Undead and Unreturnable

"Have you, uh, seen Sinclair around tonight?"

Jon snorted. "Not hardly. We sort of stay out of each other's way. I get the feeling he's not too crazy about me staying here."

"Well, it's not his house, now is it?" I asked sharply. Oh, great. Yell at the kid because your fiance's not talking to you. "Sorry. I'm grumpy tonight."

"Because you haven't fed?" he asked eagerly, Sidekick poised. I saw he had flipped it around so he could tap on the tiny keyboard.

"No. But I'll worry about that some other night. Listen, Jon, if I do this for you, you've got to do something for me."

"I understand Betsy." He looked around; yes, we were alone in the cavernous parlor. We'd moved there after the housekeeper got back from Rainbow and shooed us out. "I don't-uh-approve of that sort of-um-thing, but you're so-I mean, I'll make an exception for you." He bravely pulled off his T-shirt and inched closer to me. "Besides, it'll be good for the book."

"Ick! No!" I shoved him away, and he went flying over the end of the couch and crashed into the carpet. Dust flew. He coughed. I freaked. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!" I hurried around the couch and helped him up. "I didn't mean to shove you so hard."

"S'okay," he gasped, in the middle of a major coughing spasm. "M'sorry, too."

"It's my fault. I guess I was vague. No, I'm afraid the favor I've got in mind is a lot worse than sucking your blood."

"Whatever it is," he choked, "I'll do it. But first... you gotta get someone in here with a vacuum, I mean, right now."

"Who do you think you're talking to? Jon, I couldn't find the vacuum if you stuck a gun in my ear. Which if memory serves, you have."

He reddened and settled himself on a chair across from me. "That stuff's all over with, now."

"And we of the vampire community are grateful, believe me."

"We're talking about you," he said. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"Well, I was born in a small town in Minnesota, CannonFalls, and I went to school at Cannon Falls Elementary, where Mrs. Schultz was my favorite teacher. We moved to Burnsville when I was-"

"No," he interrupted, "I mean, the beginning, when you became a vampire."

"Oh. Kind of a short bio. I mean, not much has happened to me yet. As a vampire, I mean."

He rolled his eyes. "Betsy, I really like you and you're cute and all, but you are so full of crap."

"I am not! I haven't even been a vampire for a year, is what I meant, and I was a human for th-for twenty-five years at least. Hell, the Miss Burnsville pageant was way more stressful than vampire politics."

"Yeah, I'll get some of that stuff later for fill-in," he promised, but he was lying. "Let's get to the good stuff."

I sighed. "All right, all right. The good stuff. Well, I guess the good stuff starts on the last day. And it sucked, let me tell you. In fact, the day I died started out bad and got worse in a hurry..."