A Home of Her Own (Dundee, Idaho #4)(67)
Author: Brenda Novak

He pictured Lucky as she’d looked standing in this very room and sighed. He’d heard a lot of disparaging remarks about her since she’d returned. He’d used them to justify his own feelings and behavior. But he didn’t usually measure a person according to gossip. And the fact that Mike Hill was so supportive of her said something. Garth respected Mike, considered him almost a son.

Mike…Garth shook his head. How was it possible that Gabe’s best friend had become embroiled in one of the biggest scandals to rock Dundee in years? When the real scandal, the scandal that should’ve erupted but hadn’t, was right here in this book.

Slowly, Garth thumbed through the pages again, scanning for his name, the dates of his visits, the gifts he’d bestowed on Red. The sight of it turned his stomach. How could he have been so weak? Red’s notes about his favorite foods, wine and movies made it all so impersonal—as if she were sleeping with such a multitude of men she had trouble keeping everyone straight. It certainly didn’t do his ego any good and completely destroyed her mystique. But what could he say? He’d been a damn fool, and he’d had to live with that for years.

Snapping the book closed, he shoved it back in his drawer. Because he didn’t destroy it, he had to wonder if part of him was hoping Celeste would find it. Then he wouldn’t have anything left to hide. Then maybe he could wipe the slate clean.

A soft knock intruded on his thoughts. Locking the drawer in which he’d just deposited the journal, he dropped the key in his paperclip holder.

“Come in.” He pulled a stack of papers in front of him to make it look as though he’d been going over correspondence.

Celeste opened the door and slipped inside, wearing her flannel nightgown. “You’re working late again.”

He mustered a smile. “Yes, well, there’s always more to do, it seems.”

“But the legislature isn’t even in session. Can’t you relax a little? It worries me when you work so hard.”

“I’m fine, Celeste.”

“You never come to bed with me anymore.”

He felt fairly certain she used to consider that a blessing. He knew for a fact that there’d been many times when she’d feigned sleep so he wouldn’t expect to make love. After all these years, he supposed her reluctance to welcome any kind of sexual advance had worn him down. He rarely approached her anymore.

“It’s easier to use the guest room. That way I don’t disturb you.”

“Are you seeing someone else?” she asked suddenly.

Garth felt his mouth drop open. “Excuse me?”

“Are you in love with someone else, Garth? Is that what’s going on?”

He blinked, reined in his surprise, and found his voice. “No. No, I’m not.”

“Reenie seems to think it’s a possibility.”

“Reenie’s wrong.”

“I’m glad.” Celeste smiled in obvious relief. “You’re a good man, Garth.”

A good man? A good man didn’t lie. A good man took responsibility for his actions. He’d preached that concept to his children over and over again while they were growing up.

“Good night.” Celeste stepped toward the door.

Turning his face to the ceiling, he fought the panic surging through him. He had the journal; he didn’t need to do this, a voice in his head cried. But in reality he knew he had no choice. Either he risked losing everything he loved, or he lost his self-respect. And who could love a man who loathed himself?

“There is something you should know, Celeste.”

He saw a hint of fear in her expression as she turned, smoothed her nightgown and squared her shoulders. “What’s that?”

“I did have an affair. Once. A long time ago.”

The ensuing pause stretched his nerves taut.

“How long ago?” she finally asked, her voice now choked with the fear he’d seen in her face.

“Two and a half decades.”

Her chest lifted as though she’d just drawn a deep breath. “That is a long time ago.”

It wasn’t long enough. No amount of time seemed capable of dulling his remorse.

“Did she mean anything to you?”

He thought of Red’s notations—Favorite dessert: Pecan Pie—and almost laughed out loud. “No. I got confused and made a terrible mistake, for which—” he struggled to control his voice “—for which I’m very sorry. I’ve been sorry ever since. I should’ve told you long before now.”

She crossed the room and put her arms around him, drawing his head against the soft folds of her stomach. She smelled so familiar, so sweet and comfortable, he couldn’t help closing his eyes and simply breathing her in. His marriage wasn’t perfect. It never had been. But he and Celeste had been together for forty years, and she was a good woman. He’d done the right thing in staying with her. He knew that now.

“It’s okay, Garth,” she said. “We’re not always everything we want to be.”

Garth got the impression she was acknowledging her own weaknesses in that statement as well as his, and loved her all the more for it. She knew. She knew he’d been disappointed in certain areas of their marriage and she accepted responsibility for it.

What a big person—someone he could definitely admire.

He almost told her about Lucky…but caught himself. He didn’t want her to have to deal with something that might not be a problem. Before he said any more, he had to find out if Lucky was his daughter. Soon.

“Thank you, Celeste,” he murmured.

“I love you, Garth.”

He felt the first peace he’d known since Lucky’s call, and the physical aspect of his and Celeste’s relationship suddenly meant far less to him than the comfort and support she’d always offered. “I love you, too.”

MIKE PACED his brother’s office. “It’s been two weeks.”

Josh dropped his pen, propped his hands behind his head and stretched out his legs. “You want to fill me in on what you’re talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. I haven’t heard from her. Has she contacted you?”

“She?”

“Lucky.” Moving to the edge of Josh’s desk, Mike thrust his hands in his pockets and kept a close eye on his brother’s face. “If she has, you’d tell me, right? You wouldn’t hold out on me in some misguided attempt to appease Mom and Dad—”