Tryst (Take It Off #8)(31)
Author: Cambria Hebert

But even though Blake wasn’t good for me, I loved him. That in itself was the scariest thing of all. Because if Blake—a man I loved—had that much power to hurt me, then Gavin… Well, Gavin had the power to completely obliterate me.

What I felt for Blake was merely a tenth of what I felt for him.

I wasn’t even in love with Gavin. Not yet. But I wasn’t going to be able to stop my heart’s fall. I should march over there and tell him the deal is off. I should tell him I am done being his no-strings-attached tryst.

I couldn’t.

I craved him like an addict craved heroine. My body longed for him like it should water. There was something intoxicating about being in his presence. It’s like every little thing, right down to the way I drew in a breath, was intensified when Gavin was near.

When this little affair was over… I was very scared of what would happen.

I heard the door to his deck slide open, and he stepped out. He was eating a pack of snack cakes and standing at the railing in his boxers, looking out over the ocean. His hair was sticking up from sleep. He didn’t glance this way. I was sure he didn’t know I was looking.

He was a beautiful man.

Beautifully broken.

Something shattered him. I didn’t know what it was or when it happened, but I knew he was broken. He thought all of him was out of order, but I knew different. I saw the signs of life behind his eyes. I saw the glimpses of existence when he thought I didn’t. Gavin might be broken, but some of him could be put back together.

He turned from the railing and looked in my direction. He stilled when he saw me watching. He shoved the rest of his snack cake in his mouth and gestured to me while he was chewing.

I left the blanket in my chair and wandered across the sand, wearing a little pair of sleep shorts and a tank top with no bra. He was standing at the top of the stairs waiting, and when I stepped onto the deck, he took my coffee from my hands and took a healthy drink out of the mug.

Something in my belly squirmed at the knowledge he was sharing my cup. Yeah, silly, I know. We’d had sex many times. We’d exchanged more than we ever could just by sharing a cup. But some things were just intimate that way.

“I’m out of coffee,” he said, handing the cup back to me.

“Keep it,” I replied. I was too busy daydreaming to drink it anyway.

He must have been in a daydreaming frame of mind as well because he took my hand and tugged me along with him toward a lounge chair. He sat and pulled me into his lap.

Gavin’s arms folded around me, his hands clutching the mug in front of us. His scratchy chin rested on my bare shoulder. “Cold this morning,” he said, his voice secret-soft.

My eyes fluttered closed and something in me splintered. If there was any hope of keeping my feelings safe from him, I couldn’t sit here in his lap, being cuddled like he wanted to protect me from the wind.

But, oh my God, I couldn’t move.

Being in his arms like this was absolute heaven. The area just below my ribs burned with emotion, buzzed with the wings of a thousand butterflies. It was like I waited my entire life to be wrapped up in someone like this and the moment had finally arrived.

Please, God, don’t let this moment be fleeting.

I took a chance and relaxed into him, letting him support the majority of my weight. He tucked me closer against him, so close I could feel his warm breath fan out against my neck.

I shut my eyes, trying to memorize this feeling, planning to bank it away. This feeling was almost more intense than sex. It was wrapping its way around my heart and squeezing. I had to remember. I had to remember this feeling so when it was gone I would never forget.

One of his arms pulled back so he could drink more of the coffee. When he was finished, I felt him study me. “You okay?”

I turned to glance over my shoulder at him. He was so incredibly close. My heart puffed up just looking at him. I smiled and nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“Come here,” he murmured, setting aside the mug and pulling me in. I rested my cheek against his bare shoulder and folded my knees up against my chest. He was so much bigger that when he wrapped his arms around me, I was totally surrounded.

His faint coconut scent swirled around me, and I took a deep breath, letting my eyes flutter closed.

“What am I gonna do with you, Talie?” he mused, almost as if he were talking to himself.

Love me.

The thought caught me off guard. My insides stilled even as the rest of the world kept moving. Did I want Gavin to love me?

Did I love him?

My heart started to hammer, pounding tenaciously in my chest. Love was out of the question. It wasn’t possible. I couldn’t end one relationship and then just give my heart to another.

“Talie?” Gavin asked, dipping his chin down to where my head rested. “What’s wrong?”

He was picking up on my feelings. He could feel the change in the air. We were so connected by some kind of invisible chemistry that I couldn’t even freak out without him knowing.

I sat up. Gavin wrapped a large palm around my upper arm, like he was my anchor in a choppy sea. I looked at him wide-eyed, trying to understand what the hell was happening inside me.

“Your eyes are the color of sea glass,” he murmured. “A hazy green.”

“Gavin…” I started. Words bubbled up inside me like a witch’s brew, threatening to spill out between us. He tucked a strand of wayward blond hair behind my ear and waited for me to continue.

Somewhere off to the side, a phone rang.

He sighed. “I shouldn’t have brought that thing out here.”

“You have a phone?” I said, surprise in my tone.

He chuckled. “I’m not a complete hermit.”

He stood, taking me with him and setting me in the chair alone. I watched the strong muscles in his back as he snagged the phone from the chair behind us. “Yeah?” he said in way of greeting.

“Hey, Stitch,” he said, and a little of his carefree mood disappeared.

I peeked around the chair at him, watching as he paced the deck.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

Pause.

“I told you I’m not ready,” he burst quietly, turning away from me. Tension radiated from his body.

Another pause.

“When?” He blew out a breath and muttered a curse word. “Today!”

I don’t know if the person on the other end of the line had time to reply or not because then he growled. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”