Always on My Mind

Chapter Twenty

The next few days passed in a blur of back-breaking hard work as Lori helped Grayson lay in the boards and beams for the new roof of his cottage while keeping up with all of the usual farm chores. And, of course, there was the wonderful sex they had every night when the animals were finally taken care of and the only thing the two of them needed to focus on until sunrise was each other.

The sex was so good, in fact, that Lori sometimes wondered if she was dreaming. But each morning when Grayson dragged her out of bed at sunrise so that she could make them both breakfast, she knew she wasn't. A dream would never be so heartless, or make her muscles ache quite so much with his incredibly long lists of work to be done on the farm.

She was taking a ten-second break, dreaming of a tropical beach and a fruity drink, when Grayson rode up on his horse and said, "I need your help with something on the back forty." He pulled her up onto his horse without so much as a "please."

"You know," she said as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and rode off with her, "I'm sure I could learn to ride if you could spare a few precious minutes to show me how."

"Of course you could," he agreed. "You'd be a natural on horseback. But I want you here with me."

With his surprisingly lovely words echoing all through her heart, she snuggled deeper against him. "I'd rather be here with you, too." She honestly couldn't think of anywhere she'd rather be than out in this beautiful green pasture with Grayson. "So, what are you going to do to work me to the bone now?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

He sounded way too happy with himself and she groaned while stewing in all the possibilities of the torturous work he had planned for her, like digging a ditch or hauling heavy rocks. But when the grass started to turn to sand and he didn't stop the horse, her suspicions suddenly shifted in another direction.

"Do you own the beach out here, too?"

"Technically, no," he answered as he finally tied up his horse to a nearby tree and helped her down, his big hands warm on her waist as he stole a kiss. "But since the only way to get to this part of the shore by land is through my property, we're not going to have to worry about anyone seeing you here na**d."

"Naked?" Her body heated up even as her eyes narrowed. "Are you saying you brought me to the beach to seduce me?"

He pulled a large foil wrapper and a Thermos out of one saddlebag. "I brought lunch, too. For later."

She loved seeing him like this. Smiling. Playful. Happy. It was how he deserved to be.

Lori wanted so badly to heal Grayson. He obviously blamed himself for what had happened with his wife. And she hated that he did. She wanted to clear away his pain and fill up the empty spaces with love.

But life, she knew, wasn't always that easy. And sometimes having some fun despite the pain was all you could do.

She looked down at the picnic he'd packed, and teased, "Well, if you've got lunch, then I suppose you could have me as an appetizer first."

The next thing she knew, he was throwing her up over his shoulder, pulling a thick blanket out of the other saddlebag, and carrying her down to the beach. She could easily have gotten back down on her feet, but what was the point of pretending she didn't love this?

Just as she was going to let herself pretend, at least for the next few days, that this was a life she could stay and live forever.

They'd barely spread the blanket out on the sand before they were both reaching for each other.

"I don't know how you do it," he murmured as they stripped off each other's clothes and he sat on the blanket and pulled her over him. "All I know is that I can't stop wanting you."

"I'll show you how," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and straddled his na**d body. She loved the feel of the hard and fast beat of his heart against her own bare chest, proof that she affected him as much as he affected her.

She found his mouth with hers and kissed him softly, the salt spray from the ocean already on his lips. She knew she'd never forget this - making love to Grayson on his beach, his arms tight and warm around her. She could feel how much he wanted her, but he didn't rush her, didn't roll them over on the blanket and thrust into her, even though both of them would surely enjoy that, too.

He'd given her so much pleasure while also giving her back her confidence in herself as a beautiful, desirable woman - and now she wanted to give him back just as much. Lori knew she couldn't fully heal Grayson, that she couldn't change his past. But she could give him a few moments of sweet perfection in her arms.

Moments just like this.

She licked out against his tongue and he groaned his pleasure into her mouth as his tongue licked back. He made her smile, her rough and gruff farmer, even as she rocked her pelvis into his, his erection thick and throbbing against her slick skin.

But there was so much more of him she wanted to taste, to run her tongue, her lips, over. She rained kisses across his jaw, his five o'clock shadow scratching her lips in the most delicious way, then down beneath his jaw into the hollow of his neck where she had licked the rain from his skin just a week before.

