Awakening

As I’m looking at him, he turns to face me, and I can see the arousal in his eyes. He casually licks his lips and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I smile and turn back to face the front of the elevator. I have him right where I want him.

When the elevator descends to the first floor, I’m smacked in the face with the gravity of my reality. Danny is waiting for the doors to open, with a huge smile on his face. Glancing back to Skylar, I see that he’s been smacked just as hard. Skylar’s Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, like he’s trying to swallow his feelings, and moves past me toward Danny.

CHAPTER THREE

Mira

“Hey guys. Are you ready to get out of here?” Danny asks, as I move to exit the elevator behind Skylar.

Taking a second glance at Skylar, I exit the elevator into the arms of my fate, unless I do something about it. I swear I hear Sky growl deep in his throat as Danny puts his arm around my shoulder to walk me out of the hospital, and to the waiting car out front.

As soon as I exit the hospital, the sun’s bright rays temporarily blind me. On instinct, I cover my eyes and try to nestle my face into Danny’s shoulder to block out the brightness. He immediately stops walking and pulls me into a tight embrace, misreading my signal. With the exception of one of my arms squished between our bodies, my other arm stays limp at my side, not reciprocating the hug. From the corner of my eye, I can see Skylar’s face and he doesn’t look pleased. Ok, more than not pleased, he looks f**king pissed.

There’s the f**king guilt, again. How completely f**ked is this?

I know I won’t be able to live in a house with Skylar while I finish healing. I can’t be with him day in and day out. That’s not fair to him and really not fair to me. I need to find a way to get over my feelings or act on them, because this shit is for the f**king birds.

The car ride is uncomfortably silent. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I never like riding in the back seat, but now, I’m glad I’m not sitting with either of them in the front. That would be torture.

“So, how is this guy that Kylee is dating? Is he a good guy?” I ask, in an attempt to break the deafening silence.

“He seems like a nice guy. He came with Kylee a few times to see you when you were sleeping. We had a few conversations but nothing too deep,” Danny responds, while Skylar stares out the passenger window.

“He’s in real estate right?” I ask.

“How did you know that? Jacoby or Kylee weren’t there that much when you were awake,” Danny responds, looking back at me in the rear view mirror while we’re stopped at a red light.

My expression must resemble a deer in headlights; Skylar and the therapist are the only ones I disclosed my dreams too. As I’m choking on my words, unable to get anything out, Skylar jumps in to save me.

“I told her last week. She was asking about him, so I gave her the cliff notes version of all that is Jacoby.”

“Oh, okay. That makes sense then,” Danny says, still sounding confused. It’s almost like he doesn’t believe that Skylar and I talked about something that I didn’t talk with him about until now.

I decide to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the ride home, which is only another few minutes since the boys live pretty close to the hospital. We pull up in front of a home that is so familiar to me, but yet seems like such a distant part of my past. My car is parked on the curb.

“What’s my car doing here?” I ask, completely confused.

“I didn’t know if you would want it. You can’t drive yet, but when you can, I wanted you to have it,” Danny responds, his voice full of hope and compassion.

“Oh, okay.” I’m void of any emotion; other than worry.

I stand at the bottom of the three short steps, although it might as well be a hundred, really not wanting to go in. I would rather be home with Kylee or at my mom’s house. I know in my gut this isn’t right. You know that feeling that you get just before everything goes to shit? Yeah, that’s what this feels like. Sighing, I begin my incline.

Danny comes in behind me and moves toward his bedroom with my things. Apparently Kylee had brought some of my other stuff over so I have it until I’m well enough to go home and be on my own. Looking around the living space, it looks so different, like something is missing; I can’t put my finger on it.

“What’s different in here?” I ask, to nobody in particular.

“What do you mean?” Skylar asks. I should have known he was close. You know that almost nonexistent sound that an electrical current makes? That’s what I hear every time he’s within close proximity of my body.

“I don’t know. It’s just different; like something’s missing.”

“The only thing that has changed in the last two months was Trevor moving out. He took a job in Grand Rapids and moved out about three weeks after the accident. He took some of his furniture with him and we had to get a new TV. Danny actually went out and bought it a few days ago. He wanted to make sure that you had a nice big TV to watch while we’re working.” There’s my dream coming up to bite me in the ass again. That explains me thinking Kylee moved away to Grand Rapids.

“I guess I could say I already knew that. Not that he went to Grand Rapids, but that he moved out. Did you tell me that?” I ask Skylar.

“Yeah, I think I did while you were sleeping. This is really weird, you know that right?”

“You have no f**king idea how weird it actually is. I think I remember a lot more, too,” I say as Danny walks into the living room.

Danny stands behind me and puts his arms around my waist while placing a few small kisses to the nape of my neck. I hate this feeling. I feel terrible. I’m promised to one man while in love with another. If I would have just realized my feelings for Skylar earlier, nobody would be in this mess. I’m going to break Danny’s heart.

Danny is my constant. His love and support got me through college. He pushed me to do better, to be better. And how do I repay him? I fall in love with his best friend. Our best friend. I just need a break from this.

“Danny, did Trevor leave his bed when he moved out?”

“Yeah, he did. Why?”

“I really think it would be best that I sleep alone for a while. Not that I’m not grateful for everything that you’re doing for me,” I say, stopping to look at Skylar, “That you’re both doing for me. But I really do just want to be by myself for a while, if that’s okay?”

Both boys are just staring at each other, confused.

“I guess if you want to sleep in there, I don’t care. I just want you to be happy and get better. If you think that will help, I’ll move your stuff in there right now,” Danny answers, sadness laced in his voice.

FUCK! I’m doing exactly what I didn’t want to do; hurting this amazing man.

