Beautiful Sacrifice (The Maddox Brothers #3)(53)
Author: Jamie McGuire

“Keep walking,” I said. “These guys are not going to put up with your shit for much longer.”

I glanced over at Taylor, who was staring a hole into the kid’s forehead.

The bushy-faced stranger startled, seeming to just notice that our giant was still standing there, and he stumbled off without another word.

Gunnar relaxed. “We’d better get a move on, Kirby. I’ve decided I’m too tired to go anywhere.”

She giggled at him. “We’re already an old married couple.” She hugged me good-bye. “See you Monday.”

I watched the couple walk to their truck while Taylor eyed the group of drunken boys stumbling down the street. He pushed his tailgate closed and then followed me to the Bucksaw.

Once inside, I shook out my hair and rubbed my hands together as I climbed the stairs. Taylor was quiet but trying hard to be in a better mood. I tried to chat about anything other than moving in together in Estes Park. Taylor would nod and smile when appropriate. The longer I talked, the more his smiles seemed forced, and that only made me angry.

When he saw the irritated look on my face, his grin vanished. “C’mon, Falyn. I said I don’t want to spend the weekend fighting.”

“Just because you’re pretending not to be mad doesn’t mean you’re not upset.”

He looked forward, clearly struggling to rein in his temper. “I got a package yesterday.”

I quietly waited, too aggravated to give in just yet.

“I told my dad you had a VCR. He sent me a tape.” Taylor stood up and went to the counter where he’d left his backpack. He unzipped it and pulled out a VHS tape, holding it up. “Spaceballs. Growing up, I used to watch this with my brothers almost every weekend. It was Tommy’s favorite.”

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s watch it.”

Taylor’s eyes brightened, softening my anger. Leaning down in front of the television, he slipped the tape from the sleeve and pushed it into the VCR. When he returned to the couch, he put his hand on my knee, smiling the moment the opening credits began. It was a real smile, something he’d been finding hard to do when around me anymore.

The movie was the perfect distraction, allowing us to spend time together without talking, to sit together without addressing the problem.

Once the ending credits rolled, I left Taylor for the bathroom to take a shower. I pulled the curtain closed, relieved not to be in the same room with him for a while.

Does that mean I’m not ready to move in?

As I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair, I cursed myself for knowing exactly how many times I had thought I couldn’t be away from Taylor one more day and how many times I had lain in bed while wishing to God he were with me.

Unbelievable. I was annoying myself.

I rinsed the soap off my skin and stepped out onto the bath mat, wrapping the towel around me. The mirror was fogged, so all I could see was a fuzzy shape that was supposed to be me. It was exactly the way I felt. Everything was blurry.

I slipped an oversized T-shirt and crawled into bed next to Taylor, but he wasn’t eager to get my nightgown off of me like usual. Instead, he pulled my back against his bare chest and held me while we both fought the urge to say anything more on the subject.

His body heat seared through my nightgown, and I melted against him. He had already warmed the mattress and the sheets. I wanted him there. Sometimes, I needed it. Going to bed alone after spending even one night with him was miserable.

“Falyn,” Taylor said from behind, his voice sounding distant.

“Yes?”

“I just …” He sighed. “I just want to be with you.”

“I know. I want that, too.”

“Just not as much as I do. Maybe not at all.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered. “We just need a plan, and we’ll make one. But it doesn’t have to be tonight.”

He touched his forehead to the back of my shoulder. “How much longer do you want to wait? Just so I have an idea.”

I mulled over his question in my mind. I couldn’t say exactly what was keeping me from giving Taylor exactly what he wanted, but I needed more time to find out. “This summer. Can you give me until then?”

“To make a plan?”

“To move.”

He pushed himself up on his elbow, hovering over me. “To Estes Park?”

I nodded.

He eyed me for a moment. “You sure?”

“I’m nervous about it.”

“Okay, let’s talk. What are you nervous about?”

“Change and … I don’t know, Taylor. Something feels off. I can’t put my finger on it.”

Taylor looked wounded.

“It’s not you. Or us. Something is just bugging me about it, like it’s not right.”

“I’ll make it right,” he said without hesitation. “I just need you to take a leap of faith. Not even a leap. More like a hop.”

I touched his face. He had so much hope in his eyes.

“Why do you want me to move in with you? We’ve been together less than a year, and you’ve never been in a serious relationship before. You just know?”

“I’m sure that I love you. I’m sure that being away from you drives me insane. That’s all I need to know.”

“I can’t argue that the distance sucks. If you can commute for three more months, I’ll hop. That will give Phaedra time to find and train someone.”

Taylor exhaled as if the wind had been knocked out of him, and then a small smile curled up his lips. “I’ll apply for the station job this week.”

He shook his head in awe of my huge gesture. He had no words, so he leaned down and touched his lips to mine, slow at first. Then he touched his hands to my cheeks, and my mouth parted.

We celebrated between the sheets for hours, and halfway into the night, I collapsed next to him. Within minutes, he was asleep.

As his breathing evened out, I lay awake, staring at the ceiling. The uncertainty and guilt swirled in my stomach, making me feel sick. I had overturned my life once before and survived.

Why does moving in with my best friend, with the man I love, seem more frightening than leaving my parents while penniless?

I rubbed my temple, feeling as blurry as my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I’d thought maybe if I made a decision, that feeling would go away, but my experiment was an utter failure. The uneasiness became worse. The harder I tried to understand my feelings, the less it made sense. There was something we needed to talk about, something that was still in the way.