Wedding Night(95)
Author: Sophie Kinsella

“Dirk and Sally do!” I say, trying not to giggle as I meet Ben’s eye.

“Who’re Dirk and Sally?” she demands at once, looking from face to face as though we’re tricking her in some new way.

“Our pet names for each other,” says Ben blandly. “And may I ask what exactly you’re suggesting? That we learned an entire set of fake answers especially for this competition? Do we look like tragic losers?”

“Come on!” Her eyes spark indignantly. “Are you telling me your first date was really at a mortuary?”

“Are you telling me yours was really at the Ivy?” he counters at once. “No one goes to the Ivy for a first date unless they already know they’ll be so bored they’ll need to do some people-watching. Sorry,” he adds politely to Matt. “I’m sure you had a great time.”

I can’t stop laughing. Melissa’s getting crosser and crosser, and I don’t blame her. More and more people have joined the audience, and they’re loving it too.

“Question nine!” Nico tries to get control of the situation. “Where is the most unusual place you have had … amorous relations? Couple Two, would you like to answer first?”

“Well!” Carol is growing pinker and pinker. “I wasn’t sure about this question. Very personal.”

“Indeed,” says Nico sympathetically.

“I believe the correct word is …” She pauses, wriggling awkwardly. “Fellatio.”

There’s an explosion of laughter from the audience, and I clamp my lips together so that I don’t join in. Carol gave Tim a blow job? No way. I cannot imagine that in a million years.

“Your husband put A cottage in Anglesey,” says Nico, grinning widely. “Zero points, I am afraid, dear lady. Although full marks for trying.”

Carol looks as though she wants to spontaneously combust.

“By ‘place,’ ” she begins, “I thought you meant … I thought …”

“Indeed.” He nods sympathetically. “Couple One?”

“Hyde Park,” says Melissa promptly, as though she’s a child in class.

“Correct! Ten points! Couple Three?”

I had to think about this one. There are a few options. I just hope Ben remembered the episode.

“The boardwalk at Coney Island.” As I look at Ben’s face, I know I got it wrong.

“Alas! Your husband wrote, On the district attorney’s desk.”

“The district attorney’s desk?” Melissa looks livid. “Are you kidding me?”

“Zero points!” Nico chimes in hurriedly. “And now we reach the climax of our quiz. All rests on the final question. The most personal, intimate question of all.” He pauses dramatically. “When did you first realize you were in love with your wife?”

An expectant hush comes over the audience, and there’s a low drumroll from the band.

“Couple Three?” says Nico.

“It was when we were tied together to a railroad track with a train approaching,” says Ben reminiscently. “She reached over, kissed me, and said, ‘If it ends here, I’ll be happy.’ And then she freed us both with her nail file.”

“Correct!”

“A railroad track?” Melissa looks from face to face. “Can I appeal that?”

I beam at Ben and raise my fist in a victory salute. But he doesn’t respond; his eyes are out of focus as though he’s still remembering.

“Couple Two?”

“Wait!” says Ben suddenly. “I haven’t finished my answer. That time on the railroad track—that’s when I realized I was in love with my wife. But the moment I realized I loved her …” He glances over at me with an unreadable look. “That was quite another time.”

“What’s the difference?” says Melissa petulantly. “Are you trying to wind us all up again?”

“You fall in and out of love,” says Ben. “But when you really love someone … it’s forever.”

Is that a line from the show? I don’t recognize it. I’m feeling a bit confused here. What’s he talking about?

“The day I realized I loved my wife was right here on the island of Ikonos, fifteen years ago.” He leans toward the microphone and his voice rises, now resonant. “I’d had the flu. She nursed me all night. She was my guardian angel. I still remember that sweet voice telling me I’d be OK. Now I realize I’ve loved her since that day, though I didn’t always know it.”

He finishes to silence. Everyone seems thunderstruck. Then a girl from the audience whoops appreciatively, and it’s as though the spell is broken, and applause breaks out, louder than ever.