The storm hadn't only been brewing outside, it had hit both of them just as hard, just as suddenly. He said she made him forget, but he made her forget, too. Because one kiss, one caress at a time, Grayson had taken the place of every other man she'd ever been with - all of them nothing more than a prelude to the real thing.

To love.

She'd planned to run her hands over his broad shoulders, to kiss every inch of him, but the intensity of their passion for each other ran too deep for her to do anything but grab the condom he'd dropped onto the blanket, tear it open, and lift her h*ps up so that she could slide it onto his absolutely gorgeous erection.

Grayson's entire body stiffened while her fingertips grazed his hard flesh, and she understood how hard he was working to keep himself in control for another few seconds - because she was doing the same thing herself.

"You'd better go faster than that," he growled.

Lori was both grinning and panting as she decided to mess with him just the teeniest bit. "I'm going as fast as I can," she said, even as she let her hands linger across him, her h*ps bump just a little against his, the tips of her br**sts slide over his rock-hard pecs as she fiddled with the condom.

"Like hell you are," he said, and then he was taking the job away from her, his hands moving to her h*ps a moment later to hold her tightly as she finally took him inside, sliding down over his thick length one perfect inch at a time.

Her eyes fluttered closed, her breath rushing from her body as pleasure overtook her. When she finally figured out how to breathe again and opened her eyes, she found Grayson staring at her with such desire - and such wonder - that her chest clenched so tight that she could actually feel her love for him throbbing between them.

The only way she could keep from saying the words aloud to him was to cover his mouth with hers and focus every last cell, every last muscle in her body, on pleasure, on filling herself with his hard heat again and again and feeling him grow even bigger, even harder inside of her with every stroke.

"Grayson..." She couldn't see anything but him, couldn't think anything but his name, couldn't feel anything other than the deepest pleasure she'd ever known in her life. And as the ocean waves crashed behind them into the jagged rocks along the coast, Grayson was her anchor as he held her so tightly on his lap that she could no longer move. She could only hold on as he thrust up into her again and again until she was crashing hard into a cl**ax so beautiful she was nearly sobbing at the pleasure he gave her.

And as he called out her name, then exploded inside of her as she held him just as tightly as he'd been holding her, she didn't have to wonder if her body had just told him of the love she hadn't let herself speak aloud.

All that was left to wonder was whether he'd heard it, too.

* * *

The next afternoon, the sun was already starting to set by the time Grayson found her in the pigpen. "You're just getting their stalls mucked out now?"

Lori remained amazed both by the way he managed to infuse each word with so much irritation, and by how cute she found it. Not rushing as she finished the final stall, she carefully washed off her rake and hung it up before saying, "I would have finished earlier, but someone made me late for work this morning by not letting me get out of bed."

As she walked over to him at the gate, he made a face. "You really need a shower."

"Well, you really are cranky," she retorted even though she completely agreed with him about how nice a shower would be right about now. "Think a shower can wash that away, too?"

"You think this is cranky?" he growled as he took hold of her and dragged her around the side of the barn. "I'll show you cranky."

Before she knew it, he had her standing fully clothed under the outdoor shower. He stripped the wet clothes, hat and boots from her so fast that all she could do was stand there in shock and let him. Only to be doubly shocked when she realized his jeans and boots were already off, too, and he'd put a condom on.

A moment later, he picked her up and drove into her, both of them utterly ravenous for each other despite the fact that it had barely been eight hours since they'd last made love. She didn't need foreplay, didn't need anything but his strong arms around her and his fierce desire to drive her straight to the edge, and then all the way over as his lips landed on hers and he drove his tongue into her mouth just as he thrust his h*ps forward.

Later, when he soaped her up, then made her feel good all over again with his hands and mouth, Lori made a mental note to remember to call Grayson names more often than she already did.

* * *

A few days later, Grayson had just stepped in the back door when he heard Lori's voice coming from the kitchen.

"Hey Soph, time for my daily check-in so that you don't think an axe murderer has gotten to me."

He hadn't realized Lori and her sister spoke every day. Despite opening up to each other about their failed relationships after their first night together, by tacit agreement since then, they hadn't pushed each other hard for anything. Instead, they'd both simply enjoyed their time together.