Doing exactly as he said he would, Danny breaks our embrace and goes back to his bedroom. Skylar is just standing in front of me, staring like I’m insane. A few moments later, Danny is carrying my belongings into the spare room that used to be Trevor’s. My new room is situated between Danny and Skylar’s room with a bathroom directly across the hall. Just thinking of being able to see directly into the bathroom gives me the chills and sends a jolt of energy straight to my core. I wonder if Skylar looks as sexy in the shower in real life as he did in my dream?

“What are you doing, Mira?” Skylar asks, breaking me from my trance.

“What? I’m staying in Trevor’s old room. I won’t be here long, so why get used to it?” I answer too quickly and wonder if he can read my mind.

“No. Really. What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing?” Skylar harshly whispers, standing a few inches from my face and sending a slight shiver down my spine.

“I can’t sleep with him, Sky. I just can’t,” I whisper, inhaling sharply, trying to get his scent burned into my memory.

“That’s your fiancé, Mira. Don’t you see how weird this is? He’s going to know something is wrong if he doesn’t already.”

“Something is wrong. This isn’t how my life is supposed to be. I’m supposed to be yours, and you’re supposed to be mine.”

His breath hitches and I can see the vein in the side of his neck pulsing with every beat of his heart. I know he’s just as affected by me as I am by him.

“I can’t do this. I can’t hurt him. He is, and has been, my best friend forever. You need to get over whatever you think you feel. You and I have never been more than friends. Granted, we’re very good friends, but that’s the extent of our relationship. We are nothing more.”

“Do you really believe that? Do you feel that in your soul?” I ask, desperate for the answer that I’m looking for.

Skylar doesn’t answer me. Instead, he shakes his head and walks to his bedroom. He slams the door so hard I feel it in my bones. I sense the tears welling in my eyes, ready for the dam to break any second. I suck it up and walk to my home away from home and see Danny unpacking a suitcase filled with my personal affects. He’s making such an effort to make me feel like I belong that he had Kylee pack up some of my pictures and keepsakes from over the years.

Danny pulls a shoebox from the bottom of the bag and places it on the bed.

“Ky said that you have a few things in here that you really treasure. I know you feel weird still and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know you’re not exactly excited about living here for the time being, so I wanted to make this as much like your room at your apartment as I could.”

The walls of the dam crumble and the well of emotion is free to flow. This is one of the reasons that I fell so in love with Danny. He’s so thoughtful and caring, not moody and stoic like Skylar. Danny loves me with everything he has in him. He gives me his all each and every day.

“Pea, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“No, no, I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because you’re so wonderful. You always know exactly what I need, even before I know I need it. Thank you,” I say as I grip him in a hug.

“I’m really happy you’re not dead.” Against my better judgment, I’m nuzzling my face into his chest, honestly grateful he’s still alive. It’s not his fault I’m a complete clusterfuck.

“Pea, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’m just sorry that I got you into this mess. We should have taken the car. I shouldn’t have put you on my bike. I will never make that mistake again.” Danny’s body is trembling. I know he’s fighting his emotions. A part of me is grateful he’s trying to stay strong because I don’t know how I would feel watching him break down.

“Please don’t say that, I love the bike. I remember that day. I wanted to ride with you. I wanted to go on the bike. You were just doing what I asked.” I pull away from the hug and try to look at Danny. He has his eyes closed so tight, I can make out every wrinkle on his eyelids.

“I swear it to you, Pea. Never again. I’m not even going to get it fixed. I’m going to take the money from the insurance settlement and put it in savings for our future. We’ll have a down payment for a house or something.”

Shit. As much as I don’t want to have this conversation right now, I have to before he makes any kind of decision. I love him, but until I get everything figured out in my head and more importantly my heart, I can’t be a part of this engagement.

“Do you think we can put this whole marriage thing on the back burner for a little while? I guess this whole near death experience thing has made me want to enjoy things as they come. I just don’t want to rush. I want to get to know myself again because I feel like my entire world is slipping out from under me. Does that make sense?” I pray he can understand and not be upset with me.

Looking at me like I just kicked his puppy, I feel even worse that I did an hour ago, if that’s even possible. Surprisingly, he responds with something I wasn’t anticipating and it knocked the wind out of me.

“Did Skylar tell you about Melissa?”

Head. Is. Spinning.

“No, who is Melissa?” I have no room to be upset with him but I can’t help the instant pang of jealousy. Did he cheat on me? When I was near death? Did I mean so little to him? My mind is running in so many different directions, I have to sit on the bed to keep from falling over.

“A girl I met while you were in a coma. She was visiting her grandfather and we ran into each other a few times,” Danny says, looking at the ground, the walls, the ceiling. Basically anywhere but my eyes.

“What the hell is going on? What the f**k am I missing?” This is so out of character for Danny. In the last four years, I have never questioned his fidelity and he’s never given me a reason to do so. Even with my feelings for Skylar, I haven’t done anything to make him question me. This is so out of left field, I don’t even know where to begin my train of thought.

I move from the closet to the foot of the bed, begging him with my eyes to tell me what’s going on. I’m at a point where I know I’m going to combust soon. There are too many questions running through my mind and so much doubt in regards to his love for me, where there was none before. I should be happy. I should be praying for the worst case scenario. Am I getting a way out?

“You’re not missing anything, Mira. I didn’t do anything. I met her about three weeks after the accident. She was very kind and sweet. We talked and she was helping me understand what I would be dealing with if you woke up. When you woke up. I was losing hope. The doctors weren’t giving me anything positive to go on,” Danny begs me to understand. He runs his hands through his hair and looks panicked, like he’s getting ready to drop a bomb. “I just developed a bond with her. Skylar thought it was inappropriate and I asked him not to say anything to you, until I could talk to you, that’s it. I just thought he told you, since you’re all about putting our life on hold.”