Aced

“Move out of the way, Andy, I need to hug this new momma who just gave me my first grandchild,” Dorothea says. She all but pushes her husband out of the way so she can hold my cheeks in her hands and kiss both of them.

“Hi.” Surprise flickers through me when I see tears in her eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her usually resonating voice unsteady and laden with emotion. “He’s absolutely adorable. You must be over the moon.”

“No need to thank me—”

“Yes, there is,” she says with a nod of her head to tell me not to argue. I’m smart enough to know by now when to pick my battles with her and this is not one of them. She leans in and gives me what feels like the hundredth hug in as many seconds before standing back with a soft smile on her lips and adoration in her eyes.

My gaze shifts over her shoulder to my dad. I’ll never forget the look on his face: awe, pride—discomfort at being packed like sardines in the room—but more than anything, love.

“Hi, sweetie.” He steps forward and presses a kiss to my head. But I don’t let him off that easily because I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight.

“Hiya, Daddy. What do you think?”

“I think I couldn’t be more proud of you and in love with him and I haven’t even gotten to hold him yet,” he says with a laugh. “You’re going to be a fantastic mother.”

And this time I don’t fight the tears but let one slip over and down my cheek, because that’s a huge compliment coming from a man I’ve idolized my whole life.

“Your turn,” my mom says, softly nudging my dad from the side as she holds out Ace for him to take for the first time. I watch the transition from one of my parents to the other and instantly know I’m going to enjoy watching them be grandparents to my son. And not that Dorothea and Andy won’t either, but it’s my parents, so the notion hits home a little more, knowing the same arms that rocked me as a newborn are going to rock him too.

I look to the right and notice Colton also watching them and realize he will never be able to have that same thought, and a part of me hurts for him because of it. And for the first time, I truly understand his hesitation, feeling like he’s on the outside here because not a single person in this room shares the same blood running through them with him like I do. It’s a humbling thought that opens my eyes all at the same time.

My dad looks up from Ace in his arms and asks Colton something, so my mom’s attention shifts to me. “Hey baby girl,” she says as she sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out with her fingers to move the strands of hair from my face. “You look tired. You in a lot of pain?”

“Just sore, but the pain was definitely worth it,” I say as she leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead.

“Yes, he is most definitely worth it. You two sure know how to make a beautiful baby.”

“It’s in the genes,” I say.

The conversation continues on around us as my mom asks me to retell everything I’ve already told her about on the phone: how my water broke, the labor, how Ace is eating, about his health, about my recovery. At some point I scoot over and she sits in the bed beside me. I put my head on her shoulder, and she plays with my hair like she used to when I was a kid and was sick. It’s comforting and soothing and just the right person I need right now to bridge that gap for me from pregnant to now being a mother. She knows I don’t need words, just her silent support, and it means the world to me as I look around this room crammed full of our friends and family.

There’s barely any room for anyone to move and everyone is watching Ace get passed from person to person and complimenting on what an easy baby he is to not be scared by all of this. And suddenly I’m overwhelmed with the thought that as many heartbreaking lows as I’ve been through trying to have a baby, it couldn’t have turned out more perfectly.

My heart is absolutely the fullest it has ever been in my life.

Time passes, the chatter subsides, and at some point Ace begins to cry. My body reacts to the sound of him. Panic sets in as Tanner tries to soothe him by bringing him up to his shoulder. And it’s not that I don’t want my brother to hold him but rather I need to hold him more. My body vibrates to hold my son again with a strange new mix of maternal instinct and hysteria.

“I can take him, Tanner,” I say, trying to subtly let him know.

“I can handle it, Ry,” he says. As I meet Haddie’s eyes she knows I’m starting to freak out.

“Tanner,” my mom’s voice rings above the chatter in a warning, “we’ve got a new momma here who is a bit overwhelmed by all of us swooping in on her at once. She hasn’t held Ace in a bit, and I’m sure she’s getting a little frantic, so why don’t you hand him over?” And even though I can’t see her face, I know the exact look she gives him from my own experience.

He responds immediately but by the time he gets Ace to me I’m sweating and heading toward a full-blown panic attack. “Here you go,” Tanner says as he slips him into my arms and plants a kiss on both of our heads. “He really is beautiful.”

And I can breathe again. He’s crying and I have no clue if it’s because of all of the stimuli or if he’s actually hungry, but I don’t care because he’s back in my arms. I look up to find Colton through the crowd of people, and he can tell I’m flustered and overwhelmed. When he mouths I love you, it puts a little more right in my world.

“Okay, guys,” he says after winking at me, “it’s feeding time and not for me.” Laughter rings through the room. “Thanks for coming to meet Ace, but it’s time to say goodbye and head out.”