Beneath This Man

FUCK!

Damn him for being so f**king persistent. Why can’t he just let it go instead of having the doorman lift the CCTV footage? I should go down and stamp on the thing. I yank the door open and stomp out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and out on to the landing. He’s taking this too far. I’m halted mid determined march when the gigantic flat screen television comes into view. It’s like a cinema screen, emphasising everything, making everything seem huge. It’s not, though. It’s quite blurry, the movements are disjointed and the screen keeps jumping. Jay starts fast forwarding the footage, the whizzing of people passing through the bar, the lights flashing here and there, all making it an even more disordered mush of activity. But then I see me settling at the table with the others.

‘Slow it.’ Jesse orders, and Jay puts the film to normal speed. ‘That’s it, leave it playing.’

I lower myself to the top step and watch the television through the glass as my night plays out in front of me. Nothing interesting happens, not for a long while. I watch as Tom dives across the table and seizes my hand. I watch as Victoria leaves us to join her date and then Kate leaves the table, and I know all too well what’s coming. I mentally plead for the television to spontaneously combust, but no. Tom leaves, and then Matt approaches. I stiffen from top to toe and watch as Jesse’s shoulders raise, kissing his earlobes. Matt’s back is to the camera, but there is no mistaking it’s him. I could never fob Jesse off on this.

‘Pause it.’ Jesse instructs shortly, walking over to the television, getting way up close to have a good inspection. His head starts nodding thoughtfully. ‘Keep it going.’

Jay continues the tape, and Jesse takes a few steps back. This is bad. I’m sat glued to the top step, running through the last time Jesse found out I’d seen Matt. I really don’t want a repeat of that. Why didn’t I foresee this? I watch myself jump down from the stool and crouch to gather my scattered possessions with Tom.

‘I need another angle.’ Jesse says.

‘There’s another camera.’ Jay answers swiftly.

‘Get me it. Did you see her talking to him?’

‘Ward, I do what I can, but if I’m called away to deal with some drunken twat or a few cat fighting girls, then I can’t watch her.’

I shake my head to myself. He’ll have a bodyguard flanking me next. This is ridiculous. ‘I don’t need someone watching me.’ I grate. I’m feeling mad.

Both of their heads swing around to me, Jay suddenly looking uneasy and Jesse looking stiff and agitated. There’s a few moments silence lingering between us. It’s uncomfortable, and I unconsciously wrap myself in my own arms as I sit, while Jesse scrutinises my every move.

‘Did you leave your drink unattended at any point?’ Jay asks.

The question shocks me. ‘No,’

‘When did you start feeling strange?’ Jesse pipes up, his arms folding across his chest.

‘I had a little stagger at the bar, but I put it down to my heels.’

‘Did you speak to anyone at the bar?’

Oh Fuck! Should I lie? I’ve seen Jesse’s reaction to a man coming on to me and it wasn’t pleasant. Shit shit shit! I glance nervously at Jesse. He knows what I’m deliberating.

He stares at me with dark, cautionary eyes, his torso rising and falling, his arms still over his chest. ‘Answer the question, Ava.’ he says, more calmly than I know he’s feeling.

‘There was a guy at the bar who offered to buy me a drink. I refused.’ I spit the words out quickly. It’s obvious I’m uncomfortable, but he’s going to find out for himself when he finishes watching the footage, so I may as well be upfront.

Jesse is displaying some sort of stun-gun reaction and my heart starts thundering in my chest.

I look down at my feet. ‘It was fine. I left the bar and returned to Kate.’ I try and brush it off before Jesse passes out.

‘Stop saying its fine!’ he yells.

I jump and reluctantly take a glimpse of him, finding bulging neck veins and a tense jaw. And then something catches my attention on the television and I look past Jesse. I shouldn’t have. I should have ignored it, and then maybe it would have passed before Jesse had a chance to see it. My blood turns to ice. At the bar is a tall, suited man. It’s too late to feign ignorance. Jesse swings back towards the flat screen to see what has caught my abrupt attention, as does Jay.

The silence is back as we all watch the man on the screen shift out of view when I get up to go to the bar. Then there’s the pumped up, ponytailed creep, getting way too close, me dropping my change and gathering it up before I’m staggering and making my way back to the table. Then the man comes back into view. I squint to try and focus better. Is it him? It certainly looks like it, but his text message said he was in Denmark.

I can see Jesse in my peripheral vision twitching, indicating he is having the exact same thoughts as me, but I’m watching the footage with complete fascination now, also aware of Jesse’s hard breathing, but too rapt by the television to look and confirm what I already know. He’ll be rampant.

Time is suddenly passing fast, but then Sam walks in and the motions slow down again as I get up from the table, leaving Sam drooling all over Kate. And then Jesse appears in the lower corner of the screen and I watch as I collapse, hitting the floor hard, the flurry of people gathering around my lifeless body blocking out my view.

No one says anything – for a long, uncomfortable time. I turn my eyes to Jesse and find him watching me. I’m not at all comfortable with the blackness in his eyes, and I can feel tears brimming in my own. Should I tell them about the text? Jesse looks sadistic already. Should I add to his obvious fury?