You Make Me (Blurred Lines #1)(58)
Author: Erin McCarthy

I nodded, afraid if I tried to speak, I wouldn’t be able to force the words out. I wasn’t sure I meant it. I just knew that the anxiety was crawling up my throat again.

“Then take this and don’t come back.” He shoved a box into my hand. “Just to be clear, I never want to see you again. Ever.”

“Heath…”

“Just let me go, Cat. For f**k’s sake, just free me if you don’t want me.” He yanked the door to the building open so hard it crashed into the brick wall.

As he went back inside, I looked down at what he had given me, stunned by what I’d done. Stunned by what he’d said. When I pried the box open, an engagement ring was resting inside.

He’d asked me to trust him.

I hadn’t.

But he didn’t trust me.

My heart splintered and a cry of dismay left my mouth.

I doubled over and threw up, a violent splashing over the pristine blanket of freshly fallen snow.

Chapter Twenty-One

I had nowhere to go but back to the sorority house and so I ran, sucking in a deep lungful of cold air. That Heath let me go like that, in the middle of the night, to walk by myself, spoke volumes about how angry and hurt he was. I clutched the box in my hand, and sobbed, my hair flying behind me, shivers wracking my body.

It was a beautiful ring. Not traditional, like the one Ethan had given me. It was sterling silver, and there was no diamond. It was an onyx, deep and dark and mysterious, like the ocean at night. A solemn black pool.

I cried harder as I ran, feeling absolutely and utterly alone. I ran from my pain, I ran from my disappointment, I ran from the past where my father hadn’t trusted me. Where Heath hadn’t trusted me.

And I ran from now, where I no longer trusted myself.

A police cruiser pulled up beside me, slowing down to keep pace with me. The passenger window rolled down and the officer looked over at me. “Are you Caitlyn?”

I nodded, wary.

“Your boyfriend called, worried about you. He said you took off.”

I nodded, wiping at my face with my sleeve.

“Get in. I’ll give you a ride.”

Ridiculously grateful to not be alone in the dark, I opened the door and climbed in, the leather seat squeaking as I slid across it.

“You okay?”

“Not really,” I said, with a watery shake of my head. “But that’s okay.”

“Is he hurting you? Are you afraid of him?”

“No.” I wasn’t afraid of Heath.

I was afraid of me.

Having a cop drop me off might have gotten a ton of attention if it had been earlier, but fortunately the house seemed still and quiet. I had managed to stop the tears, but I knew I looked like a complete disaster. I felt like a complete disaster. My nose was cold, my feet were cold, my fingers half numb, clasping tightly the ring box. This ring was how Heath saw me- beautiful and different. Free.

The ring Ethan had given me was how he saw me- classic, elegant.

I certainly wasn’t what Ethan thought. I had tried but it wasn’t me and it never would be. But did I want to be who Heath knew? He wanted me to go back to Vinalhaven. Get a job that didn’t require a degree. Raise a family and lay on the docks with him in the summer sunshine.

I no longer knew what I wanted.

I did want him.

God, how I wanted him.

But I didn’t want me when I was wanting him.

At the same time, the idea that he wouldn’t be there anymore, that I had destroyed our relationship in the span of one argument, made me sick. I went into the house, sniffling, trying to move silently to my room.

Aubrey’s door was open. She looked up, startled, swiping at her eyes when I walked past. I stood in the doorway, realizing that she was crying. “Are you okay?” I asked, my voice sounding raw and shaky.

She shook her head. “No. I slept with Jared and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I waited five whole dates, Caitlyn, and he was acting like he was all into me. Why do guys only want to f**k me? Am I so awful to be around?”

“No.” I went into her room and bent over to hug her. “You’re amazing to be around. You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re thoughtful.”

She looked at me. “Are you crying too? What’s wrong?”

“I think I broke up with Heath. I started to think maybe you were right… that I’m obsessed. Because all I was doing was fixating on everything. It hurt to be with him, but oh my God, it hurts even more to think about being without him.” A choked sound escaped before I could stop it.

“Sit down,” she said, patting the bed next to her. “I didn’t know what he meant to you when I was texting with him. You just said he was your foster brother and you cared about him. I never would have if I had known… but I was a bitch to tell you about it. I was just hurt that you hadn’t shared anything with me, and I was feeling lonely and left out. It was mean and immature.”

“I should have told you.” It shouldn’t matter, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Did Heath fix Ethan up with a girl?”

Her eyes bugged out. “What? No. Not that I know anything about. I don’t think they’re actually friends, you know.”

“Is Ethan dating someone? A brunette.”

She shook her head. “No. Ethan is basically banging his way through every weekend. He’s never really been Mr. Casual Sex, but he’s making up for it now. And I’m only telling you that because I can see by the look on your face that you already know about it.”

I swallowed hard. The answer wasn’t satisfying. Whether or not Heath had introduced Ethan to someone, he had said it to hurt me. And despite the fact that I had been with Heath, it still hurt to hear that Ethan was so completely over me. “He has the right to do whatever makes him happy.”

“I don’t think that f**king random girls is really making Ethan happy. I think he just needs a distraction right now and Jagerbombs are providing it.”

“I’ve never liked Jager,” I said mournfully. I could use a distraction myself. But then again, I’d never been a drinker either. I’d seen all too clearly what it had done to my brother.

“Did you really break up with Heath?”

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Why exactly? Did something happen tonight?”

“It’s complicated.” I looked at her with watery eyes. “I can’t explain it, Aub. It’s like I don’t recognize myself with him, yet I don’t know who I am without him.”