You Make Me (Blurred Lines #1)(10)
Author: Erin McCarthy

I knew what he was asking. Were we having sex. Was he staying over. But my headache was back and I was feeling emotionally overloaded. I just wanted to crawl into bed wearing fleece pants and sleep. I couldn’t have sex with him. I just really couldn’t. “Actually, that pill gave me cramps,” I said. “I don’t feel all that great. Do you mind if I just go to bed?”

“Of course not.” He put his hand on my stomach and massaged me through my coat. “I’m sorry. Take some ibuprofen and get some sleep.”

“Thanks.” I took a step back and as I did I saw movement behind Ethan, on the side of the house.

A figure stepped out behind the bushes and I jerked a little as I realized it was Heath. I’d recognize that posture, that walk, anywhere. I knew his expressions, his gestures, his movements, as well as my own.

But before I could say anything, like WTF, he put his finger to his lips in the universal request for silence. Then he shook his head.

So he didn’t want Ethan to know he was there. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but to buy myself time, I pulled Ethan in for a hug, opening my eyes wide at Heath over Ethan’s shoulder to try to indicate I had no idea what he wanted.

He held up a piece of paper, folded into a small square and tossed it under the nearest bush. Then he gave me a smile and retreated backward into the dark.

“Let’s get you inside.” Ethan led me up the walk. At the front door to the house, he gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Nite, baby.”

“Goodnight.” I opened the door and went inside. I waited. And waited. There were a couple of girls in the lounge and they glanced over at me and waved. I waved back.

I patted my coat. “Crap, I think I dropped my phone,” I lied.

“Ugh, that sucks,” Janice said in sympathy.

Opening the door cautiously, I checked to see if Ethan was gone. He was down the block and had no reason to turn back around so I darted over to the bushes and peered into the darkness, wondering if Heath was still there. I couldn’t see anything. I paused, listening, but all I heard was the wind and leaves blowing around. So I bent over and looked under the bush, snatching the paper as soon as I saw it.

Feeling like a criminal, I went back inside and shut the door behind me. I should have waited until I got to my room, but I couldn’t resist. I unfolded the paper with jerky movements.

Written on it was a phone number.

Heath’s number.

He’d been waiting for me.

Chapter Five

“Did you find your phone?” Janice asked, startling me.

I pulled it out, heart pounding, and wiggled the phone. “Yes, thanks. It was on the front walk.” Then I ran upstairs to my room. It was my first year living in the sorority house. My freshman and sophomore years I’d been in the dorm. What I liked at the house was each room was a single so I had some privacy, yet there were always girls around to keep me company or hang out with. Aubrey’s room was down the hall. I wasn’t sure if she was there or not but I didn’t want to talk to her. I closed the door to my room softly and locked it.

The piece of paper was crumpled in my sweaty palm and I released it, studying it as it rested there. I shouldn’t text him. Yet I couldn’t help but wonder what he wanted. Where he had been. What he thought I had done. I put on pajama pants and paced my room for a whole of three minutes before I caved.

I entered Heath’s number on my phone. Then when I saw his name staring up at me as a new contact, I realized I couldn’t use his real name. What if he texted me and Ethan saw it? He would have questions. That I didn’t have answers to. But it felt so wrong to be keeping something from my boyfriend. Yet I didn’t feel like I had any choice. I couldn’t risk losing Ethan.

But then I rationalized I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Heath was my foster brother. I had cared about him. It was perfectly reasonable for me to establish contact with him again. Ethan would understand that. Better to be honest than have it bite me in the ass later. It wasn’t like Heath and I were going to cross a line or anything. I was with Ethan. He was with Darla, apparently. We hadn’t spoken in four years.

Feeling better that what I was doing wasn’t completely shitty, I texted Heath.

It’s Cat.

Hey Cat. Meet me at the Tavern at ten.

Oh, hell no. As much as I wanted to see him face to face, that was just a big fat no. For many, many reasons. First, because there was no way to explain to my boyfriend why I was going out solo on a Saturday night to meet Heath at a dive bar just off campus. Second, because Heath had a lot of nerve making any sort of demands. And that was no question. It was an order, which rubbed me wrong. No word in four years and suddenly he’s all meet me here?

Uh uh. Not doing it.

I can’t. Where have you been the last four years? Seriously.

Marines. Afghanistan.

Oh. Well, that made sense. It was a logical way to get out of Vinalhaven. But why had he left without telling me?

What do you think I did? What were you talking about before?

Doesn’t matter. I was wrong. Can you meet me tomorrow?

I didn’t answer, unsure. My room smelled like sour milk for some unknown reason and I moved around agitated, searching for the source of the odor. I must have left a food container somewhere. I tore back bedding, picked through the trash, shuffled aside papers on my desk. Nothing. Frustrated, I sprayed air freshener and ignored my phone. It chimed with a new text.

Damn it.

I want to talk to you. Please? Just once then I’ll leave you alone.

I couldn’t resist that. How could I resist that?

And did I really want him to leave me alone? I wasn’t sure that I did.

Ok. Two o’clock?

Sure. How about my place? I miss you.

I sat down hard on my bed. Tears came to my eyes. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair of him to do that to me. He hadn’t missed me. Or I would have heard from him. And now he wanted to just stroll onto campus and do what? Fuck up my life?

I don’t feel good. I’m going to bed.

It was peevish. It was me avoiding responding. Because I had missed him too, but damn it, I was pissed off at him. He should know that.

I wanted him to work at it. I could admit that. I wanted him to coax the truth out of me. Ethan would. Ethan was patient and always willing to approach me from different angles until I gave in.

But Heath wasn’t Ethan.

He wasn’t going to play games. Or let me be passive-aggressive.

Nite.

That was it. Nothing else.

Not what I wanted.

Lying back, I hugged my pillow and I cried, not wanting to feel anything for him anymore, but never wanting to let go of the enormity of what he had meant to me.