But it was getting harder and harder for Grayson to deny that he was starved for more of Lori. Not just her body. Not just her laughter. But to know her better.

All of her, inside and out.

So even though he knew he shouldn't listen in without her knowledge, he didn't head back outside to let her finish her call in private.

"Oh!" he heard Lori exclaim. "Is that a baby laughing? Really, it's two babies laughing at the same time?" He felt the wonder in her voice deep in the center of his heart. "What could be better than that?" she asked on a sweet little laugh of her own. "I can't wait to see them on Sunday. I've missed my little niece and nephew so much."

He'd known since that day he'd taken her to the General Store to pick up boots that she'd be leaving him for lunch this Sunday.

Unfortunately, he also knew that the odds of her coming back to his farm - and to him - after that were slim to none. Because once she re-entered her real life, she'd see how ridiculous hiding out on his farm was. Lori was a world-class dancer. She had a family who loved her. As much a part of the land as she seemed to be every time he looked at her, the truth was that she didn't belong on his farm.

It was why he'd been careful not to get too close, telling himself again and again that it was smarter just to fill up on pleasure so that it wouldn't hurt as much once she was gone.

But Grayson knew better: It would hurt like hell.

And he would have to let her leave anyway, because keeping Lori hidden away on a farm would deprive the world of her truly special gift. He'd known from the first second she showed up that she wouldn't last very long. But he'd thought she would leave because she hadn't been able to hack the hard work.

Now he knew the truth. Lori Sullivan could do anything she set her mind to. But while there could be plenty of great farmhands out there, only a few people were meant to be dancers.

"Yes," she said to her sister, "I do feel better." She gave a contented little sigh. "Lots better. What can I say? Being a farmhand obviously agrees with me. Oh," she added on a playful note, "and lots of super awesome sex with a hot cowboy doesn't hurt, either."

She laughed at whatever her sister said. "Don't worry, Soph. You'd like Grayson. He's nothing like Victor." Lori was silent for a few moments as her sister spoke again. "I don't know. I'm still working that out."

What didn't she know? Grayson asked himself. If she was finally going to confront the douchebag she used to date? Or was she telling her sister that she thought there was a chance of a future with the cowboy?

Shit. This was why it was a bad idea to listen in on a conversation. Especially only half of one.

"I love you, too, Soph. Kiss each one of Smith's and Jackie's perfect little fingers and toes for their Aunt, okay?"

Grayson slipped back out the side door and stood in the driveway, staring up at the moon, wondering when in the hell he'd managed to completely lose hold of his heart. A few minutes later, Lori came outside to join him and slipped her hand into his.

"I swear," she said in a voice filled with wonder, "the moon looks prettier here than anywhere else. Everything does."

"It's even better from the middle of the pasture."

Hand in hand, they started slowly walking out across his land, the night air clean and crisp, the sky an inky blue. For once, she was quiet as she stared up at the sky and he knew he should be appreciating the rare moments of silence.

Only, more than he wanted a return to the quiet he'd grown so accustomed to over the past three years, he wanted Lori.

"Tell me about your family."

He felt her start in obvious surprise, but she quickly covered it with a laugh. "The sun will probably be back up by the time I finish doing that. There are eight of us, remember?"

"You only have one sister, right?"

She nodded. "We're twins."

"There's two of you?"

"Don't sound so horrified. We're nothing like each other. In fact, I can guarantee you would love my quiet, calm, librarian sister. Everyone does, especially Sophie's pub-owning, tattoo-covered husband, Jake."

He raised an eyebrow. "How'd they possibly end up together?"

"Sophie and Jake have been in love with each other since they were kids, but neither of them wanted to admit it until they finally gave in and had a one-night stand at my brother Chase's wedding. Sophie got pregnant with twins and the rest is history."

By now, he wasn't terribly surprised at the way Lori acted as if something like that would be a perfectly natural progression for a relationship to take. She didn't expect life to be normal, or by the book.

