Wicked Cravings (The Phoenix Pack #2)(45)
Author: Suzanne Wright

He nodded. “When Dad didn’t survive the loss and Blane became our guardian because he was the oldest, there was no one to hold him back from targeting me all the time, so the bullying got worse. The others followed his example. I think that’s why control is so important to me. My childhood was like a whirlwind. So many things happened around me and to me, none of which I could do anything about, no way of stopping it, no way of protecting myself, no way of helping my mom as I watched her slowly weaken until she was just a shell.”

“I get it,” she said softly. She also understood that if she was to have any kind of relationship with him, she would have to accept his controlling streak and occasionally accommodate it.

“All my life Blane took things from me—toys, clothes, CDs, money. And then he took her. And he loved that he’d been able to do it. I can understand that he would want her as badly as he did, but had it been me and I found my mate happily involved with someone else, I’d have walked away. I wouldn’t have wanted to cause her any pain by separating her from someone she obviously cared for.”

No, he wouldn’t have, thought Jaime. He was too good a person to do something like that.

Could anyone really blame her for being obsessed with the guy?

Absentmindedly, he began twirling a strand of Jaime’s hair around his finger. “That’s why I swore I’d never get into a relationship again until my true mate. But then you came along.” He smiled, tracing her lips with the tip of his finger. “My wolf was practically obsessed with you, and I was constantly hot and hard for you. I kept you at a distance, but then I hated that distance. You know, even when we were kids I was protective of you. I didn’t like it when I didn’t know where you were.”

“You hated me,” she countered.

“No, I didn’t. You irritated me,” he chuckled, “but I didn’t hate you. Who do you think got that group of bullies off your back? You reminded me of me. I saw you getting teased, and it made me think of what I had to deal with at home.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. And I’m sorry about what happened with that bitch.” His lips curved into a grin. “Is that jealousy I hear?”

“Damn right. I have an ugly jealous streak. I have a lot of ugly streaks. So I can’t understand why we’re having this conversation. You know how broken I am, you—”

“You’re not broken,” he quickly insisted. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. On the contrary, you’re stronger than most people I know.”

“Not strong, just too stubborn to give in to my wolf.”

He shook his head, sighing inwardly. She would never see herself as he saw her. “The reason I told you about Laurie is so that you’d understand what you’re getting into.” His tone was serious now, grave. “If we take this further, I won’t let you go. If your true mate comes along, I won’t step aside. If he tries to take you, I’ll kill him. My wolf won’t see him as someone who has rights to you either. He’ll see him as a threat, and he’ll want nothing more than to rip his throat out. If you say yes now, that’s it. You have to tell me if you can deal with that.” His intense possessiveness shouldn’t have been a turn-on, but it was. Soon enough she’d work out what was wrong with her. “What if your true mate comes along?” He brushed her nose with his. “She’ll most likely hate me, because I won’t leave you. I kept telling myself that the reason I don’t want to find her is that I’m not ready yet, but the truth is I won’t ever be ready. She’ll want too much from me, and she’ll eventually ask me to give up my position as Beta, just like my mom did to my dad.”

“You’re sure she’d do that?”

“I’ve seen it happen to a lot of Beta pairs. The female doesn’t like that her mate’s loyalty, attention, and time has to be divided. This is something else you need to understand. My job is very demanding, Jaime. I have a lot of responsibilities, and it means I won’t be able to give you the same time and attention that another guy could, that your true mate could. I need to know if that’s enough for you.” What he didn’t say was that if she told him that she didn’t want him, there wasn’t a chance that he would leave her alone. He’d hound her until she changed her mind.

“You’ve been honest, so I will, too. As cruel as it might sound, I don’t want to find my true mate, either. I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just that I can’t give him all of me. I can’t let down my walls without letting my wolf get out. Plus, I’d be risking his life if I mated with him. If my wolf does surface and turn rogue, she’ll have to be killed. It won’t be easy for him to survive that.” He nodded in understanding, thinking that maybe a relationship between them might just work.

Jaime understood him and respected how much he cared for his job, and she wouldn’t want to imprint any more than he would.

“But there’s the little detail that you’ll never be able to control me all the time the way you want to. I’ve no doubt that you’ll still try. You can’t help yourself. But you’ll only end up frustrated and pissed.”

He shrugged. “That’s all right. Makeup sex is good.” He took her mouth gently this time, having a long, leisurely taste. “Don’t leave me again.” It was an order, but even he heard the slight plea in those words.

“I won’t,” she promised. Not willingly anyway.

No matter how many times Jaime assured him the following morning that she had no intention of running again, she couldn’t make him relax. Not even the physical toll from the training session calmed his agitated state. He was convinced that if the pack gave her a hard time or talked any more about if he was fit to be Beta, she would be tempted to leave. He was right; she would be tempted.

But she’d promised him that she wouldn’t leave him again, and Jaime didn’t break her promises.

Still, Dante was set on ensuring that the pack didn’t say anything else that might act as a trigger and make her break that promise, which was why he had his arm curled around her as they went for breakfast. His hold made it clear that he considered her his, that he believed he had a claim on her.

Dante smiled when everyone at the table lifted their heads and recognized his possessive posture. “You all got what you wanted. She left. Well, I’ve brought her back, and she’s staying. I don’t need to tell you that what Jaime needs right now is support. If you can’t bring yourself to give it to her, then fine. But if that’s how you feel, stay away from her altogether.” To Jaime’s surprise, no one said a word. She’d kind of expected some sort of uproar, or at least a few objections. Instead, she actually received smiles from some of the people who had only yesterday decided that it was best if she was gone. Apparently, her gesture of leaving and her protectiveness of Dante had gone a long way with them.