Beautiful Sacrifice (The Maddox Brothers #3)(62)
Author: Jamie McGuire

“Last week. When I was in San Diego.”

I shrugged again. “So, you got drunk?”

The worry that had been in his eyes all day, the dread, even some of the things he’d said now made sense.

My lips parted as the truth set in.

“Baby, I swear to God, I didn’t know we were still together. That’s not an excuse because I shouldn’t have done it anyway.”

“What did you do?” I asked, scooting away from him and covering myself with the corner of the comforter. The question had two meanings.

“I went to some dive bar with Thomas. I was upset, and I got as fucking plastered as I could. Thomas left, and I stayed.”

“You went home with someone.”

“I … the bar was across the street from Thomas’s place. She came back with me.”

“So, he knows,” I said, rolling my eyes at my own words. “Of course he knows. He didn’t want you to tell me.”

“He didn’t believe you’d forgive me.”

“I won’t.”

Taylor’s mouth popped open, and then he moved toward me.

I hopped off the bed, yanking the comforter until Taylor stood and I could take it with me. “I admit that what I did was shitty. I have no excuse. It was an awful way to make sure you knew what you were getting into. But you …” I touched my forehead. “You said you were thinking about it. You were thinking about our future and whether you wanted to be with me despite the fact that I’m barren. And you go fuck someone? How exactly did that help your process?”

He stood up, slipped a pair of shorts on, and took a step toward me.

I held out my hand, palm out, and then pointed at him. “Don’t touch me.”

His shoulders sagged. “Please don’t hate me. I thought I was going to go nuts last week. I can’t go through that again, Falyn. I can’t fucking do it.” His voice broke.

I sat down on the bed, staring at nothing in front of me. “Well, I can’t either. So, now what?”

He sat next to me. “You can’t what?”

“Do this.” I looked over at him. “I can’t stay with you now. It’s not fair for you to even ask.”

“You’re right. It’s not. But I don’t give a fuck. I can’t lose you again.”

“Thomas didn’t want you to tell me, but you did anyway. Why?”

“I was going to tell you. I had to before we—”

“You didn’t use anything?”

“I can’t remember,” he said, ashamed.

I made a disgusted face and then wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek.

“You promised you’d stay,” he said.

“You promised you wouldn’t.”

“I’m an idiot. That was a stupid thing to do. I admit it. But I didn’t go to San Diego to cheat on you. Despite being a complete asshole and trying to distract myself with the first chick who showed me attention, I do love you.”

“We were both stupid.”

“You were trying to do the right thing. I didn’t understand at first, but you were right. It would have been hard for me to make a decision to essentially break up with you if I decided I wanted kids.”

I stood up, and he startled.

“What are you doing?” he said, panic in his voice.

“Getting dressed. I think it’s safe to say the moment has passed.”

I left him for the bathroom, dragging the comforter along with me. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, thankful he hadn’t let me go down on him. He would have to get tested for STDs. Just when I’d thought the hard part was behind us, everything had become more complicated.

I dried my face with a towel, and then the tears came. As I cried silently into the lush cloth, everything he’d said and done since I arrived along with the drunk text all made sense. He’d practically admitted it to me then. He had made a huge mistake, but until now, he was the only one who had lost trust. I was just as capable of breaking his heart, and I didn’t need to sleep with someone else to do it.

I returned, wearing one of Taylor’s T-shirts as a nightgown, carrying the rolled up comforter in my arms. He was still sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands.

“I’m going to stay,” I said. “We have a lot to work out. But don’t make me feel like I need to console you. When you’re around me, you’re going to have to suck it up.”

He nodded and pushed himself back until he was at the head of the bed. He watched me fan out the blanket, and then I turned down the covers on my side of the bed.

“Can I hold you?” he asked.

“No,” I said simply, lying down and turning my back to him.

I couldn’t fall asleep. I heard every noise from his every breath and sigh and every movement he made. The air conditioner eventually kicked on as I stared at the cracks in the walls and then the ceiling. We had spent enough nights together that I knew he wasn’t asleep, too, just by the way he breathed, but we lay there, not speaking, not touching, both of us feeling tortured.

Chapter Twenty-One

It seemed like I had just dozed off when the birds outside began to chirp and squawk. Taylor sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, signaling that he was still asleep.

I crept out of bed, put on my swimsuit, cover-up, and hat, and I grabbed my sunglasses and phone before sneaking outside.

“Oh. Hey,” Travis said. “Are you going down to the beach?”

I nodded. “You?”

He shook his head. “Headed to Thomas’s room before they leave. They have an early flight.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, maybe I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

Before I could take another step, Travis said, “Falyn? You make Taylor really happy. He didn’t just tell me that the other night, but it’s all over his face. Don’t let any boneheaded thing he might pull get in the way of that.”

My stomach sank. “Does everyone know?”

“Does everyone know what?” he asked.

I winced. “Nothing. Congratulations.” I passed him, trying not to run down the stairs.

I was the only one on the long stairway and the first one on the beach. The front row of loungers was free, so I picked one in the middle and relaxed.

Ten minutes later, another couple arrived. The sky changed gradually from black to dark blue to light blue, and then a spray of colors was cast across the sky, revealing the ocean and everything else the sunlight touched.