Awakening

“It wasn’t like that. Jacoby wasn’t with Kylee, he was kind of with me,” she says, trying to bury her head even further into my chest. A small portion of her face is still visible and I can see a hint of pink between the locks of her hair.

A sudden sting of jealousy hits me and it hits me f**king hard. I’m envious and she’s embarrassed … of a dream? Get a grip, dude.

“What do you mean by he was kind of with you?”

“We kind of fooled around a little bit. It just all seems so real, Sky. I don’t know what to think. In my dream, or whatever the f**k it was, I had tried to be with Jacoby to get over my feelings for you, but it didn’t work. All I wanted was you. You’re all that I want,” Mira admits, looking up through her long dark lashes with a tinge of guilt in her eyes.

“What else did you dream?” I really don’t think I can take much more, but if she’s willing to talk, I have to let her.

“I dreamt of our life, my life, your life; it was all such a weird experience.”

“My life?” If this was her dream, how was she watching my life, or what she thought was my life?

“You were trying to find a way to win me back. I wasn’t there though, it’s so crazy. It was like the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West was watching Dorothy, putting them all to sleep in the poppies. That’s the best way I can explain it. I know it happened, I dreamt it, but I wasn’t there.”

“I’m going to give you some time to sort through everything, Sweets. You’re confused and I don’t want to add to the stress of you trying to get better. I’m sure the doctor is going to want to keep you here for a bit, so they can keep an eye on you. How about we talk more once you’ve had some time to come to grips with everything?”

Mira’s expression quickly turns from guilt to anger in the blink of an eye. “What are you saying, Skylar? You’re not going to come see me? We’re not going to talk about this?”

“Not yet. We both need to figure this out. I love you, you know that, but I can’t do anything about it until you get better. So please just let me take care of you and love you from afar. I promise everything will work itself out one way or another.”

“As long as you still love me, I can wait. Just promise me you believe that I love you back. Please promise me that.”

“I promise,” I lie through my teeth. There is no way this girl can love me. Her reaction to Jacoby confirms my earlier fears. She’s confused and has been dreaming one hell of a dream. Once she spends time with Danny again, she’ll remember all the love they share and I’ll just go back to being her fiancés best friend.

I give Mira one last hug and stand to leave the room just as Danny walks back in. I swear this guy has impeccable timing.

“Hey, I brought enough pizza for everyone,” Danny says, walking to the counter to set the pizza down.

“I’m good, man. I have to head home. I have some stuff that needs to be taken care of before tomorrow morning.”

“Oh that’s right, you start that job tomorrow. I totally forgot. Mira, Sky got a job as a manager for a garage.”

Danny and I used to talk all the time when we were younger, that we would grow up, work on bikes and ride all the time. I only went to college to keep my parents off my ass. Danny, on the other hand, will be putting his accounting degree to good use. Safe and predictable Danny is exactly what Mira needs right now; not someone like me.

“Yeah, I have to get my tools and stuff. I’ll catch you guys later, though. I’ll come by after work tomorrow, okay Mira?”

“I would like that a lot. Have a good first day at work,” she says, staring deep into my soul with the most innocent smile on her face.

I walk out of the hospital room and down the hallway, knowing that I lied to her again. I won’t be back tomorrow. I probably won’t be back here at all. She needs time to think, and she can’t do that with me here. Right now she needs Danny, whether she believes it or not.

CHAPTER TWO

Mira

I’m sitting quietly on my bed, eating a slice of pizza and wondering how to tackle this situation. How am I going to get out of this relationship with Danny without breaking his heart? Can you just end a relationship because of something you realized while asleep? Four years is a long time to spend with someone, just to break it off. Especially if the reason you’re breaking it off is because you had some sort of weird out of body experience.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Pea?” Danny asks, interrupting my train of thought. He really is so amazingly sweet. Danny takes excellent care of me but I can’t tell him any of this yet. Skylar and I need to have a long talk about all of this. Hopefully tomorrow when he comes, Danny won’t be here and we can get a few things hashed out.

