Beneath This Man

‘Let go of the door.’ he yells.

‘What are you going to do?’

He immediately lets up on the pressure and looks at me through the glass with slight concern etched on his face. ‘What do you think I’m going to do?’

‘I don’t know.’ I lie. I know exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to hit me with a sense f**k. My busy hands pushing up against the door prevent my fingers from delving into my hair. His trepidation seems to intensify and the pressure on the door lessens further. I take advantage and slam it shut, flipping the lock.

His mouth drops open. ‘You didn’t just do that.’ He tries the handle of the door and I step back. ‘Ava, open the door.’ he orders. I shake my head. His bare chest starts heaving violently. ‘Ava, you know how it makes me feel if I can’t lay my hands on you. Open the door.’

‘No, tell me we can discuss our wedding reasonably.’

‘We were.’ He tries the handle again and the door shakes. ‘Ava, please, open the door.’

‘No, we weren’t discussing it, Jesse. You were telling me how it’s going to be. You’ve really never had a relationship, have you?’

‘No. I’ve told you this.’

‘I can tell. You’re shit at it.’

His anxious, green eyes flip to mine. ‘I love you.’ he says softly, like that explains everything. ‘Please, open the door.’

‘Do you agree?’ I ask. I’ve never had this power over him. I know how much he hates not being able to get to me and this is taking advantage of his weakness, but it’s the only weakness I know, so if I have to use it, then I will, especially for something of this magnitude.

His teeth are going ten to the dozen on his bottom lip as he mulls over my demand. He sighs. ‘I agree. Open the door.’ He grasps the handle, but then I think of something else – something that will have cause for another countdown later. I may as well kill two birds with one stone.

‘I’m going out with Kate later.’ I say daringly.

His eyes bulge, as I knew they would. ‘What?’

‘Last night, I told you that I was going out with Kate.’ I remind him.

‘And? Open the door.’

‘You can’t stop me from seeing my friend. If I’m going to marry you, it’s not so you can control my every move. I’m going out with Kate later and you’re going to let me…without a fuss.’ My voice is calm and assertive when inside I’m bracing myself for a sense f**king to rival all those that have come before.

‘You’re pushing your luck, lady.’ His jaw clenches, and I exhale a weary breath.

I’m pushing my luck because I want to go out with my friend? I turn my back on him and take myself to the weights bench, sitting down and making myself comfortable. I’m not opening that door until he relents, so I might be here a while.

‘Ava, what are you doing? Open the f**king door.’ I watch as he shakes the door frantically. God, I love him, but he’s got to ease up on the unreasonable demands and protectiveness.

‘I’m not opening that door until you start being more reasonable. If you want to marry me, then you need to loosen up.’

He looks at me like I’m stupid. ‘It’s not unreasonable to worry about you.’

‘You don’t worry, Jesse, you torture yourself.’

‘Open the door.’ He jiggles the handle again.

‘I’m going out with Kate later.’

‘Fine, but you’re not drinking. Open the f**king door!’

Oh yes, I should be challenging him on that too, but I think I have probably given him enough heart attacks for one morning. He looks besides himself which is ridiculous – I’m right here. I stand up and walk to the door, flipping the lock and standing back before I put him in an early grave. He barrels in and yanks me to his chest, taking us to the floor on one of the cushioned mats.

He completely smothers me with his body and breathes heavily into my hair. ‘Please don’t do that to me again.’ he pleads, and I’m suddenly riddled with guilt. His anxiety on this matter is one of his most unreasonable parts. ‘Promise me.’

‘It’s the only way I can get you to listen to me.’ I try and placate him as I stroke his back, feeling his heart hammering against my chest.

‘I’ll listen. Just don’t put anything between us again.’

‘You can’t be with me all of the time.’

‘I know, but it will be on my terms when I can’t be.’

I laugh and throw my arms over my head. ‘What about me?’

He pulls his head back and scowls at me. ‘I’ll listen.’ he mutters grumpily. ‘You’re being very challenging, wife to be.’ He buries his head back into my neck on a sulk.

Oh, he is so thick skinned. I don’t bother arguing with him on that, though. I had expected to be thrust up against the wall and f**ked to within an inch of my life after my delinquencies, so the fact he is just holding me is a bit of a surprise. Maybe I’ve found my bargaining tool.

He sits up and drags me onto his lap. ‘Why don’t you go to The Manor for a drink?’

‘Absolutely not!’ I splutter.

‘Why?’ He looks insulted.

‘So you can keep an eye on me?’

‘It’s logical. You can have a drink, I can make sure you’re safe, and then I can bring you home.’

He really does make it sound logical, but I’m not making a rod for my own back. I’ll never step foot in a bar ever again. ‘No. End of.’ I say firmly.