Bang Bang(25)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Sergio fell silent then turned on his heel, but not before having one last word. “I did you a favor. Don’t let me down.”

“You suck at pep talks.” I winced as I felt a headache coming on. “But as a brother… you’re not awful.”

“Nicest thing anyone’s said to me.” He chuckled and walked off.

Leaving me alone with the cows and a useless gun. I didn’t know what to say to Amy to fix it. I told her I was going to fight for her, but how do you fight against someone’s insecurities? I knew she would assume that I had it planned all along. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel trapped, but marriage? Damn, it sounded good. Anything with her sounded good.

I glanced back at the house. I had to find her, kiss her, make her stay.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Amy

“HOW ARE YOU holding up?” Phoenix sat down next to me on the large white leather couch and handed me the remote. Apparently staring at a blank TV was frowned upon in that house. I pressed the On button and looked back down at my hands.

“Football. Nice. Who’s your team?”

“Huh?” I looked up at the screen. “My team?”

“You turn on ESPN you sure as hell better have a football team.”

“Uh…” I wracked my brain trying to think of a team. “Blue Jays?”

“Baseball, try again.”

“Bulls?”

“Basketball.”

“Ants?”

He laughed. He was really good looking when he smiled. Less haunted, more human. “Now you’re just making shit up.”

“I don’t watch TV.”

“No sports, no TV, what did you do to entertain yourself?”

What was with the sudden twenty questions? I squirmed in my seat and shrugged.

“Total first grade answer, the shoulder shrug. Sergio says more words to me and I’m pretty sure he dreams nightly about what it would feel like to knife me in the back, so try again, doll.”

“Doll?”

“I’m an old soul.” He looked heavenward and winced. “So… did you read books?”

“I read textbooks.”

“Like the dictionary?”

“Yeah I like big words.”

“Was that a joke?” He smiled wider and reached for me, slowly tilting my chin towards him so we were face to face. “It will get better you know.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The pain.” He didn’t release my chin, didn’t allow me to avert my eyes, just kept talking in low soothing tones. “One day you’ll wake up… and you won’t hear your parents screaming. You won’t flinch when you hear glass breaking. You won’t duck when someone puts their arm around you.” He released my chin and placed his hand on my shoulder. “Like I said, it gets better. Those people, the ones who were just in this room stomping around and waving guns? They’re a real family. It’s hard sometimes, when you come from violence, to understand the difference between protection and violence. What they do is protect. They don’t shoot because it’s the first option. They shoot because it’s the only option. Get it?”

I nodded, slowly. Still a bit confused. “But you guys kill people. Ax almost died because of it.”

“Look.” Phoenix sighed. “I’m not saying we’re perfect, God knows the De Langes are seriously damned to Hell, all of us.” His face shadowed. “But we’re trying to do better. Mil’s picked up the family and she’s done a hell of a job. What happened to Ax should have never happened. What happened to you should have never happened. The innocent—” His voice cracked. “—should always stay innocent.” His entire face went tight, his jaw cracked as he clenched and unclenched it.

“What happened? To you?”

Phoenix looked away. “I died and was reborn.” His eyes met mine briefly. “Any other part of the story isn’t something I ever want you to hear from my mouth. I don’t want to be the reason you’re afraid of us, and believe me when I say my story… isn’t one that you should ever have to hear.”

“And if I want to?”

“Football.” Phoenix turned up the volume, ending our conversation. “One thing you should know. All men love football. Pick a team, wear the colors, chant their name, and be sure it’s not Ax’s team, it will piss him off.”

“What will piss me off?” Ax said coming into the room.

“That’s my cue.” Phoenix stood. “Play nice, children.”

Ax rolled his eyes as Phoenix brushed past him. When his gaze met mine, I immediately looked away. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do? Or was it him? Was it his job to start the conversation?

I braced myself for a speech, a really long Ax type speech. Instead, he held out his hand and said. “Take a walk with me.”

With blind trust — a blind trust I’d had since Ax had promised to be my best friend forever — I grabbed his hand and didn’t let go. He led me outside and around the back of the house.

To a field.

We were staring at a field.

“What do you see?” he asked, not releasing my hand, but running his thumb slowly over my skin, causing goose bumps to erupt across my flesh.

I swallowed and found my voice. “Cows.”

He nodded and kept caressing my hand. Tears stung my eyes as I tried to fight all the emotions swelling within me. My world was changed — altered. It was suddenly so foreign I wasn’t sure where I fit anymore. Before I was trying to survive, get through another day, make who I thought was dead, proud of me.

And now I was facing every single dream I’d ever had head on. But the story hadn’t exactly followed a natural order, then again there was nothing natural about the Abandonato family.

“What do you see?” I finally asked, breaking the silence between us.

“Anything and everything.” Ax sighed. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, his jaw was flexed, but his eyes, they looked… relaxed as if he really was staring at something off in the distance, whatever that something was, it brought him peace, you could just tell. “But most of all.” He turned to face me. “I see you.”

“In a field?” I stepped back; he stepped forward. There was no fighting it, so I stayed put when he finally wrapped his arms around my body and crushed me against his hard chest.

“I see you everywhere,” Ax whispered, his breath tickling my face. “I see you in the fields, in the sky, in a stranger’s laughter. I see you — but most of all — I see us, Ames. I see us holding hands, not a year from now, twenty years from now. I’ve lived my whole life waiting… waiting for the right moment to be with you. You’ve always been my somebody — the person I’d die for, the person I’d live for, the person I look for. It’s always been you. So marriage? It was coming. Fight it all you want, but there is no chance in hell I’m letting you go. Ever. You run, I chase. You cry. I fix. You fight. I take the punches. Try your damndest to push me away, try me, Ames. I wouldn’t blame you if you did, but it would sure save a hell of a lot of energy if you just gave in.”