Nathan mean he had been taken straight to prison? For thirty days? That meant I wouldn’t be able to see him. He would be behind bars for Christmas, too.

I dialed Nathan’s number and he answered. “Hey.”

“Hey. What does that mean? Tyler’s in jail already?”

“Yeah. They took him into custody to immediately start serving his sentence. His lawyer said he could do weekend jail for the next four months but that he was more likely to not serve the full time if he just went right in. He decided to just get it over with.”

I stopped walking, sinking onto a bench by the water fountain. Students moved up and down the hallway and I tried to think, tried to process what I was hearing. “So they clearly didn’t believe he was innocent?”

“He pleaded guilty. His lawyer took a plea for him that they worked out with the prosecutor last week. He knew he’d be going to jail today unless the judge decided to suspend the sentence, which wasn’t very likely.”

“He took a plea? He didn’t tell me that.”

There was an awkward silence as we both realized Tyler had kept fairly important information from me, which he had shared with Nathan. “He probably didn’t want you to worry. Taking a plea is pretty standard, I guess.”

“He kept telling me it was going to be okay.” My throat tightened. “He told me not to come today.”

“Tyler is a protector, Rory. That’s his personality. He didn’t want you to blow your exams.”

“I didn’t get to say good-bye or anything.” I was crying now.

Nathan swore, probably pissed that he was forced to deal with Tyler’s hysterical girlfriend. “He didn’t die, for f**k’s sake. It’s okay. You probably said good-bye to him this morning, right? It’s like if someone goes out of town for a few weeks. It’s no different. He’ll be back before classes restart in January.”

“Do you promise?” I asked, which was absolutely a ridiculous thing to ask of Nathan. He had no control over any of this.

But he laughed. “Yes, I promise. Thirty days is thirty days. They don’t tack on more to your sentence. The truth is, he was lucky to get off so easy. And he was lucky he didn’t have any more pills on him than he did. If that had been a whole bottle, he’d be gone for a year, no question about it.”

Somehow I wasn’t feeling that any of this was particularly lucky, given they weren’t even his drugs. But there was no point in being bitter.

“Can I go see him?” Though the thought of entering a prison made my palms sweat, I wanted to show Tyler I supported him.

“No. He won’t be in long enough. Besides, he would rip my balls off and stuff them down my throat if I let you go.”

That made me laugh a little through my tears. Nathan was probably right. “Maybe Tyler should trust I’m not going to flip out.”

“You’re crying, aren’t you?” Nathan teased. Then he said, seriously, “Look, Rory, don’t take it personally. Some things a guy just has to deal with himself, and this is one of those times. Tyler is ashamed, you know, and you seeing him behind bars would only make it worse. He needs to keep his pride, that’s all.”

I knew Nathan was right. I stared down at the cracked tile of the floor. “You’re right. Thanks, Nathan. Hey, can I have Riley’s number? I was planning to talk to Tyler about getting Jayden a present for his birthday on Sunday. I still want to get Jayden something, even if Tyler isn’t here.”

“Sure. And don’t worry. It’s all a lot better than it could have been.”

“Thanks.”

I ended the call and stared at the screen, not sure what the next logical step was. After sitting there for ten minutes, trying to calm down, trying to fit the pieces of the legal puzzle into place, I concluded that the only thing I could do was go back to my room and study for my final exam, a nine a.m. bio test the next day.

Because I couldn’t make Tyler’s mother go to rehab, and I couldn’t turn back the clock and have her take her pills into the store with her, or have the cop drive down a different street. I couldn’t wipe Tyler’s record clean and have him stay in the EMT program. Nor could I drive down to the county jail and see him.

It felt like once again I was the girl behind the glass wall, walking alongside and watching everyone around me, but unable to interact with them. The other students all moved down the hallway, some talking and laughing in groups, others studying their phones, some hurrying, some lingering. For me, it felt like I had stopped moving and the world was spinning around me, a noisy whirlpool of confusion, and I couldn’t make any sense of it.