Believe (True Believers #3)(8)
Author: Erin McCarthy

Not good. Or damn good, depending on how I looked at it.

But just to be sure, and in control, instead of answering, I slammed my fist into Riley’s boxing bag at the bottom of the stairs and felt the adrenaline rush through me.

Only drug I’ve ever needed. Pain.

Chapter Three

Robin

“Thanks for doing that,” Tyler said to me as he drove me home. “You know, it’s cool for Easton to feel kinda special.”

“Sure. I was happy to do it.” I felt my phone vibrate in my lap, and I pulled it out, seeing it was another text from Phoenix. I hadn’t saved him as a contact yet but I knew it was him. I had sent him a kitten pic back in response to his honey badger video. Just a fluffy white kitten with a black mane of fur around its face. It was the first kitten I found when I did an online search and it didn’t actually say anything. It was just the kitten drinking from a tall glass of milk.

I opened the text. It said, Is this you? I see the resemblance.

Furry? I tapped back.

Milk drinker.

Feeling like I might smile when I shouldn’t, I shoved the phone back in my pocket without responding. But I did ask Tyler, “What’s the deal with your cousin?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is he . . . I don’t know . . . nice?” That wasn’t what I wanted to ask exactly but I didn’t know how to really express myself.

But something about what I said seemed to tip Tyler off. He turned and glanced at me. “Oh, no. No, no, and no. You are not allowed to be interested in my cousin.”

“Why?” I asked, stung by his vehemence. “Not that I am, but I mean, I know I’m like a total mess and I’m not exactly hot these days but . . .” I stopped speaking, appalled by what was coming out of my mouth. And because there was no “but.” I could no longer claim to be a fun party girl, or a loyal friend, or someone with a healthy dose of self-respect and confidence. I had none of those things anymore.

Nor did I bother doing my nails or getting a bikini wax or wearing anything other than saggy jean shorts and huge T-shirts anymore either.

“Robin, that is not what I meant, Christ.” Tyler shook his head. “I meant you are way too nice of a girl to be getting involved with him. Phoenix, well, he has problems.”

Didn’t we all.

“What kind of problems?”

“Big ones. He just . . . it’s just . . .” Tyler shook his head. “Just don’t go there with him, seriously. You’ll regret it.”

“But he’s your cousin,” I said, my phone vibrating again to remind me I hadn’t answered Phoenix’s text. “And I’m not going anywhere. I was just asking about him.”

“I care about Phoenix. I do. But he’s not easy to get close to.”

“What do you think about his girlfriend? Angel?” I knew I should have dropped the subject, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I was morbidly curious.

“I’d never even met her before tonight. But he usually picks head cases. Like his mother. Freud would have something to say about that.”

“Freud was full of shit,” I said, because I was annoyed with the whole conversation. I didn’t want to be talked out of feeling a little twinge of pleasure at the fact that Phoenix had shown interest in me. Whether it was just to be friends, or something more, was irrelevant. I just wanted someone to look at me, in all my pale, non-drinking glory, and think I was someone they wanted to talk to. That’s all.

“You know you’re going to have to move into the house you all rented,” Tyler said, totally changing the subject. “Unless you’re mad at Rory or Kylie, there is no reason you can’t. So either clear the air or drop the whole thing.”

I bit my fingernail, and stared out the car window as we pulled into the driveway of the house we had rented for the school year. “I’m not mad at anyone.” Except myself.

“Then why do you want to move out?” Tyler parked the car and stared at me. “Seriously.”

“I don’t know,” I lied. It wasn’t even a lie of effort. It was just a lame shrug off.

But Tyler didn’t let it go. “It’s because of Kylie, isn’t it?” he asked.

Startled, I turned to him, my heart rate kicking up a notch. “What do you mean?”

“Look, Robin, I saw you and Nathan making out at the Shit Shack at that party that night, the one where Riley got into it with the frat dude. You were in his car and you were kissing and I saw it.”

Mortification caused a blush to stain my cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t remember that,” I told him honestly. “I blacked out that night.”

“But you know you did, don’t you?” Tyler held out his hand. “Look, I haven’t said anything to anyone, not even Rory, so just be honest with me.”

“Please don’t,” I begged him, terrified he would tell the truth and Kylie would be devastated and everyone would hate me. “I would never do that sober, I would never hurt Kylie. I feel awful about it. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, and that’s why I can’t live there. I can’t even look at Kylie without thinking I am the worst sort of friend ever.”

Tyler drummed his fingers on the wheel, taking one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it out the open window. “It was just that one time, right?” he asked.

“Yes.” I nodded vehemently. “It was vodka, plain and simple. It will never happen ever again.”

“And that’s why you haven’t been drinking.”

“Exactly.” I looked at the house, tears welling up in my eyes. “I just can’t act like nothing happened . . .”

“But you have to,” Tyler told me. “You have to try to be normal or it’s all going to come puking out and then Kylie will just be hurt. You know Jess. She’s like a dog with a freaking bone. She won’t let this go. So the best thing to do is to stay in the house like you planned. That way you won’t f**k Kylie over twice by sticking her with extra rent, too.”

“I was going to pay the rent,” I protested weakly, stung by his use of the phrase “fuck Kylie over.” It was the truth, the unintentional truth, and it was horrible.

“Robin.” Tyler’s voice softened. “We all make mistakes. Don’t make another one.”

“This wasn’t a small mistake.” I dug my fingernails into my thighs, wanting the distraction so I wouldn’t cry.