A Thousand Letters
Her hips rolled against mine as we kissed, her body asking to be touched. Her fingertips roamed from the seam of our lips to my jaw and neck, across the place where my heart thumped in my ribs and down the ridges of my stomach. And as she touched me, I touched her, hands slipping under her tank, pulling it up with my wrist, fingers hooking in the edge of her bra to bare her. My palm cupped the swell of her breast, my thumb grazing her peaked nipple, the sweet softness of her body memorized by my skin.
She gasped against my lips, her body arching, and she tilted her head, tipping her chin up. But my lips couldn’t stop, and they made their way down her long neck, to her collarbone, to her breast as she clutched me to her, hands twisted in my hair. I was surrounded by her, my thigh between her legs, her arms all around me, her skin everywhere, and I wanted every inch.
Lower I went, my busy lips seeking work, making a trail down her body as my hands rolled her onto her back, then moved down her stomach, to her panties. My fingers hooked them, pulling them down her thighs, her calves, away, my chest aching at the sight of her stretched out before me, all porcelain skin and dark eyes. Her breath was heavy as she crossed her arms to reach for the hem of her shirt and pull it off, the two of us undressing quickly.
The last time I held her, I was broken, unseeing what I had, unknowing what she could be. But now, with Elliot in my arms, I took nothing for granted. I knew what I had, and I’d hold on to her until the last beat of my heart.
She reached for me, and I filled her arms; I’d give her anything she wanted, forever.
I hovered over her, and she held my face, telling me with her eyes alone all the things I knew to be true. That she loved me. That she was sorry. That I was forgiven. That it was forever. And then I kissed her, giving myself to her in all the ways I could.
For a long moment, our bodies were still as we kissed, our only focus that place where our lips touched, where our tongues danced, but with every breath, heat spread across our skin. She moved, shifting until her thighs rested against my ribs, opening her up to me, her hips angling as her body reached for me. I was pressed against the heat of her, and with a shift of my hips and a flex, I filled her, connected to her, body and soul.
Neither of us breathed, our eyes locked, my heart thudding desperately in my chest as her lids fluttered closed. She took a breath that sounded like a sigh. I took a breath that shuddered with emotion.
Every movement was long and slow, deliberate. Her head turned to the side, lips parted, body rocking against mine. My arms, my back, my legs trembled as I moved slowly, deliberately, my pulse racing faster with every flex, and a soft sound passed her lips. I pressed harder, and she gasped. Harder still and my name, a whisper, slipped into the air. And then, just before I lost my composure, her back arched, her breath gone, lost from between her parted lips, the squeeze and pulse of her body around me taking me with her. And I let go too, the past, my pain, my heart and soul. I let it go and gave it to her.
Our bodies slowed to a gentle wave, my heart thundering as I buried my face in the curve of her neck, her heartbeat fluttering under her skin against my lips as her arms wrapped around me, cradling me.
I thought I’d never find freedom again. I thought I’d never know home, never know love. But in that moment, in her arms, against all odds, I found it all.
28
Only
For time cannot stop,
But moments,
Seconds,
A fleeting smile,
A kiss in the sunlight,
Can live forever.
* * *
– M. White
* * *
Elliot
The sun shone crisp in a cloudless sky, warming us in the cool in-between that spring so often brought. Wade stepped forward onto the mounded grass and placed a bouquet of flowers on Rick’s grave, then another on his mother’s. When he came back to me, he reached for my hand, and we stood silently, his final goodbye, for a while at least.
Almost two months had passed, bittersweet with grief over our losses and joy that Wade and I had found our way back to each other. Grueling and time consuming was the process of finalizing the details of the estate, paying off lingering debts and medical bills, setting up Sophie and Sadie to be able to manage the house with him so far away. But I’d been there through it all, and over the weeks, the hard shell of a man who’d come back after so long had cracked and fallen away, and I found Wade, my Wade, underneath it all.
I’d also submitted my work to a string of agents, a nerve-wracking and slow process. But I felt good and right, as if I were stretching my dusty wings for the first time in years and years. I found my light, my spark, and Wade had found his. We’d held each other’s all that time.
I’d moved into the house with Wade and Sophie once Charlie’s parents came to town and the new nanny was hired and settled in, and though I still went by every day to see them, they seemed to be just fine without me after all. Mary’s absence was the likely culprit of their adaptability — she would have only made it harder on everyone, children included, strictly for the sake of doing it.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since that night. I didn’t know that I ever would again.
She’d disappeared, abandoning Charlie and the kids, and my father and Beth had disappeared right along with her. It should have made me sad, made me regret my part in the falling out, but I didn’t. That they blamed me for their circumstances only made it easier to walk away.
I’d been freed from chains I hadn’t known I’d been wearing.
The grass was still damp under our feet from the morning dew — Wade’s flight would be leaving soon. My heart skipped a painful beat at the thought of being separated from him, but I reminded myself it was only temporary. I’d follow him in a few weeks, and then forever after. Warmth blossomed in my chest at the thought.