Beneath This Man

‘Jesse, I didn’t let her in. I would never have let her in.’ John’s low hum is soothing. I want to jump to his defense. He didn’t let me in. John’s fretful voice, his attempts to stop me from entering Jesse’s office, it all brings me to one conclusion. He didn’t text me. He didn’t open the gates. She’s done it again. My strong, dominate man having himself beaten? I’ve underestimated her hatred of me. I’ve trodden on some really fancy, red polished toes. She has more than succeeded in her attempts to shock me, but all of this doesn’t detract from the fact that Jesse was actively, willingly, partaking in the appalling activity. Why?

‘What’s going on?’ The familiar sound of Kate’s voice gives me hope of escaping this horror scene. ‘Fuck! Jesse, what the hell has happened to your back?’

‘Nothing!’ he snaps.

‘Don’t f**king talk to me like that. Where’s Ava? What the hell is going on? Ava?’ She calls my name, and I’m desperate to answer her, but I know if I open the door, Jesse will be in. I can’t see him.

‘She’s in there. She won’t come out. Ava?’ he calls. ‘Please, Kate, get her out.’ He bangs the door again. He sounds desperate and frantic.

‘Hey! Tell me why she is locked in there and why you’re out here bleeding all over the place?’ Kate’s voice is fierce.

‘Ava walked in on something she shouldn’t have seen. She’s freaked out. I need to see her.’ His talking is strained through his heavy breathing.

I want to scream exactly why I’ve freaked out, but I’m attacked by another succession of retches, rendering me incapable of uttering any words.

‘If you’ve f**ked her over, Jesse!’ Kate shouts. ‘Ava?’

He’s f**ked me over all right, but not in the way she is thinking. It’s almost worse. It is worse.

‘No!’ Jesse’s voice is full of defense. ‘It’s not like that!’

‘Well, what is it like then? She’s in there throwing up. Ava?’ The subtle knock of Kate’s fist starts drumming on the door. ‘Ava, come on. Open the door.’

‘Ava!’ Jesse shouts frantically.

‘Jesse, just go.’ Kate yells.

‘No!’

‘She’s obviously not going to come out with you here. Hey, big guy. Get him out of here.’

‘Jesse?’ John rumbles, and I pray that Jesse listens to him and leaves. I’m not going anywhere with him out there. ‘Let’s get you sorted out, you stupid mother f**ker.’

I sit with my head in my hands while I listen to the back and forth coaxing of Jesse from the bathroom.

I eventually hear the door open and close again and then Kate’s subtle knocking on the door. ‘Ava, he’s gone.’ Kate assures me through the door. I lift up and slide the lock across to let my friend into the toilet with me. She pushes through the small gap and screws her nose up at the sight of the vomit spattered bowl. ‘What the hell is going on?’ She crouches on the other side of the cubicle so we’re knee to knee.

I sniffle and blow my nose on some tissue. My mouth tastes dreadful. I take a few controlled breaths through my sobs and try to steady my vocal cords. ‘He had himself whipped.’ I manage. The sound of them words has my chucking my head back over the bowl, but all I’m achieving is choking myself on dry heaves. I feel Kate’s palm rubbing at my back.

‘He what?’

I push myself away from the toilet and find Kate’s jaw dropped disbelievingly. Who would believe it? But she saw the evidence plain and clear and plastered all over Jesse’s back. ‘I walked in on him being whipped by Sarah.’

Her eyes widen. ‘Sarah the mega bitch?’ she splutters.

‘Yes.’ I nod in case the word didn’t make it out of my mouth. ‘He was on his knees, Kate, like some sort of submissive slave.’ My tears start again and my mind is invaded with the horrible memory of my strong, self-assured man being willingly beaten. Why would he do that?

‘Oh, f**k.’ She rests her hand on my knee. ‘Ava, his back is a mess.’

‘I know!’ I cry. ‘I saw it!’ That was no kinky kicks. There no pleasure element in it. Not on Jesse’s part, anyway. Sarah could be a different story, though. Jesse wanted to be hurt. My stomach convulses. ‘Kate, I need to leave. He won’t let me. I know he won’t let me go.’

A look of determination invades her pretty, pale features and she rises to her feet. ‘Wait here.’

‘Where are you going?’ My voice sounds panicky. He’ll barrel back in here as soon as Kate exits. I know he will.

‘John’s taken Jesse to his office. I’m just going to check, though.’ She opens the door and shuffles past my slumped body.

I hold my breath, waiting for a commotion, but it doesn’t come. The door opens and closes, and then there is silence. I’m alone. I stand myself up, my legs weak and shaky, and pull some toilet roll off to wipe around the seat. I hold my hand over my mouth as I generally clean up my mess, all the time more violent heaves threatening.

The toilet door opens. I freeze, holding my breath.

‘Ava?’ Kate whispers, tapping the door gently. ‘Jesse’s in his office with John. Sam will get the gates.’

I open the door and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I’m pulled out of the toilet cubicle and yanked towards the door. I look God awful. ‘Wait, I need some water.’ I shake Kate off and take myself to the sink, leaning over to splash my face and swill my mouth.