A Lady by Midnight (Spindle Cove #3)(40)
Author: Tessa Dare

Stay? With the family?

He gazed at her in disbelief. “If you don’t feel safe with them on your own, you needn’t go.”

“I feel perfectly safe. That’s not my meaning.” She paused. “I want you there, too. I know your own childhood was . . . less than idyllic.”

He harrumphed. “Something less than it. Yes.”

“Well, perhaps this can be your chance to feel a part of something larger than yourself. Part of a strange, delightful, loving family. Don’t you want that, deep inside? Just a little?”

“I could never be a part of that.”

“Why not?”

He blew out a breath. “You don’t know me.”

She bit her lip. “But I do. I do know you. Because I know myself. And I’ve been a lonely person, too.” She took another step toward him, speaking softly. “I know how it wears on a soul. How it eats little pieces of your heart at unexpected times. How you can go whole weeks happily occupied, feeling no melancholy or deprivation, and then the smallest thing . . . Someone opens a letter, perhaps. Or stitches up a ripped garment that belongs to someone else. And it makes you realize how . . . adrift you are. Not tied to anyone.”

“I don’t—”

“And don’t try to tell me that you have no emotions. That you’re incapable of feeling anything at all. I know there’s a heart in there.”

It would seem there was. The cursed thing was pounding like a damned drum.

“Think this through,” he said sternly. “You’re not making sense. If the Gramercys make you part of their family, you will move in new circles of society. You could have a gentleman for a husband.”

“A gentleman who wants me for connections and money? Perhaps. I’d rather have the man who wants me.” She slid her arms around his neck. “You said you wanted me once.”

Her nearness tormented him. Like all the ladies, she’d taken a great deal of care with her appearance today. Embroidered flowers covered the overskirt of her lavender gown. The high waistline of her bodice plumped her br**sts like twin pillows—pillows edged with gold lace. She wore ribbons and flowers carefully braided into her hair.

It was far too quiet. They were much too alone.

“Of course I want you,” he said roughly. “Every thought in my head is of you. Tasting you, touching you, taking you in ways your innocent mind can’t even fathom. I don’t know a cursed thing about art or music or Aristotle. My every thought is crude and base and so far beneath you, it might as well be on the opposite side of the earth.”

Her cheeks colored. “I’ve told you, you’re not beneath me.”

Damn it. How could he make her understand?

“I own four books. Four.”

She laughed a little. “What on earth does that signify?”

“It signifies everything. Your life is about to change, forever. I won’t let you cling to me just because you’re scared. It’s not right. It’s not what’s best.”

She moved closer. “We could marry, Thorne. I’m not asking for much. You can just . . . be yourself, and I’ll amuse myself trying to make you happy. I know it’ll be a challenge, but I’m strangely keen to try.”

“For God’s sake, Katie. Why?”

“I don’t know how to explain it.” Her gaze searched his face. “Have you ever known true hunger, Thorne? Not just a missed meal or two, but prolonged deprivation. No proper food for days on end.”

He let a few seconds pass before affirming it. “Weeks.”

Years.

“Then you must understand. Even now, surrounded by plenty, food looks different to you than it does to others, doesn’t it? It tastes richer, means more. Years later, and you can’t bring yourself to let the smallest scrap go to waste.”

He nodded tightly.

“Let’s not waste this,” she whispered, reaching for him. “I don’t know what it is between us, but I know I’ve hungered for it all my life. Maybe other women could walk away, but not me. Never me.” She touched his cheek. “I think you’re hungry for it, too.”

She could have no notion. None. His heart was starved to a wasted shadow, with nothing left to offer now.

A smile spread across her face, broad with mischief. “Just think of all we could have. Two unwanted orphans, taking on London society. We’d wring more pleasure from every moment than people like the Gramercys can find in a year. Can you tell me honestly that you want no part of that life?”

Staying here in England and living on Lord Drewe’s charity? Enduring endless balls and dinners and hunting parties? Always feeling like the outsider; forever knowing he was so much less than she deserved? He wouldn’t even be able to support her like a real man.

He looked her in the eye. “I want no part of that life. It’s time for you to release me.”

Her lovely hazel eyes softened and her gaze fell to his lips.

“I just can’t,” she said. “I’m not letting you go.”

Chapter Thirteen

Kiss me, Kate willed silently.

Please. I’ve just laid my heart at your feet. Kiss me now, or I’ll die of disappointment.

She knew he was tempted. He stared at her mouth so intently, she could taste the softness and strength and heat of his lips. Her own jaw softened in response. She could see it so clearly, in her mind’s eye. Just how that kiss would go. She would be yielding and open, inviting him in. The boldness of his possession would shock and excite her. She would cling to him, and his big hands would roam every bit of her body. Their kiss would be frenzied at first, and then slow, sweet.

“Thorne.”

She caught his gaze. His pupils were so dilated, his eyes were almost entirely black. Even so, that thin orbit of blue was so intense, so piercing—she felt it inside her.

A sudden realization gave her a thrill. In her imagination, they were kissing. In his mind, they were doing something much more intimate. More animal, with far fewer clothes.

The thought enflamed her. Inexperienced as she was, she knew enough to sense her feminine power in the situation. He might say no to family and comfort and connection. But could he truly refuse this?

She leaned forward until her cheek met his. Just a simple press of skin to skin, and it was like nothing she’d ever felt.

“Is it . . .” She forced herself to ask, “Is it always like this? With your other women?”

He shook his head slowly. The scrape of his whiskers against her jaw—oh, it made her wild. But it wasn’t enough.