Unwritten

“So,” Tegan begins, when finally we come up for air. She sits back and fixes me with a look. “What’s happening with Blake?”

“You don’t have to ask,” I bite my lip. “You know, if it’s weird.”

“Please,” Tegan rolls her eyes. “Your my best friend, I want to know all about it. OK, maybe not all…”

I laugh. “It’s good. Great.”

She waits. “And?”

“And, nothing. It’s been so busy with the movie, and since we’re keeping it under wraps…” I shrug and eat another fry.

“I don’t get it, the sneaking around thing.” Tegan looks bemused. “I mean, you’re both free and single, consenting adults. You should be making me sick with all your lovey-dovey couple stuff. I was braced for you to be totally insufferable,” she adds. “Talking non-stop about how amazing he is, and how in love you are. But…you’ve been so calm. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” I protest. “We’re just taking it slow, that’s all.”

I pause. All week, something’s been nagging in the back of my mind. I’ve pushed it aside, swept up in the thrill of our secret rendezvous and private make-out sessions, but with Tegan right here, I can’t ignore it any longer. “I just thought things would be different by now,” I say slowly, feeling disloyal for even mentioning it. I have everything I wanted, I shouldn’t be complaining.

So why do I feel like something isn’t right?

“I’d call you and my big brother sucking face pretty different,” Tegan grins.

I throw a fry at her. “It’s not that. I just…feel like he’s holding back with this whole secrecy thing. Keeping me at arm’s length.”

“Even when he’s trying to get in your pants?” Tegan cracks.

“Hey!” I protest, then shake my head with a sigh. “You know what? It’s nothing. I’m overthinking this. What’s new with you?”

“No! I’m sorry,” Tegan says quickly. “I’m listening, I promise. ”

“It’s fine.” I insist again. I look down at the empty plate between us. “I’m still hungry, I think I’m going to order some pie. You want some?”

“Duh.” Tegan reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “Hey, it’ll be OK,” she says, sincere. “He’s probably just distracted with all the movie stuff. Once you wrap filming and get to spend some quality time together, everything will work out.”

“Right,” I nod, trying to see sense. “He’s trying to do his job right now, I shouldn’t get weird if he’s focused on that all day. And we’re hanging out tonight, that’s good, right? I’ll see if I can get him to unwind.”

“Too much information!” Tegan cries.

I laugh. “Hey! Who do you think I am? ‘A Ridgecrest girl is always a lady,’” I mimic our old headmistress.

Tegan giggles. “‘Proper decorum sets us apart from the beasts,’” she adds, finishing the old woman’s favorite phrase. She shoves the final few fries into her mouth and grins.

“Real decorous.” I slide out of the booth and head over to the front counter to order some of Mrs. Olsen’s famous apple pecan pie. But even though I tried to laugh off my concerns, the unease still lingers in the back of my mind.

Being with Blake isn’t like how I imagined. I know we’ve only just started dating, but it seems like all we’re doing right now is the secret make-out sessions and sneaking around. If you take all that away, nothing’s changed.

I thought Blake would open up, or that I’d feel closer to him somehow after that night in the city. We had such a connection, I felt I was finally stripping down all that charm and bullshit, down to the real Blake underneath. What we shared was deeper than anything I’ve felt before, but now it’s like we’re right back at square one.

I don’t know what this means to him at all.

My head spins when he walks into the room. He affects me so much: I want to know where he is, how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking about. But he’s still closed off—that same charming guy he’s always been, like nothing’s piercing the surface with him. And keeping our relationship a secret…?

I understand he’s used to all the tabloid attention back in Hollywood, but we’re out in the middle of nowhere here, and I want to be able to hold his hand in public and go on a real date; show him off and kiss him because I want to, even when people are looking.

What if he’s ashamed of you?

The voice whispers in the back of my mind, but I try to shut it down. I pay for the pie and take the plate, but as I’m walking back to the booth, I catch sight of a magazine someone’s left on their table. It’s one of the tabloids, and I can’t help recognizing Blake’s face on the bottom of the cover.

I grab it and slide back in opposite Tegan.

“Look, he’s making the front page!” I exclaim, flipping excitedly to the story inside.

Blake and Lila heat up! Couple gets cozy filming new movie. Wedding bells ahead?

I stare at the magazine in disbelief. There’s a two-page spread of photos: shots from the set, long-range grainy paparazzi shots of Blake and Lila filming a passionate kiss. And the two of them in the club, last week: nestled together, her hand on his arm, Blake laughing as she whispers in her ear.