“Oh, umm, nothing. I’m just thinking.”

“Thinking about ..?”

“It’s going to sound really weird, but I don’t feel like I’ve been asleep for seven weeks. I guess I had a lot of dreams, but all the feelings I had in my dream are real, even now that I’m awake. I wish I could make sense of everything,” I explain while I play with a lock of my hair. Danny’s known me far too long. He knows my tells and twirling my hair is one of them. I quickly put my hands in my lap, hoping he doesn’t notice and push further.

“Tell me about your dreams, Pea. What was it like?” Danny asks, leaning back in the chair and kicking his feet up on my bed. He looks genuinely interested. I’ve been caught. He won’t be so happy when I tell him.

I fidget in my bed, putting the pizza plate on the side table. I need to tell him something, but not everything; not until I figure the rest of this out tomorrow with Skylar. I decide to start with something he can understand without giving the biggest thing away.

“Danny, you died. In my dream, I mean, you died. I buried your body and grieved the loss of our love. It was horrible, one of the worst things that could ever happen,” I say, telling God’s honest truth. “Everything in my life changed. I had to learn how to live without you, breathe without you.” Remembering how I felt in my dream, the tears are welling up. Looking over at Danny, I can see a slight glaze building up, blurring the beautiful ocean blue of his eyes.

Danny puts his feet down, gets out of the chair and climbs into my bed; cradling me like I’m a child just as Skylar did moments ago. The position is similar but the feelings are completely different. I shift in his arms to lay my head on his shoulder.

“Pea, I’m right here. I know how scary this must all be for you. It was scary for us, too. Sky and I have been here almost the entire time you were sleeping,” he says, gently rubbing the back of my head, “But I’m here, so don’t worry. Okay?”

I nod my head in agreement even though the only thing I’m doing is worrying. Danny’s touch is comforting. It always was. But Skylar’s touch? It’s magical.

There used to be a time, I guess not too long ago, when Danny would touch me and I would feel a spark but with Skylar I feel a current; like being zapped by an electric fence. Sitting here with him now, having his hands on me, I don’t know what I feel. Guilt? I feel like I’m cheating on Skylar by allowing another man to touch me.

Letting out the emotions that have compounded my heart, I let the tears fall freely into my lap as Danny continues to hold me. Was Skylar right? Would it be wrong to hurt Danny? On the other hand, can I live my life in a marriage with one man, while I’m in love with another? There really is no right answer. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

As he reaches for the nightstand, a young looking woman comes in wearing a white lab coat and a badge on her lapel. I’m thinking she must be a med student. From what I remember of this hospital, the doctors are usually old and ugly, but not her. She’s gorgeous and I might be feeling a little jealous of her perfectly manicured nails, shiny dark hair and brown eyes, with a tinge of green mixed in. Just looking at her makes me realize that I’m in desperate need of a shower, some makeup and a nail appointment. I need out of this hospital.

“Good evening, Mira. I’m Dr. Byrum, the resident on duty tonight,” the young doctor says, while scrolling through a tablet. “The attending left a few notes in your chart that I wanted to go over with you and your boyfriend.”

Almost correcting her for referring to someone else, other than Skylar, as my boyfriend, I nod my head, giving her permission to continue.

“It looks like you’re going to be with us for a few weeks while we assess your condition. You were hurt pretty badly and we need to make sure that all of your injuries are healed. You are going to need some looking after once you leave. Is there somewhere you can go until the Physical Therapy Department releases you from their care?”

Before I can respond, Danny chimes in, “She’ll be discharged into my care.”

“Danny, really, I can go home with Kylee or go back to my mom’s. You don’t have to look after me,” I protest. I sense he feels a responsibility to take care of me but I don’t know if I can be trapped in a house with Danny and Skylar for God knows how long.

