Beneath This Man

I open my eyes and find him crouched in front of me, his spare palm holding the top of my thigh. His face looks distressed and tired. ‘You’ve f**ked me up the arse. I’m coping.’

‘Ava, will you watch your f**king mouth?’ he sighs, but there’s relief in his voice.

I’m half tempted to tell him to fetch the anti-bacterial solution and spray it in my mouth, but I’m too busy wracking my brain trying to figure out how I ended up in hospital. The last thing I remember is seeing Jesse stood in the doorway looking murderous. I remember being both concerned by his expression as he ran towards me and pissed off that he couldn’t leave me in peace for one evening.

I get some crispy, stiff toilet paper and sort myself out. ‘I’m done. Did I pee on you?’ I ask with little concern as I make to stand, giving Jesse just enough time to remove the cardboard bowl before I fall back down onto the seat.

He shoves the bowl on the back of the toilet. ‘No, give me your hands.’

I hold them out and feel Jesse’s hands smother mine, rubbing and working in the anti-bacterial spray. He holds me up and pulls my knickers back up and my dress down, before lifting me into his arms and taking me back to the hospital bed.

‘It’s on the back of the toilet.’ he snaps shortly as we pass the nurses’ station. I reluctantly release him as he lowers me onto the hard, crumply bed.

‘Ava, what happened?’ Kate’s voice is laced with complete concern, a rare reaction from her.

‘I don’t know.’ I reply, resting my back against the headboard. I feel incredibly sleepy again.

‘I do!’ Jesse exclaims, looking at me accusingly.

I use all of my depleted energy to throw him a filthy look. ‘I wasn’t drunk!’

‘You pass out from being sober often, do you?’ he yells.

It makes me wince, piercing at my tender ears. He has the decency to look remorseful when I re-open my eyes.

‘Don’t shout at her!’ Kate defends me. I’m grateful. He throws her a look, stuffs his hands in his jean pockets and starts pacing up and down the room. Sam moves out of his way. He really is quiet for Sam. ‘She had a few glasses of wine. She’s got through two bottles before and not passed out.’ Kate sits next to me and rubs my arm. ‘Did you eat?’

I cast my mind back. ‘Yes.’ I answer. Jesse fed me all day, between shipping clothes up the stairs and getting his fix of me.

Jesse stops with the pacing, his lip getting a punishing chomp from his teeth. ‘Are you pregnant?’ he asks, watching me carefully and returning to the chomping.

What?

‘No!’ I blurt, shocked at his forwardness, but then I freeze.

Oh good God!

My pills. I’ve not replaced my pills! I suddenly feel faint again. I’m hot too. Oh, what a stupid woman I am. I’ve been having sex like a rabbit and with no protection. How did I let that slip? I glance at Jesse and pull my best unaffected face.

He narrows his eyes on me. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes!’ I wince at my own shrill voice, tensing my arm to prevent my natural reflex from giving me away. Jesse and everyone else in this room will assume my tone is defensive. It’s not – it’s completely freaked.

‘I’m just asking.’ He resumes pacing.

‘What do you remember?’ Kate asks, continuing to stroke my arm.

I reflect on the evening, but I’m struggling to remember anything now. All I can think of is how many pills I’ve missed and what the chances are of me being pregnant. I battle to fight off the worry and try to remember something, anything of last night. I remember Matt, but I won’t be mentioning him. Then I remember the swollen, slicked, ponytailed guy, but I won’t be mentioning him either. I shrug. There isn’t a lot I can say without sending Jesse into neurotic orbit. Oh God, please don’t say I’m pregnant.

‘Hey, chick,’ I feel Sam take my other hand and start circling his thumb in his palm. ‘Think hard, yeah?’

‘I don’t remember.’ I say clearly and concisely, still resisting the temptation to play with my hair. ‘Why is everyone making such a bloody fuss?’ I throw my head back on the pillow again and regret it immediately. I feel like I have iron ball bearings rattling around in there.

I watch as Jesse stalks over to Sam’s side of the bed and growls at him, before shoving him out the way and grabbing my hand. He narrows very angry pools of pissed off on me. ‘Ava, it is four o’clock in the f**king morning!’ He closes his eyes to regain his composure – not that he ever had it. ‘You’ve been out cold for nearly seven hours, so don’t you dare tell me not to make a f**king fuss!’

Seven hours? Shit! I’ve fainted a few times in the past, but only for a few minutes at a time. Seven hours is like a full night’s sleep. Every head in the room turns to the door when a nurse enters. Seven hours?

She gives a very disapproving look. ‘It’s one visitor in the room. You need to leave.’

I glance at Kate, who glances to Jesse, who completely ignores her. It’s obvious he isn’t going anywhere. I give Kate an apologetic look on behalf of Mr Challenging, and she shakes her head in understanding with a small smile.

‘We’ll go and get something to eat.’ She looks at Sam and he nods his agreement at her suggestion. I feel terrible. Have they been here all night because I’ve had a funny turn?

The nurse sees Kate and Sam out and then returns to the bed to perform her observations. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘Please.’ I say gratefully. I’m gagging. She looks at Jesse and he shakes his head. He looks like he could do with a brandy. He rests his elbows on the side of the bed and wraps both of his hands around my one, dropping his forehead to the tangled mess of fingers.