"My brother Gabe is just a little older than me and Soph. He's a firefighter in the City and recently married Megan after saving her and her daughter Summer from a bad apartment fire last year." With barely a breath between sentences she explained, "Summer is an amazing eight-year-old who made my brother Zach take her new puppy for a couple of weeks while they were gone on vacation. He ended up meeting Heather, who's a dog trainer and wanted nothing to do with him. But then her dog fell in love with his puppy, and Zach realized he couldn't live without Heather either, so now they're engaged."

His head was spinning with names and details. "The dogs are engaged? Or are you talking about your brother and his dog trainer?"

"Oooh," she exclaimed, "Summer would love it if we had a little ceremony for the dogs, too. Good idea!" She paused for half a second before jumping to what seemed like a totally random question. "Do you like baseball?"

He gave her a look that said she should know better. "I'm a red-blooded American male. Of course I like baseball."

"But since you're from New York, you're probably more of a Yankees fan than a Hawks fan, right?"

"Are you kidding? After seeing Ryan Sullivan pitch up close, I - " The last names suddenly clicked into place. "Don't tell me your brother is the guy responsible for the Hawks winning the World Series this year?"

"Last year, too," she confirmed with a happy smile. "He just got engaged to his best friend from high school. Vicki is an awesome sculptor. So awesome, in fact, that one of my other brothers hired her to work on his last movie."

Grayson had thought he was catching up, but now she was losing him again. "You have a brother who works on movies?"

"I should make you guess this one." She waited expectantly for him to figure out who the hell in Hollywood she could possibly be related to, before finally scrunching up her nose and sighing. "I don't know why nobody ever sees the family resemblance. I'll give you a hint." She pretended she was holding a gun with her free hand and pointed it at him. "All the right friends in all the right places can't save you now, can they?"

"Jesus," he said as he realized her brother was Smith Sullivan, one of the biggest movie stars in the world. "Is there anyone you aren't related to?"

"Well," she said just slowly enough that he realized she was going to hit him over the head with yet another whopper of a sibling, "you know the wine we had with dinner the other night? My brother Marcus owns Sullivan Winery, and - "

"There's an and?"

Lori started humming a song he'd heard on the radio approximately a thousand times in the past year. It was catchy and well written enough that somehow he wasn't sick of it yet. "You know that song, right?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Marcus's fiancee Nicola wrote it. And sang it." She lifted her hands to his chest. "But before you totally start freaking out - "

"I'm not freaking out," he said, but she ignored him, of course.

" - since I haven't noticed that you're all that into photography, you probably haven't heard of my brother Chase."

"I was on the board of directors for the International Center of Photography in New York City," he growled. "Of course I know who Chase Sullivan is."

Had he really been stupid enough to think that he could have uncomplicated, no-ties sex with Lori Sullivan?

Hell, in everything he did or saw or listened to for the rest of his life, he'd think of her and her family.

"And you know that my father died. I was only two, but my mother and older brothers tell the most wonderful stories about him, so it feels like I have memories of him, even though I really don't."

He pulled her against him, into the place he always wanted her, with her body pressed close, her cheek soft in the crook of his neck. When she'd told him about her father before, he hadn't been kind, hadn't told her, as he did now, "I'm sorry."

"I am, too," she said as she wound her arms around his neck. "Now will you tell me about your family?"

"It's pretty much the opposite of yours. I don't have any brothers or sisters. My father is still working the stock exchange and my mother helps run half the charities in the city."

"They must be so amazed with your farm, with everything you've done here to make such a difference in feeding an entire community."

He shook his head. "They haven't seen it."

"How could they not want to come see what you've created here?" She looked extremely insulted on his behalf. "I mean, I know it's different from what they're used to in the city, but a little mud isn't going to hurt them."

She was such a fierce defender of him, so ready to take his side. When, what, how had he ever done anything good enough to deserve this time with her? And how could he possibly find a way to keep her here with him for longer than two weeks without her resenting him for keeping her from her family, her career, her real life?

"I've never asked them to come," he admitted.

"Oh, Grayson." She lifted his hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to his palm. "Don't they know better than to wait for an invitation when the only thing that works with you is just showing up and refusing to leave? How come Sweetpea and I are the only ones who have ever figured that out?"

All day, all night, Grayson had wanted to kiss her, but never more than he did right then, with her sweet emotions clear as the night sky in her beautiful eyes.