“Not a chance, Pea. I got you into this mess, I’m going to be your husband, and I will get you through this; it’s my job,” he says tenderly, as I inwardly cringe at the use of the word ‘husband’.

Letting the argument go for now, I ask the doctor to continue.

“As of right now, the attending would like you in our care for a minimum of one week. This may be extended, depending on the advancement of the atrophy you’ve been experiencing. Your vitals have remained on the above average side since you woke up, so I don’t expect there to be any further issues. You have been cleared to eat a regular diet, but I do suggest you take it easy for a few days to allow your body to get used to processing regular food through your digestive system, as opposed to a liquid diet through a feeding tube. You’re going to remain on IV fluids for the next 48 hours. We will start working with PT tomorrow morning, so we can get you out of this bed and walking. Do you have any questions?”

She says this after I eat my pizza? What the hell?

“I guess my only question would be, when will I start to feel like me again? I feel like these dreams I had while sleeping are almost reality. I understand they didn’t happen, but I know the emotions are real.”

“Mira, everyone has a different experience while in a coma. Some come out of a coma, knowing nothing about their surroundings or even who they are. You don’t seem to be experiencing any amnesia and you’re taking in everything around you exceptionally well. There really is no scientific reason to explain why you’re feeling the way you do, or even what you’re feeling. I’m going to go ahead and make a note to the hospital therapist to come and visit you some time in the coming days. He may be able to help you understand your feelings, since I can’t. I wouldn’t worry though. I’ve heard of many people coming out of a coma ready to seek the meaning of life.”

“Thank you for your time doctor,” I say, smiling at her as she moves toward the door.

“No need to thank me, Mira, it’s my job,” she says, pulling the door shut behind her.

Danny starts to clear the mess away from dinner while I’m still pondering the feelings in my heart versus the knowledge in my head. When the last of the trash is removed, Danny sits on the edge of my bed and leans in to kiss my forehead and I turn away from his touch.

“Pea, is everything alright?” The hurt in his eyes breaks my heart.

“Everything is fine,” I lie with a smile on my face, “I would just really like to be alone, if that’s okay? I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, but I think I just need some time to rest.”

“As long as everything is alright, I’m okay with it. I’ll go home and come back in the morning,” he says, finally getting the kiss to my head that he was seeking a few moments ago. Gathering his belongings, he leaves me to my solitude, but not before leaving my cell phone next to the bed, just in case I need him in the night.

After Danny has been gone about twenty minutes, I pick up my phone and start scrolling through pictures in my gallery. The last pictures that were taken are from graduation, and they look amazing. All of us—Skylar, Danny, Kylee and –myself—are standing in front of the Big House, in our cap and gowns, smiling like we don’t have a care in the world. There is something different about this picture, though; something I had never noticed –before—and probably would’ve never caught on –to—if my accident hadn’t occurred.

In the picture, standing to the far left is Danny, followed by me, Skylar and then Kylee. Danny and I are holding hands but standing about a foot apart, while Skylar and I are cheek to cheek and his arm is possessively wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me in tighter. Of course, Kylee is standing with a side –profile—one she always considered her good side, if that even –exists—with her face scrunched up like a duck, standing even further away from Skylar. If I were an outsider looking in, I would think that Skylar and I were the couple in this photograph with our best friends surrounding us.

Before I exit from of the gallery, I send the picture to CVS to have printed so I can frame it. I scroll through my contacts, find the person I’m looking for and send a quick text message.

Me – Hey. Can u come back to the hospital, please?

After a few minutes of no response, I lay the phone back next to me and start to drift off to sleep. Just when I’m at the point where the day’s exhaustion takes over my body, a notification for a text goes off. Unlocking my screen, I see one waiting text message.

Skylar – Mira, I need time. Ur mind has just played tricks on u for weeks while u were sleeping. As much as I want to be with u, I need time. I’m sry. U should call Danny.