Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)(60)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Sweet. Any Maaskab get away from the Dr.? she texted.

Roberto: Just one. I ate him.

Ewww… was he chewy?

Roberto: Yes

Yeah. She’d eaten a Maaskab once when she’d run out of Milk Duds. There was such a thing as too chewy and the Maaskab were it.

Cimil: And the flock of Scabs hanging out in the guest villa?

Roberto: Ate them, too. Was hungry.

Cimil cringed. “Jeez. No kidding.”

That’s a good vampire. See you in Sedona for the handoff.

Then he could start rounding up all the vampires in Euro Disney for the final phase of Operation Over. Because little did anyone know there was really only one ruler of the vampire army, and that was their maker: Roberto.

Roberto: I love you my little cuddly ball of death and destruction.

Cimil: XOXO, Baby

* * *

“What do you mean you ‘lost’ Ixtab?” Penelope asked on the other end of the phone.

“Lost. As in f**king gone!” Antonio screamed, pacing across his bedroom.

“Was that before or after the Maaskab attacked and you ate them for dinner? By the way, that is quite possibly the most disgusting meal I’ve ever heard of. Way worse than those cactus larva tacos Belch keeps raving about,” she said.

Yes. Yes, it was. And he’d do it again in a heartbeat. “I didn’t eat the Maaskab, I drained their souls for sustenance,” he explained.

“Wait. So you didn’t drink their blood?” she asked.

“No. I am a vegetarian; I don’t drink blood.” But I apparently drain dark energy from living creatures and turn it into food.

What the hell have I become?

“I’m not following,” she said. “Can you start over again? Go to the part where you say you killed Ixtab again.”

“I didn’t kill her…” Which was good because Ixtab would never forgive him if he ever did that again. “… We opened the portal, and she was sucked in with my father,” he explained.

“The demon? She got sucked in with the demon?”

“Yes. She sacrificed herself,” he replied.

“Oh, that is so sweet. She must love you.”

Ixtab? Love him? He’d be lucky if she spit in his general direction after all of the crap he’d pulled on her.

Antonio snarled at himself.

“Well, she must,” Penelope argued. “Don’t panic. The most important thing is you didn’t let the Maaskab get the tablet. We can still reopen the portal and get her back.”

“We can’t,” he said. “The portal sucked in all of my equipment.”

“Then build more equipment,” Penelope said.

“It will take months!” he screamed. Calm down, coño. Calm down.

“No. It won’t. Besides, we don’t have months,” said Margaret, who stood behind him listening to the conversation and picking through a pile of clean clothes the maid Kirstie had brought to his room. No doubt they smelled like borscht.

“Who is that talking?” Penelope asked.

“That’s why I’m calling,” he said. “She came out of the portal—she says she knows how to reopen it on her own, but she’s demanding to see the gods first.”

“Who is she?” Penelope asked.

“She says her name in Margaret O’Hare,” he replied. “She says she’s your brother’s mate, Backlum Chaam’s mate.”

“Hold on,” Penelope said and then screamed for Kinich.

“What’s wrong?” Antonio could hear Kinich panting in the background. “Is it the baby?”

“You’re so sweet. Gods, I love you.” Penelope repeated the conversation to Kinich.

“A mate? Chaam? I wasn’t aware of him finding one,” Kinich grumbled in the background.

“She’s demanding to speak with us,” Penelope explained. “All of us. Do you think it’s a trick? I mean, she came out of that portal; she could be another demon. What if this is a Maaskab trick?” she asked.

“Let me speak to her,” Kinich barked over the phone into Antonio’s ear.

“They want to speak with you.” Antonio held out the phone, but Margaret simply stared, unsure of what to do.

Antonio activated the speaker. “Go ahead. They’re listening.”

Margaret walked over and screamed hello into the phone.

“Chaam never mentioned a mate,” Kinich said. “Can you prove what you say?”

“Proof? No, I don’t have proof,” she screamed.

“You don’t need to yell,” Antonio whispered.

“Oh. Sorry.” Margaret blushed. “I don’t have proof, but I can tell you this: your sister Cimil is behind it all. Chaam turning evil, killing those women, the creation of the Maaskab and the Obscuros. She’s the reason your brother Zac compelled you and had you try to kill Penelope.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kinich asked.

Apparently the question was directed at Penelope, who simply stuttered. “It’s t-t-true.” “Your brother Zac is the God of Temptation. He used his powers on you so that you’d be tempted by my blood,” she said regretfully. She blew out a breath. “He also used his power on me so I’d leave you and marry him.”

Antonio was grateful not to be in the same room with them because Kinich’s fury could be felt halfway around the world, and at this moment, Antonio had about all the rage he could manage given the situation with Ixtab.

“I see,” Kinich said. “Antonio, the Uchben will be there within the hour to take you to our plane. Bring the woman to Arizona immediately. I want to hear what else she has to say and so will my brethren.”

Antonio hung up the phone and looked at Margaret who returned to picking out clothes. “All right. The gods have agreed to meet with you, now tell me what you know.”

“I need to bathe. Do you have a powder room?” she asked politely.

“You’re not going to tell me anything?”

“Powder room?”

That was a no. This woman may not make it alive to Arizona.

Chapter Veintinueve

Antonio fought desperately not to throttle the mystery woman calmly sitting across from him on the private plane. From the moment they’d hung up the phone with Penelope and Kinich, she’d stopped talking.

Sure. Six goddamned weeks, the woman doesn’t shut the hell up. “Save me. Save me!” And now he couldn’t get her to speak one syllable worth a damn. He wanted to know how she’d been able to communicate with him. Why had he seen Ixtab’s face but heard this woman’s voice? Why did she want to speak to the gods? What was on the other side of the portal? Was Ixtab safe? Every time he asked a question, she’d simply replied that there’d be no answers until she had what she wanted.