Be Mine at Christmas(19)
Author: Brenda Novak

“No.” She tucked her hair behind one ear, giving him the impression she was stalling, thinking. “I—having you there, touching me, kissing me…it got the better of me, that’s all. I knew I shouldn’t let myself be swept away. But it’d been so long since I’d made love…and it’ll probably be a long time before I do it again.”

Matt felt as if she’d kicked him in the stomach. “You’re saying it wasn’t necessarily me you wanted. I just happened to come along and I could provide what had been missing from your life?”

“Matt, I’m dealing with a lot right now. I can’t worry about my own needs and desires. Like I said, that got the best of me, but now I’ve got to—”

“The other night you said my name as if I was the only man in the world,” he interrupted. “You arched into me as if you’d abandon your soul to me, too, if you could.”

Her jaw dropped as she gaped at him. “What do you want me to say?” she replied. “That I wish circumstances were different? That I wish we had a chance? Because I do. I want to make love with you right now. It’s all I can do to keep from reliving those minutes, to keep from wanting you again! But—”

Matt’s body had reacted instantly to her passionate words. He wanted the same thing. Here on the couch, on the table, anywhere. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so desperate for another woman. “But?” he echoed.

“There’s something I have to tell you.”

The gravity in her voice made him uneasy. But she’d already insisted she wasn’t married. Twice. So, as far as he could see, what she had to say couldn’t be too bad. Nothing big enough to come between them, anyway. “What’s that?” he asked.

She hugged herself as if she were almost too frightened to proceed. He was tempted to reach out and pull her to him, to comfort her, but he waited.

“Kayla isn’t really my daughter,” she said. “I—I was lying about that. She came to live with me fifteen months ago.”

He blinked. That was surprising but certainly not devastating.

“She feels like my daughter. I love her like a daughter.”

He would’ve felt relieved, except the tears filling Angela’s eyes kept him a little off balance. “Of course you do,” he said gently. “I understand.”

“No, you don’t.” She wrung her hands as the tears spilled down her cheeks. “You see…there was no man who walked out on us. She—she’s Stephanie’s daughter.”

He tried that on for size. This was supposed to be the big shocker? That Angela was raising Stephanie’s daughter? He hoped so, because it didn’t take longer than a split second to realize he could love Kayla regardless of what he felt for Stephanie. It actually made sense. Stephanie was much more likely to get herself in trouble than Angela, who’d been cautious even back in high school.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’m cool with that.”

She dashed a hand across her face. “I’m not finished.”

Sliding closer, he took her hand. “Whatever you have to say, it’s going to be fine.”

She closed her eyes. “Kayla’s grandmother was raising her. I—I took her to live with me when her grandmother died.”

“Why didn’t Stephanie step up?” he asked. “You said she was in Denver, in sales or something.”

She opened her eyes and her hand gripped his like a lifeline. “Stephanie’s a heroin addict, Matt. The only thing she sells is her body. She—she’s not the person I once knew. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that it’s not safe for Kayla to be around her.”

“Wow.” He reached out to smooth the hair from her forehead. “I’m sorry to hear that. Sorry for you and for Kayla. But it doesn’t change what’s between us.”

Her forehead creased in a troubled expression. “Remember that party?” she asked.

“What party?”

“In high school.”

That party. With Stephanie naked. Where he’d had one of his first sexual encounters. Sexual encounters…

Fear struck and Matt dropped her hand. “Yes?”

Angela looked bereft, as if she’d reach out to him, but didn’t. “Matt, I brought Kayla here because she belongs to you.”

Matt rocked back and pressed both hands to his chest, hardly able to breathe. How had Kayla gone from being Angela’s daughter to being his daughter in just a few seconds? His and Stephanie’s, who was now a prostitute and a drug addict!

“It…it can’t be true,” he said softly because his voice wouldn’t go any louder.

“It is true,” she insisted. “Stephanie wanted to get pregnant. She thought she’d finally be able to have you if she did. But when Betty found out what she was up to, she yanked us both out of school and we moved. Betty didn’t want it to ruin your life. She knew how unfair it was to you, your family, your girlfriend, everyone.”

He shook his head, still unable to believe what he was hearing. He’d slept with Stephanie once! And she’d drugged him to get that far. Now Angela was telling him he had a twelve-year-old daughter?

What do you want for Christmas?… I’d like to find my dad….

God! A blinding rage suddenly took hold of him and he shot to his feet. “You knew and yet…you came here, all the while knowing…You let me—” He stopped. Too many thoughts and feelings were assaulting him. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He felt so…manipulated. Then and now.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He stalked to the window so he wouldn’t have to look at her and stared out. It was snowing again, coming down so thick he couldn’t see more than a foot in front of him. What was he supposed to think? What was he supposed to do?

“What do you want from me?” he asked after a long silence.

She didn’t answer right away. When he finally turned, she was standing and had her purse clutched tightly in her hands. “Nothing,” she said. “I—I just thought you should know.”

“Does she know?” he asked.

Angela shook her head. “I decided it’d be smarter to tell you first. This way…nothing has to change. I have everything I need to take care of her. But I…I didn’t want to steal anything from you. Or take anything from her if…if you felt differently. That’s all.”