Walking Disaster

Pressuring Abby was never a good idea, but unless I laid all my cards on the table, I stood a very good chance of losing the only pigeon I’d ever met. What I would say and how I would say it played over and over in my mind. It would have to be direct, something Abby couldn’t ignore, or pretend she didn’t hear or understand.

The needle had been flirting with the empty end of the gas gauge for several miles, so I pulled into the first open gas station we came across.

“You want anything?” I asked.

Abby shook her head, climbing off the bike. She raked her fingers through the tangles of her long, shiny hair, and smiled sheepishly.

“Quit it. You’re f**king beautiful.”

“Just point me to the nearest 1980s rock video.”

I laughed, and then yawned, placing the nozzle into the Harley’s gas tank opening.

Abby pulled out her cell phone to check the time. “Oh my God, Trav. It’s three in the morning.”

“You wanna go back?” I asked, my stomach sinking.

“We better.”

“We’re still going bowling tonight?”

“I told you I would.”

“And you’re still going to Sig Tau with me in a couple weeks, right?”

“Are you insinuating that I don’t follow through? I find that a little insulting.”

I pulled the nozzle from the gas tank and hooked it on its base. “I just never know what you’re going to do anymore.”

I sat on the bike and then helped Abby to climb on behind me. She wrapped her arms around me, this time on her own, and I sighed, lost in thought before starting the engine. I gripped the handlebars, took a breath, and just when I got the balls to tell her, decided a gas station was not the appropriate backdrop to bare my soul.

“You’re important to me, you know,” Abby said, tensing her arms.

“I don’t understand you, Pigeon. I thought I knew women, but you’re so f**king confusing I don’t know which way is up.”

“I don’t understand you, either. You’re supposed to be this school’s ladies’ man. I’m not getting the full freshmen experience they promised in the brochure.”

I couldn’t help but feel offended. Even if it was true. “Well, that’s a first. I’ve never had a girl sleep with me to get me to leave her alone.”

“That’s not what it was, Travis.”

I started the engine and pulled out into the street without saying another word. The drive to Morgan was excruciating. In my head, I talked myself in and out of confronting Abby so many times. Even though my fingers were numb from the cold, I drove slowly, dreading the moment when Abby knew everything, and then rejecting me for the final time.

When we pulled in front of the entrance to Morgan Hall, my nerves felt like they had been cut, lit on fire, and left in a raw, mangled mess. Abby stepped off the bike, and her sad expression made subdued panic blaze inside me. She might tell me to go to hell before I had a chance to say anything.

I walked Abby to the door, and she pulled out her keys, keeping her head down. Unable to wait another second, I took her chin gently in my hand, and lifted it, waiting patiently as her eyes rose to meet mine.

“Did he kiss you?” I asked, touching my thumb to her soft lips.

She pulled away. “You really know how to screw up a perfect night, don’t you?”

“You thought it was perfect, huh? Does that mean you had a good time?”

“I always do when I’m with you.”

My eyes fell, and I felt my features compress into a frown. “Did he kiss you?”

“Yes.” She sighed, irritated.

My eyes closed tight, knowing my next question could result in disaster. “Is that all?”

“That is none of your business!” she said, yanking open the door.

I pushed it closed and stood in her way. “I need to know.”

“No you don’t! Move, Travis!” she jabbed her elbow into my side, trying to get by.

“Pigeon . . .”

“You think because I’m no longer a virgin, I’ll screw anyone that’ll have me? Thanks!” she said, shoving my shoulder.

“I didn’t say that, damn it! Is it too much to ask for a little peace of mind?”

“Why would it give you peace of mind to know if I’m sleeping with Parker?”

“How can you not know? It’s obvious to everyone else but you!”

“I guess I’m just an idiot, then. You’re on a roll tonight, Trav,” she said, reaching for the door handle.

I cupped her shoulders. She was doing it again, the oblivious routine I’d become so accustomed to. The time to show my cards was now. “The way I feel about you . . . it’s crazy.”

“You got the crazy part right,” she snapped, pulling away from me.

“I practiced this in my head the whole time we were on the bike, so just hear me out.”

“Travis—”

“I know we’re f**ked up, all right? I’m impulsive and hot tempered, and you get under my skin like no one else. You act like you hate me one minute, and then you need me the next. I never get anything right, and I don’t deserve you . . . but I f**king love you, Abby. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything, ever. When you’re around, I don’t need booze or money or the fighting or the one-night stands . . . all I need is you. You’re all I think about. You’re all I dream about. You’re all I want.”

She didn’t speak for several seconds. Her eyebrows raised, and her eyes looked dazed as she processed everything I’d said. She blinked a few times.

I cupped each side of her face and looked into her eyes. “Did you sleep with him?”

Abby’s eyes glossed over, and then she shook her head no. Without another thought, my lips slammed into hers, and I slipped my tongue inside her mouth. She didn’t push me away; instead her tongue challenged mine, and she gripped my T-shirt in her fists, pulling me close. An involuntary hum emanated from my throat, and I wrapped my arms around her.

When I knew I had my answer, I pulled back, breathless. “Call Parker. Tell him you don’t wanna see him anymore. Tell him you’re with me.”

She closed her eyes. “I can’t be with you, Travis.”

“Why the hell not?” I asked, letting go.

Abby shook her head. She had proven herself unpredictable a million times before, but the way she kissed me had meant more than friendship, and had too much behind it to just be sympathy. That left me with only one conclusion.

“Unbelievable. The one girl I want, and she doesn’t want me.”

She hesitated before she spoke. “When America and I moved out here, it was with the understanding that my life was going to turn out a certain way. Or, that it wouldn’t turn out a certain way. The fighting, the gambling, the drinking . . . it’s what I left behind. When I’m around you it’s all right there for me in an irresistible, tattooed package. I didn’t move hundreds of miles away to live it all over again.”

“I know you deserve better than me. You think I don’t know that? But if there was any woman made for me . . . it’s you. I’ll do whatever I have to do, Pidge. Do you hear me? I’ll do anything.”

She turned away from me, but I wouldn’t give up. She was finally talking, and if she walked away this time, we might not get another chance.

I held the door shut with my hand. “I’ll stop fighting the second I graduate. I won’t drink a single drop again. I’ll give you the happy ever after, Pigeon. If you just believe in me, I can do it.”