Athena’s Ashes (Star Thief Chronicles #2)(34)
Author: Jamie Grey

She opened her cabin door and slipped inside, staring sightlessly at the bed. A few minutes ago, she’d wanted Finn more than she’d ever wanted another man. But if he couldn’t trust her, if he didn’t accept her personality for what it was, could she really be with him?

Renna peeled off her workout clothes and stepped into the shower, turning up the temperature as hot as it would go. Her skin was glowing pink and her fingers puckered before she finally switched it off. Her muscles felt a little more relaxed, but her brain was still spinning.

Fuck this. She wasn’t going to wait around for Finn to feel like talking to her. He’d just have to deal with her now, whether he liked it or not.

She quickly dried off, then threw on a sweater and a clean pair of leggings. She was going to tell him the truth about what happened. It would be up to him after that.

Renna crossed to the hatch. A knock stopped her, hand halfway to the control panel.

“Renna? We need to talk.”

She blinked at the door. Finn hadn’t been able to let more than an hour go by either. “Are we going to talk or are you going to throw accusations at me?” she finally asked.

“Please open the door. I don’t want to do this standing in the hallway.”

Renna pressed the control pad, then crossed her arms and stepped aside as the door slid open. “Fine. Come in.”

Finn took up a spot beside the table, his gaze resting on her for a moment before sliding away.

Silence stretched between them, and she clenched her fists. She was damned if she was going to talk first. He’d come to her room. Let him make the first move.

Finally, he sighed heavily and raked a hand through his dark hair. “Look, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions about you and Blake. I saw the two of you pressed together like that and thought the worst.” He met her gaze. “I was jealous.”

Renna raised an eyebrow. “That’s no excuse for acting like an ass**le. Nothing happened between Blake and me. Ever.”

Finn nodded. “I know. Blake told me the same thing.”

Her chest tightened. “What?”

“I asked Blake about it. He said you were sparring.”

She dropped her voice until it was dangerously low. “You went to Blake first before coming to talk to me?”

Finn blinked as he realized his misstep. “No. I, uh. See…”

Renna threw up a hand. “Don’t even try. How can you scream at me about trust when you didn’t even have the common decency to come talk to me about the situation?”

“Renna, that’s not it.”

She cocked her head. “No? Then would you care to explain? ‘Cause that’s how it looks from my end.”

Finn growled. “Look, I’ve spent the last two weeks worried about you. I had no idea if you were safe, if I’d ever see you again, or if you’d even done what you said you were going to do.”

“If I what?” Renna gaped at him. Had he really just said that? “You’ve never trusted me, have you?”

The walls of her room closed in, making it feel no bigger than a closet. Her legs itched to pace, her hands curled into fists, ready to strike out at something, but she was trapped here against the door, staring at someone she thought had loved her.

Finn yanked a chair away from the table and sat down heavily. “You know my past. You know that I’ve always had a hard time trusting people. I was burned too many times—by Blur, by the gang, even by people I thought had my back. It’s easier for me to expect the worst. That way I’m not hurt if it happens.”

“Join the f**king club.”

He nodded. “I know. You haven’t had it easy either. I don’t know what to say but that I’m sorry and I want to fix this.”

“Fix this? I didn’t think anything was broken until you freaked out on me for no reason.” She glared at him. “I’m not going to do this.”

His gaze snapped to hers. “Do what?”

“Dance around your feelings and try to figure out what it is you want from me. Let me tell you a few truths. I’m a thief. I always have been, and even if I give it up and walk the straight and narrow, I always will be. Obviously you still have a problem with that. With trusting me.”

“I don’t…”

“You do,” she insisted. “You’ve already planned out my life when this is over. Some boring desk job where you can make sure I behave while you go out and have your adventures. It’s not going to happen, Finn. I could never be that person. And I don’t want to be with someone who wants that for me either.”

Finn stared down at his hands clenched together on the table. She didn’t think he was going to answer, but he finally spoke softly. “I don’t want that for you, Renna. At least not consciously. I just don’t want you in danger. I want you to be safe. I care about you, and it scares me. And when I get scared, I try to control things.”

“No kidding.” The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she winced. Being sarcastic right now would not help the situation.

But Finn didn’t respond to her taunt. “It was easy to jump to conclusions about you and Blake because it was something else to focus on, something I could control. It was right there in front of me, and I could get angry about it. Do something about it. I can’t do the same thing with Samil or MYTH.” He finally looked up at her. “But I do trust you. I know you’d never betray me or MYTH.”

“Damn straight. I gave you my word. Everything I’ve done since you found me a month ago has been to help you and your damned organization. And look where it’s gotten me. I’m turning into a f**king monster. You’ll have to excuse me if I’ve been a little preoccupied. I don’t have a lot of extra energy to spend on figuring out how to make you happy.”

She blinked back the sudden tears that burned her eyes. Was Finn so focused on his own feelings that he couldn’t see how terrified she was herself? “I don’t know what you want from me, Finn. But I don’t have anything else to say to you right now. To be honest, the only thing I want to do right now is tell you to f**k off and kick you out of my cabin.”

It was so much easier to be on her own, to not have to answer to anyone else. Now that she cared about what Finn thought, it felt like she’d given him too much power over her. Having to deal with someone else’s expectations pissed her off.

It would be so much easier to walk away now.