Beneath This Man

‘Ava?’ Kate’s fretting tone assaults my ears. ‘Oh, f**king hell. What have you done, you stupid cow!’

‘I’m taking her home.’ Jesse is not stopping for anyone, not even Kate. ‘She’s fine, I’ll call you.’

‘Jesse, she’s bleeding!’

‘I know, Kate. I f**king know!’ I feel his chest rise under me. ‘I’ll call you.’ he appeases her, and I don’t hear her again, but I do hear Sam soothing her, his usual chirpy voice layered with concern.

I know we’re getting close to the entrance hall because the cool air starts to slowly spread across my back. It’s a welcome sensation.

‘Jesse, mate, I didn’t know.’

Jesse halts abruptly and silence falls, all concerned chatter coming to a complete halt as I hear Steve’s voice drift into my ears. I squeeze Jesse’s body with what little strength I can find, and he nuzzles my neck.

‘Steve, you want to be thanking all that’s f**king holy I’ve got my girl in my arms, because if I didn’t, the cleaners would be scooping up your remains for a f**king year.’ Jesse’s voice is acidic, his heart pounding wildly.

‘I….I…’ Steve stammers and stutters over his words. ‘I didn’t know.’

‘No one told you she was mine?’ Jesse asks, clearly shocked.

‘I…I assumed…I…’

‘She’s MINE!’ Jesse roars, jolting me in his arms. I whimper from the flash of searing pain that his movement instigates and he tenses, pushing his face into the crook of my neck. ‘I’m sorry.’ he whispers. I feel his jaw ticking against me. ‘You’re a f**king dead man, Steve.’ He stands still for a few moments and I know he’s glaring at Steve with murder carved all over his face. I feel responsible.

‘Jesse?’ John’s rumble breaks the screaming silence. ‘S’all good. Priorities, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Jesse picks up his feet again and the slow building cool air is suddenly sharp and pelting at my back. He walks slowly down the steps.

‘I’ll get the door.’ Kate’s says as her heels clatter down the steps.

‘I’ve got it, Kate.’

‘Jesse, stop being such a pigheaded twat and accept the f**king help! You are not the only one who cares about her.’

I’m squeezed against him. ‘My keys are in my back pocket.’

Kate’s hand brushes over my jeans as she negotiates the keys out of Jesse’s pocket, and I smile on the inside at my fiery friend living up to her reputation. My eyes open and catch Kate’s.

‘Oh, Ava.’ She shakes her head and bleeps Jesse’s car open.

Jesse turns back towards The Manor. ‘Everyone needs to f**k off back inside.’ He doesn’t want anyone to see me. I hear the crunching of gravel under footsteps as Jesse waits with me in his arms, ensuring everyone has gone before he releases me from his body. ‘Ava, I’m going to ease you down, you need to turn onto your side and face the driver’s seat. Can you do that?’ he asks softy. I loosen my grip of his neck to show my willingness and be begins slowly lowering me down into the car. ‘Don’t lean back.’

I shift slowly on the soft leather until my shoulder is resting against the seat and I’m facing the driver’s side. Fucking hell, it hurts. He then lays a light sheet over me before shutting the door softly without even attempting to get the seatbelt over me. My head falls against the seat and my eyes close of their own accord. In no time at all, the driver door shuts and Jesse’s scent invades my nose. I open my eyes and adjust my vision until I’m confronted with green, pitiful eyes. I feel pitiful. I’m a hopeless, pathetic waif of a woman who has caused all of this chaos, pain and aching because I was trying to prove a point – a point I pray to God I’ve made successfully because if I’ve put myself through all of this, put Jesse through this and he still doesn’t get it, then it’s finished. Over. We can’t do this to each other. The thought makes my heart rate slow.

He reaches over and brushes my cheek with his knuckles. ‘Stop.’ he orders, wiping another tear away, but I’m not crying with pain anymore. I’m crying in desperation.

He turns the engine over and drives slowly down the driveway, the rushed roar and madcap driving skills that I’ve fast become accustomed to, sidelined for a sensible purr of the DBS’s engine. He takes corners carefully, accelerates and brakes gently and flicks his eyes to me at regular intervals. I’m beltless, half naked and displaying angry wounds all over my back. If the police stopped us, it would take some interesting explaining.

I remain still and stare blankly at the profile of my handsome, troubled man and wonder whether I could be classed as troubled now too. My sanity is certainly questionable, but I’m sane enough to admit that. I was a normal, sound-minded girl. I definitely don’t qualify for that anymore.

The silence of the journey home is filled only by the humming of the car and the background sound of Snow Patrol’s Run.

Jesse pulls up to Lusso and makes his way around to my side of the car, helping me out while trying to keep me covered. ‘God only knows what Clive is going to think.’ he mutters as he lifts me back onto his chest. I suddenly feel panicky. ‘Ava, unless you let me drape this sheet over your back, there is nothing I can do.’ He sandwiches the sheet between our chests and does his best to hold it out to the side, shielding me from one angle before walking into the foyer.

‘Mr Ward?’ Clive sounds perplexed. The poor man has seen me drunk and carried; defiant and carried; sick and carried; tired and carried. It must be clear that I am none of the above.