Leaving the hand she was holding between their chests, he threaded the fingers of the other through her soft hair. She was already tilting her mouth up to his as he lowered his down onto hers.

Every time he kissed Lori and tasted how fresh and sweet she was, Grayson felt as though he was being bathed in warm sunlight on a perfect summer day. And even now, as he kissed her beneath the moon and the stars, that warmth moved through his veins, pumping through a heart that had been cold for so long.

He never wanted to stop kissing her, never wanted to let go of the beautifully warm and sweet girl in his arms. A week ago, he would have made himself let go of her anyway. But her conversation with her sister was a reminder that she'd be leaving soon enough...and he wasn't even close to having his fill of her yet. So instead of letting Lori go, Grayson pulled her closer.

And when she gasped her pleasure against his lips, it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.

* * *

All the next day, Lori thought about the kiss Grayson had given her in the moonlight.

She wasn't surprised to find that he had a deeply romantic side. Not when he'd been revealing himself to her in bits and pieces over the past two weeks without even realizing it. How gentle he'd been in coaxing a baby goat out of the blackberry bramble he'd gotten himself stuck in. The way he spoke to his horses in low, soothing tones as he groomed them. The care with which he picked up his prize hens to stroke their feathers. And, of course, his romantic side was even more fun when contrasted with his cranky-pants attitude during the work day.

Truth be told, there wasn't a side of him she didn't like, and more and more often she found herself wondering about the future...and if it could be possible for them to have one together. Could she figure out a way to combine the life she'd had before Grayson with the new one she'd found with him in the rolling pastures of Pescadero?

In two days she'd be heading to her mother's house for the Sunday lunch she'd promised her sister she would attend. They'd want to know everything, and she knew she'd have to tell them about her ex, the farm, the work she'd done these past two weeks.

But what would she say about Grayson?

And how could she possibly explain what she'd found here with him without them seeing that she'd fallen head over heels in love with a man who couldn't love her back?

Yes, she knew none of them had had an easy road to their own happily-ever-afters. Nonetheless, being the only one left in a family of joyously-in-love siblings wasn't easy.

Going with Eric to help with the CSA pick-ups was bittersweet this time as she wondered whether it would be the last time she got to do it. After he dropped her off and drove back down the driveway, she found Grayson on top of the cottage roof.

"Hey, cowboy," she called up to him, "you make a girl want to stare up at the blue sky forever."

And it was true - even looking at him from a distance made her heart clench and her stomach twist and her breath come faster. She might only have loved him for a week, but that love ran so deeply through her that she could barely hold the words back sometimes, especially when he was kissing her and holding her in his strong arms at night.

He grinned down at her, the smile she so loved making her heart flip-flop around in her chest like crazy as he said, "Looking good down there, too, cowgirl."

"Good enough to take a little break?" she said with a playful little flounce of her chest and hips.

"Hell, yeah," he said in such a hot, sexy voice that her head spun and her knees grew weak. "Grab the small hammer from the kitchen counter for me and I'll nail down these last couple of shingles." He stripped her with his eyes. "And then I'll nail you."

Boy, did he know how to motivate her as she all but ran into the kitchen to get his hammer. But when she saw Sweetpea lying halfway off her bed of pillows and blankets, with her head turned in a slightly strange position, Lori immediately forgot about Grayson waiting for her on the roof.

"Baby, are you okay? Please be okay."

She ran a gentle hand over the cat's side and was beyond relieved to find her still warm and breathing. She immediately scooped her off the floor. Despite the special meals Lori had been making and hand feeding to her, Grayson's cat had become terribly thin, so that every one of her ribs was showing. Even her tail, which had remained thick despite her illness, was now nearly hairless.

Lori was still sitting on the couch rocking the cat in her arms when Grayson came in the side door. "How long were you planning on making me wait for the - " He stopped cold as he saw her with Sweetpea. "Did something happen with Mo?"

For once, Lori didn't correct him on the cat's name. "I don't think she feels very good tonight. But we're just going to cuddle it out."

Grayson sat beside them on the couch and ran a large hand over the cat's skinny frame before placing it over Lori's. They stayed just like that until long past the moment the cat fell peacefully asleep - the loner and the two strays who had refused to let him be alone.