All the Pretty Poses (Pretty #2)(31)
Author: M. Leighton

“But Kennedy, you’d been abused! If I’d known, I would’ve taken better care. I would’ve been gentler. I would’ve…”

“You were gentle. You did take care. There was nothing I would’ve wanted you to do differently. You were wonderful. It was everything I wanted it to be until…”

In my head, I finish her thought. “Right up until I disappeared.”

I see the hurt before she drops her eyes to watch her hands where they’re toying with the hem of her shirt. She doesn’t have to confirm it. I know I’m right. And I honestly don’t think I’d feel more like a monster if I’d killed somebody. I might as well have killed Kennedy. By leaving her, I sentenced her to a childhood where she was at the mercy of another kind of monster. And, without me, she had nowhere to run, no one to help her. She trusted me when she couldn’t trust anyone else, gave me the only thing she had to give, and I shit all over it.

My throat feels tight as I try to explain, knowing that nothing I say will ever change what happened, ever make a bit of difference. But I’m desperate to make her see… “My father came to get me that night. He’d pulled some strings and gotten me into Oxford for the fall semester. Said I was the oldest, the one who had to carry on the family name, the one who had to provide security for my brothers. He said it was my last chance to make my mother proud. He knew that if nothing else he’d said would make me go, that would. He knew she hated me. Maybe he even knew why. But I know he knew I’d do anything to finally get just one little bit of love from her. Just the tiniest bit of approval.” I turn to face Kennedy, sitting like a damaged angel in a bed of pain. “Not that any of that matters now. It doesn’t change the fact that I was weak. I never wanted to grow up to be like my father and he knew it. But that manipulative bastard outsmarted me and I grew up just like him anyway.”

“You’re not like your father, Reese.”

“How can you say that?” I ask in angry disbelief. “After the way I treated you, how can you say that? Look what I’ve become.”

“You always treated me well, Reese. Like just a girl. A girl worth spending time with. But if you feel that way, if you’re unhappy with what you’ve become then change it. You’re the only one who can.”

I feel fingers of hopelessness wrapping my soul in their icy grip. “I am what I am, Kennedy. Like it or not, this is it. This is who I turned out to be.”

“Then be happy with that. Regret will eat you alive if you let it. The only choice we have is to do the best we can and move on.”

“Is that what you did? You moved on? Learned to hate me?”

The thought of her hating me is appalling, but I know it’s a very real possibility, just like I know that I can’t change the past.

“I don’t hate you, Reese.”

“You should.”

“No, I shouldn’t. You’re right. We were both just stupid kids. I expected you to be my hero, but that wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have put that on you. I needed to learn to be my own hero, because in the end, people can only hurt you if you let them.”

“So now you keep everyone at arm’s length so they can’t get close enough to hurt you.”

“Don’t judge, Reese. You do the same thing.”

I don’t answer her. Maybe she has a point.

The need to heal her, to make up for all the pain I caused her, to give her happiness in place of all the heartache wells in my chest like a hot spring. Maybe it’s man’s instinct to protect the weaker sex. Maybe it’s the residue of the love I had for a girl a long time ago. Maybe it’s something more. Who the hell knows? But it’s there.

I have a few weeks to show her some goodness in life before we part ways, a few weeks to put to bed old flames. To exorcise old demons.

I walk to the side of the bed nearest her, stopping to stare down into the face that’s even more beautiful than I remember. More beautiful than it was yesterday.

“Let me make it up to you.”

She starts shaking her head immediately. “No, Reese. That’s not what I wanted. That’s not why I told you.”

“I don’t care. I want to. All you have to do is let me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX – Kennedy

A small part of my brain is wondering if this whole scenario is even real. I just spilled my guts to the guy who broke my heart and shattered my world all those years ago. And he just gave me a little peek into his. And now he’s offering…what? I don’t really know.

More importantly, I can’t believe I’m considering it. But the truth is, I never stopped loving Reese. Like scars and bad memories, some things never go away.

“Even if I wanted to, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Reese insists, dropping down onto the bed beside me. “You can be with me. You can let me be with you. You can let me give you the happiness that you deserve.”

My heart thrills at what he’s suggesting, even though I know he doesn’t have forever in mind. I’m not sure I’d trust him to give it to me at this point anyway. But he’s offering me right now.

Only…

“Reese, I work for you. Can’t you understand that it feels…dirty? Like I’m a…a…prostitute? Like you’re paying me to…”

That heart-stopping smile that has haunted me for years spreads across his mouth, bearing the edges of his straight, white teeth. It’s lopsided and sexy and it turns my stomach to mush.

“Oh, I won’t be paying you for that. You’ll be off the clock for anything more…intimate.” As if he senses my hesitation, he adds, “If you decide that’s what you want, that is.”

He’s already giving in a little. A day ago, he wouldn’t have left it at if. He would’ve said when.

“But Reese—”

“But nothing,” he interrupts urgently. “Please, Kennedy. Do this with me. Don’t make me beg.” His eyes search mine until a teasing light enters them again. “Unless that’s what you’re into.”

I can’t help but smile. “God! Reese!” I exclaim, slapping his arm. He flinches like I hit him with a taser.

“Okay, so you’re into the rough stuff. I can do that, too.”

I laugh outright this time, rolling my eyes at his melodrama.

“I don’t know. I just…”

Reese takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, rubbing his lips across my knuckles as he watches me over the top of them. “Then let me show you. Just give me a chance. I can give you some of the best weeks of your life. Trust me.”