Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)(29)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

She’d kept him alive. End of story. “I don’t understand,” she said.

“Like I give a shit if you do. Let’s get one thing straight: you promised to never leave me.”

Where the hell was he going with this? He couldn’t possibly hold her to that deathbed promise.

“And?” she asked.

“And as long as I live, you belong to me—a lowly, disgusting, pathetic vampire.”

Was that what this was all about? He wanted to punish her by making her his little Igor punching bag. At that comment… jeez. Sounded like someone had a bruised ego.

“This has nothing to do with me calling you ‘disgusting’ the morning Kinich attacked you, does it?” She hadn’t meant it; she’d simply wanted him to stay away from her.

“I’m angry because you had me turned. You have no idea what you’ve done.”

Ixtab’s rage finally bubbled over. “Oh, but I do! I saved you. And if you want to be angry with someone, why aren’t you angry with Kinich? He’s the one who attacked you.” Actually, that wasn’t right, either. Kinich only attacked him because he’d been whammied by Zac.

“Hate him?” Antonio seethed. “For being a vampire, a slave to his bloodlust? He had no choice. But you…”

Oh, good. At least he wasn’t holding a grudge against Kinich. That was something. As for her turning him into a vampire, there was no other choice. Why couldn’t he get that through his thick, backward man skull? And where did he get off treating her like an old, chewed-up shoe? Him. An icky, yicky vampire. Well, he had another fang coming!

“What I do not understand is why you would do so when you think so little of us?” he said with a hint of regret.

“Huh?” Ixtab’s rage sputtered out. Was that hurt in his beautiful green eyes? It was hard to tell with him up there and her down there. She’d need to start wearing heels.

“Your sister Fate told me how you loathe my kind,” he said calmly. “You think we are an abomination to this world.”

True. But damned that Fate! Why would she tell him? Stupid cow.

“I can’t help how I feel. Vampires are bottom-feeders.” With exception to Kinich, Julie, Viktor, and Helena, of course.

Before she blinked, his large hands clamped her shoulders and a spark of dark energy released from her body.

“No! You can’t do…” A split second passed but nothing happened. Once again, he didn’t show the faintest sign of yearning for death, and once again, she found herself frozen, mesmerized by him.

“How? How can you stand to touch me?” she croaked.

His olive-green eyes drilled into her. “Who the f**k knows? Who the f**k cares?”

I do. Oh my gods, I do!

His eyes went wide, and he looked at his hands and then released her like yesterday’s garbage.

“I-I…” Ixtab turned to leave before she had a complete meltdown right in front of him. Or hugged him. Or cried from confusion. Or kicked his man truffles—Are they milk chocolaty brown like the rest of him? Or something very, very bizarre in between. The Universe had to be playing a cruel, cruel joke on her. Her entire existence she’d longed to simply touch another being. Not kill. Not save. Simply… touch. For no other reason than because she wanted to feel connected to the world. Her entire existence, she’d watched mortals go throughout their day, unaware of how lucky they were—an embrace, a pat on the back, shaking hands… a kiss. Such simple gestures. Imagine a life without these things. Imagine how lonely and disconnected from the world one might feel.

So after eons of near isolation, the Universe finally decided to listen and granted her wish? Like this? In the form of an icky vampire who hates her guts? And who reminded her of the single most painful moment of her life?

Well, thank you, Universe! Getting your own standup comedy show next? A special on HBO perhaps? ’Cause… har-fucking-har, lady! Ixtab’s anger took the steering wheel. Unfortunately, she couldn’t take it out on the Universe, so that left her with…

“Find another pooch. I am the Goddess of Suicide. I answer only to Death, and guess what? He doesn’t want you. You’re not good enough.”

Antonio’s beautiful green eyes flickered to black. “Muy bien. You want to play hardball? Then kiss your world good-bye, Ixtab. I know I’m the only one who can crack the tablet’s code. Without me, humanity perishes. How do you like those manzanas?”

He knows I’m compelled to put humans first?

Dang it! Checkmate.

“Fate told you, didn’t she?” Going. To. Kill. Her.

His wicked smile produced a little dimple on each side of his mouth.

“Oh, you can guess again, mister, if you think flashing those adorable little dimples will bend me to your will. I don’t care if you are the hottest card-carrying member of the penis club—I’ve gone seventy millennia without a man. I’m immune to your drop-dead gorgeousness!”

He looked at her with a blank stare. “Seventy thousand years without getting laid?”

Oh, pita chips! Ixtab cupped her veiled mouth. “Well… uh, I meant…” Shit, shit, shit. “… Without a boyfriend. Of course I’ve had a man.” To dinner. Once. Change subjects! Anything to escape this conversation. “Fine. I’ll help you! What would you like me to do, Dr. Dracula?”

His smile faded away. “Don’t call me that.”

Hit a nerve did I? “Sorry. I meant”—she made her hands into claws—“maaasssster,” she slurred, doing her best impression of Igor.

A twitch of a smile flickered across his lips, but his frown quickly rebounded. “You are completely childish, you know that?”

And just like that, the anger between them dissipated like a wisp of steam. Hands down, this was the oddest situation ever. Odder than the time Cimil started a pumpkin rodeo—she’d claimed that the squash weren’t getting their fair share of fun—and odder than the fact that random good-looking men always seemed to bump into her (and then meet their demise).

But this one… this one is still alive. And she couldn’t deny she wanted him to touch her again. And again. However, that didn’t mean she wasn’t pissed and wouldn’t have to teach him a lesson or two on how to behave with a goddess.

Sounds exciting.

“Childish, huh? Since I’m a deity, you think I’m supposed to act like a crusty, old know-it-all? Where’s the fun in that? Don’t let my immaturity fool you; I’m ancient. I’m deadly. And if you cross me again, I’ll…” Oh, drat. What would I do? “I’ll do something baaad.”